Reed the Viking

Good News!

So I had a very busy day and no time to post a full posting, but I promise I will tomorrow. I wasn't even going to post a little half posting until I checked my blog stats a minute ago and discovered something incredible. Let me preface a little bit by saying that my blog statistics let me know how people arrive at my blog, and when I see an oddity that catches my eye, I usually check it. Well I had somebody reach my blog via a standard google search, so I decided to check out the sort of search that might lead to my blog... I am proud to reveal to all that I am THE NUMBER ONE search response to the search request, "Where did I hear murder boner." This may be the proudest day of my life, and having fulfilled my dreams, I can stop blogging forevermore (although I won't, so keep checking back). Goodnight!

More on 3D Porn

The other day I linked to an article about a newly developed pornographic book for blind people in England. I made the bold claim that this was the next generation in 3D porn, and promptly told James Cameron to "suck it." Last night while I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, Robin Hood: Men in Tights came on the television. Only then did I realize that this 1993 Mel Brooks classic was actually years ahead of the curve. The film features Robin Hood's blind best friend, featuring a 13th century edition of Playboy, specifically designed for the blind.

 

Now for something completely different: Blogger seriously let down by new scientific study (h/t: Hotair) . If you can't rely on the Donner Party to be model cannibals, what can you rely on? Allegedly, the craziest thing they ate was their dogs. Maybe the Donner Party wasn't a bunch cannibals, maybe they were just chinese. Chinese really do eat dogs, and Chinese really can't stop the signal. From the moment the chinese government embraced the internet, it became apparent that they can no longer crush 自由 (freedom). I think this is a good trend for a country that should and probably will end up one of our close allies in the future. Keep up the good work, Han Han and try not to get killed or detained!

At the end of the week, I like to reflect upon all the news I've read during the week. My apologies to Kayo (that's Keith Olbermann for those not in the know) for stealing his shtick for this one, but I have two finalists for "The Worst Person in the World" award.

Hailing from New Jersey (surprise, surprise) is Philadelphia Phillies fan (suprise, surprise) Matthew Clemmons. Forcing yourself to throw up when you are full and need to eat more or consume more alcohol is perfectly acceptable and fine, but ralphing on an 11 year old is just depraved. Shame on you, and nice black eye.

Hailing from Switzerland (genuine surprise) is sick fuck Dominic Deville. I'm inclined to give him the award, except that I think what he does is sorta funny. The real recipient of the award is his clientele (mom, dad), the people who actually hire him to conduct his business. How this isn't illegal is beyond me, but I'd like to see this business model start up in Texas. I can just see it now; clown follows 8 year old kid, clown tells kid he's being watched, kid takes out gun, clown shits pants. Not plausible, say you? I'll let you know that I have a friend from Texas, and she says that they give free guns as the toys in McDonald's Happy Meal. I leave you with a message from my BFF (best friends forever, for anybody over the age of 50).

 Exit question: What is a Haircut Hippie? Is it a Hippie that gives haircuts?