Reed the Viking

The Viking Returns!

After a weeklong break during my training course, I am returning to the blog. Please, contain your excitement, I don't want anybody to go into cardiac arrest. I have come to the decision that I will start breaking up my posts, with an individual post for each topic that I write about, and one post per day with a roundup of my favorite links that speak for themselves (or call for minimal commentary).

Victory: Possession of Pot Down to Infraction from Misdemeanor. C'mon Prop 19, pass this fall and give us something to cheer about. Hawaii has legal medical marijuana, I wonder how long until it gets legalized here... probably a long time, considering how long it takes to get anything achieved in Hawaii (30+ years to build H3?). 

From commenter CF, a glorious story about crack in crack... that is, crack-cocaine in a butt-crack. But don't worry, it's not his, he swears!

People fret about diseases making the jump from animals to humans (bird flu, swine flu), but Prof. Jacobson gives us a new cause for concern. Computer Virus Makes Jump to Humans. That stuxnet virus is both terrifying and incredible. I hope we're amping up our cyber-warfare divisions...

Rick James, take notice: The Dangers of Unity. Ed's a smart man, and he hit the nail on the head right here.

Scary stuff in Paris (video at the link). Hat tip to the Mother Viking. For those who have been paying attention, this shouldn't be news to you. Nonetheless, it's pretty crazy to actually see it.

The Miracle of Science: Boob Job in a Bottle. I'm not a big fan of fake bewbs, but if you could make your bewbs larger by stimulating natural body processes, please by all means go ahead. And email me, [email protected] if you'd like feedback.

I'm not a smoker, and I'm happy that I don't have to hang out in stinky smoke filled restaurants and all that, but c'mon this is just retarded: Cincinnati Reds Reported to Health Department for Smoking Victory Cigars. In their own clubhouse... and they were reported by their own fans. But seriously, do they really expect us to believe that there's a team called the Cincinnati Reds?

VDH wrote another great piece, and I wanted to pick out some quotes for you all, but I'd have just taken the whole thing, and I think it truly deserves a full read. This is the one I urge you to read out of all the links in the post. This is the one that would get it's own post if it wasn't late at night (I will start doing that tomorrow). Read the whole thing! How the Unbelievable Can Become the Accepted.

An old argument I've made before, but simply and shortly stated here in this video. Liberals should by all means be Israel's biggest supporters. Would that that were so... The Liberal Case for Israel:

 

Being anti-Israel is almost exclusively a left-wing phenomenon in this nation. That is, not all lefties are anti-israel, but all most anti-Israel folks are lefties. Similarly, not all lefties are anti-American, but most anti-American folks are lefties.

Tony Soprano meets Al Gore: Reduce Your Emissions... Or Else. That's some of the craziest Enviro-fascism I've ever seen, and let me tell you, I've seen my fair share of humanity hating radical Environmentalists. Needless to say the more moderate environmentalists are not thrilled about this campaign.

Apparently, the 1940's are ancient history. Because people who died in my lifetime are obviously irrelevant now. Next they'll tell us that Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead is an obscure, kooky text from days long gone (The Fountainhead was published a couple years before Hayek's Road to Serfdom). NYT's Kate Zernike, you fail. Glenn's got some good comments as well at Instapundit.

From my college buddy Leornidas, the appropriate comeback to use if you're a woman and a man asks you to make him a sandwich.

And from my other college buddy and BFFE, Dr. Ago, here's the coolest picture I've seen all weekend. Yes, it's real. Click to see it full sized.

Katy Perry Actually More Irritating Than Elmo

Single-Party Chinese Leadership Hoisted by Their Own Petard. Thanks for the inspiration, guys.

Wachowski Brothers Siblings new movie: Gay U.S. Marine and his Iraqi Boyfriend Try To Kill President Bush in the Future, or something. For those who don't why I crossed out the word brothers, it's because the artist formerly known as Larry Wachowski is now the artist known as Lana Wachowski. He's what the Hawaiian's call a "mahu." Although the mahus here in Hawaii are a lot better looking than Lana Wachowski, and more convincing too (if not for the height, Adam's apple, and of course, balls).

American and Canadian Muslims Speak Out for Free Speech. This is good... although kinda telling that this is even needs mentioning.

RACISTS! Britain has a huge problem with racist 3 year olds, you know. This is stupid.

Nudists vs. Swingers - Whoever wins, we... win. It'd be better if they weren't French, who wants to see naked women with hairy pits? Not this blogger.

NYT Writes about my main man, Chris Christie. Christie is actually somewhat of a moderate, but he's a hard-line fiscal conservative who is very honest about where we are as a nation, and more specifically, where New Jersey is at as a state in terms of it's fiscal house. Listen to the way he talks in this video, and tell me if any other politician speaks with this degree of seriousness and candor. Tough, unpopular, but necessary decisions need to be made, and this is a guy with the cojones to make them. Respect.

A man with some backbone, something this country sorely needs. 

Aww... Jon Stewart "saddened" by Obama.

Healing: Joaquin Phoenix Apologies to Letterman.

Irritating harpy Katy Perry appeared on Sesame Street showing as much cleavage of her chest as she could muster up. Parents complained, and the episode will not air, but I have the clip on youtube. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Katy Perry might just be more annoying than Elmo. H/T Allahpundit, who notes that his favorite joke about the affair was when somebody tweeted, "This episode brought to you by the letters T and A." I wish I had thought of that. Also at the Allah link is a clip of Sesame Street's "True Blood" spoof, but I didn't really get it as I don't watch that show. I'm waiting for HBO's mini-series adaptation of "A Song of Ice and Fire." 2011 can't come fast enough!

Nicaraguan Diplomat Murdered Hours Before Obama UN Speech. "Our friend gave a speech at the UN... I told you a long time ago, you fucking little monkey, not to fuck me!" I think I know what happened here... somebody learned from Scarface's mistake. In honor of that classic scene from Scarface (which I think is tacky, overacted and overrated) I have this hilarious and well edited video mash-up of Tony Montana talking to somebody who appears to be a Johnny Depp's character in Secret Window look-a-like. Tony Montana tries to renegotiate his mobile contract.

Subtle Nuances: The NYJ are terrible, sexist animals for eye-gang bangin' that hot Mexican reporter, but Versus TV is edgy when they ask NFL receivers: Would you rather see Palin in the White House or in Playboy? Their answer surprises me, because personally, I'm going with Playboy. Actually, Christine O'Donnell would be even better in playboy, maybe the October edition in full Witch get-up (until she strips it all down, of course). Too bad she's all into abstinence, or I'd try to hit that. Am I being sexist or edgy?

Edgy? Buffalo Wing Joint Controversy Over Hot Sauce Named "Black on Black Crime." Well, it was created by a black guy, so I think this qualifies as edgy, but I'm not sure. I don't know about you, but I'd rather eat Black on Black Crime wings than Big Fine Woman 2000 wings. Black on Black Crime sounds more dangerous, and implies spiciness, while big fine woman invokes imagery that would make men lose their appetites. It's a sad day when our hot sauce has to be politically correct, considering some hot sauce companies have political incorrectness as their schtick. I know I've been concocting "Jewish Guilt" and "Bang For Your Buck" hot sauces that'll be cheap, kosher, and clear your sinuses (must be strong to clean out a Jewish nose).

He's Back: D-Petes in Campaign Ad for Georgia Guv'nah.

Mullet: Business in the Front, Party in the Back

Confirmed: Yep, Moses Parted the Red Sea.

GOP Confronts Sore Loser Syndrome. I believe I've spoken on this quite a bit.

File this under WTF: MI6 Uses Semen as "Invisible Ink" for Secret Communications.

Braylon Edwards... you fucking fool.

American Targeted for Assassination by Obama Allegedly Surrounded in Yemen.

I wonder what kind of nation state could possibly be behind this: Iran Attacked by Sophisticated Computer Worm.

Speaking of Iran, Iranian leader Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket blames capitalism for global woes. Quick recap on the great idealists who hate capitalism: Stalin, Mao,  Pol Pot, Ho Chi Minh, Hitler, Mussolini, Castro, Chavez, Kim Jong Il and the list goes on.

Jammie Wearing Fool comes up big today with two awesome posts. "15 Best Things About Our Pubic Schools." Yeah, everything's spelled *right*. England's future King: "I talk to plants to keep me sane." Uhhh, ok Charles.

As Allah is wont to say, "it's come to this."

Funny post by Dana Loesch who wonders what's worse, witchcraft or a mullet. Mullets are great, Dana, back off. I can't trust anything you say anyway, after you said, "I thought the left was supposed to be tolerant." Please, don't make me laugh. Seriously, Dana... Witchcraft is way lamer than a mullet, I mean, c'mon check out this bad boy. He looks like a real hockey player. (Note: I took this picture from the profile of my BFF Marky Bonethugs aka Mikey Fleischbones aka Marky Bankrolls)

 

Glenn Reynolds gave an overreaching island government some terrible ideas. Glenn, you know you're a prophet, even joking is not safe for you. If the U.S. Government ever tried something like that, I sincerely believe there's be an armed revolution that transcends party lines.

Here's a true story about government intervention gone wrong in NYC. Prime example of the law of unintended consequences. Reminds me of that time Mao got rid of all the sparrows because they ate the grain seeds, and as a result, locust populations thrived and destroyed the crops, resulting in a famine that killed as many as 30 million people.

If you only have time to click one link on this blog today, make it this one. It's about EDM Day, which I've written about a lot, and it goes into the utter failure of our media and law enforcement institutions. Could you imagine if the FBI said it couldn't protect black people from the KKK? The media would be all over their asses, and rightly so. What has happened to the "creator" of EDM Day is a complete and utter travesty. If you needed any more evidence that NYT writer Nicholas Kristof has his head firmly lodged up his ass, read this article. If you didn't, read the article. Bottom line, read this article.

Surprise: Health Insurance Companies to Stop Offering Child-Only Policies. "If you like your plan, you can keep it." - President Obama

Reminder: Congress Still Hasn't Come Up With a Budget for the Fiscal Year Starting in 9 Days. Ed wrote that post with the main focus being on Congress taking their longest vacation in 50 years so they can fundraise in at risk districts. That, to me, is only secondary to the fact that there's still no budget! If there was a budget, I wouldn't mind the long vacation, but for fuck's sake, really Congress? Really? These people are not fit to lead. It feels like nobody responsible has run this country since... has it ever been run by people who know what they're doing? If not, well, that's a little consoling.

Awesome timelapse montage set to the music from Inception, which was an awesome movie with awesome music. Enjoy

100th Post!

Today marks my 100th post, a very important benchmark for a super serious blogger like myself. I should be getting a book deal soon, right? Somebody pay me damnit! So that's not the only recent bench mark in my life. Last week, and I forgot to mention it on my blog because it was on the weekend, was the 2nd year mark of my navy career. This is important for two reasons:

1.  It's a nice count-down reminder of how much time I have left.
2. Pay raise!!!

You'd think I have something special planned for today's post, but I don't.

If there's one link you click on today, make it this one. VDH wrote an excellent post about the Obama administration's Animal Farm. I don't think it could be put any better than that, and quite frankly, I'm jealous that I didn't write it. Curse you, VDH!!!! CURSE YOU!!!!!!

Some discouraging, perhaps even worrying news from Turkey. How long can they remain a secular democracy? Scary question...

More troubling Turkey news: Big Contributions From Iran.

According to this report, I should be excellent at quick decision making. I don't think I'm good enough, maybe I should play more Counterstrike. Let's see if I can convince the Navy that we should have annual Halo training for 4 weeks.

When you've lost John Stewart... Dems are in deep trouble in November, lucky for them it's not 2012.

How to concede election results with grace. Would that more losers act this way, sportsmanship seems very underrated these days.

Daily dose of Paul Ryan.

Daily dose of Chris Christie.

WaPo hackery: Extending Bush Tax Cuts Would Deprive Government of $4 Trillion. Ed explains the hackery, but the short of it is that keeping the status quo doesn't deprive the government of anything, but raising taxes would increase tax intake by $4 trillion. The way they write it, it's like we owe them that money of ours (well, we do). I pay them quite enough, thanks.

Yesterday I read about a big announcement that would excite Democrats around the nation. This announcement, I read, was to be announced on the 15th of September by Tim Kaine. Allah had some interesting and hilarious hunches about what the announcement might be, and he wasn't far off, but he was ultimately wrong. If you click the link, and follow his link to the new "car metaphor," you are liable to laugh. It was Glenn and his readers, however, who had my favorite reaction to the big news today.

“It’s no fun when they are so easy. How long before that logo shows up with a red cross bar running from 10 to 4?”

If I were worth a damn at photoshop, I'd have been all over that hours ago. Good thing I've got MS Paint! Done and done.

 Artist Behind Everybody Draw Mohammud Day Forced to Change Identity. I have little sympathy for her, especially because she chickened out and apologized after it caught on. The real reason I have no sympathy for her is because I, Reed the motherfucking Viking, created Everybody Draw Mohammud Day first! I created it the day the South Park episode 201 aired. I got no credit because nobody reads my blog, but damnit I thought of it first, I should be the one with the death threats! I'm trying so damn hard here, somebody notice me and threaten to kill me! I thought of wearing an outfit made from meat to try to provoke PETA, but unfortunately I'm a little late on that one... Allah also goes into why he supported EDM Day but not the Quran burning with pretty much the same reasoning that I use. The most important point is found here, which I pretty much 100% agree with:

"As I acknowledged during Koran-apalooza last week, it’s a fine line between Jones’s stunt (which I opposed) and “Everybody Draw Mohammed Day” (which I supported). One of the reasons I look dimly on dopey atheist gags like erecting “Secular Trees” next to Christmas trees on public squares is because the offense to Christians seems gratuitous. Sure, they’re making a point about religion in the process, but they’re doing it in a way that looks like mockery, calculated to annoy. They have the right, but why alienate people with a taunt? That’s what Jones’s stunt seemed like to me — not so much a message to jihadis, even though he tried to frame it that way at times, but something aimed at provoking all Muslims, a group that includes people like Zuhdi Jasser. EDM Day wasn’t aimed at all Muslims, though. Some moderates were bound to take offense, but the point of the day was to push back against the sort of jihadis who’ve now forced Norris into hiding. Intent and intimidation do count here; if Christian fundies were threatening to kill atheists over “Secular Trees,” my calculations would change accordingly. But either way, there simplymust be space for this sort of offense in public debate. I’m open to drawing the line in a slightly different place, but the line has to be drawn somewhere."

Well said, Allah.

Glenn also linked to that story on Instapundit, and his comment goes back to what I was saying yesterday about the victim being blamed for the violent offender's actions.

"Blaming the victim is what people do, when they’re scared and don’t want to do anything about what’s scaring them."

True words right there. 

Hot Mexican Chick in Tight Clothes Gets Cat-Called in Locker Room. Really? This is a news story? There's nothing more dog bites man than this. 2+2 = 4, and smoking hot women in flattering outfits who walk into a locker room are going to get attention for their looks. Normally I'd ignore this retarded "story," but it's about my Jets (who suck, but whatever) so I felt compelled to comment. Lori Ziganto does a good job with this one, so just click the link and read her perspective. This really was just an excuse to post a picture of a hot chick.

 Men can't be men anymore in this country apparently, not even in the NFL. Next thing you know, they'll be sitting next to Tiger being treated for their sex addictions.

Jonah Goldberg revisits some excellent libertarian concepts. I've argued on the blog that a market economy is cooperative and fairer than a "fair" and "planned" economy. The biggest takeaway from this article, for me, was the concepts explored in "I, Pencil." You don't know how to make a pencil, and not even a pencil expert could do it himself nor could he know the immediate needs at every level in the process in a timely manner. I don't care how many Ivy League degrees you have, or how many Nobel Prizes you've won, a centralized body will not be as well equipped to deal with the issues at hand as the people who are actually affected. Not to mention the law of unintended consequences that comes into play every time new legislation passes (did somebody say higher insurance premiums?).

My father wrote about the law of unintended consequences today. Environmentalists know that bikes are better for the environment than cars, so as logic dictates, biking to work should be incentivized, right? Cue the law of unintended consequences: 

"The City took away one traffic lane and two parking spots and now has cars oddly placed in the middle of the street.  During periods of usual traffic, the loss of one lane increases transit time significantly.  Traffic never moves fast in New York (though the recession has helpfully cut the number of cars driving in the City; perhaps the Democrats can use that as evidence for the silver lining of their economic policies?)  Here is the conundrum for the Bloomberg administration, as it increasingly attempts to micromanage the behavior of New Yorkers: although their desire to save the planet and protect the health of New Yorkers is admirable, (it is for our own good, after all) they have neglected to factor in the unintended consequences of their policies.  For example, of the number of people who travel up First Avenue everyday, less than 1% are riding bikes.  If the bike lane causes increased congestion (which it does) then the net benefit on our carbon footprint will go up, rather than down.  Furthermore, the loss of parking spaces on the street means people will have to use parking garages more often (which increases the city's coffers by virtue of their 18.5% tax on their ridiculously high fees) which increases the cost of doing business in New York.  A not insignificant number of tax paying commuters will conclude, as all the costs of living and working in New York increase (again, the cost of food, clothing, and all other necessities goes up when the city makes it more costly to move around), that doing business in New York is just not worth the expense and the inconvenience.  Thus, our Mayor's desire, admirable as it is, to control every aspect of life in the Big City, will lead to a deterioration of life in the Big City. "

He also waxes poetic towards the end of his post, with a funny take on a poem about the Holocaust (Funny? Holocaust? You're sick Reed). Also it's a good post because he linked to me, thanks Dad.

One of my favorite blogs, Are We Lumberjacks, made me piss my pants with this one today.

 

Politicians Gone Wild

It's more exciting than Girls Gone Wild... well, probably not, but it's at least as entertaining... Politicians Gone Wild will be interspersed throughout the post. Some will speak the truth, some will yell the truth, and others will make themselves look like assholes on what they probably took for granted as an easy interview on friendly turf with the Daily Show. Read on to find out!

Hopefully this Boston man doesn't get charged for defending himself with the use of deadly force. Imagine, you're getting robbed and shot a few times, kill your assailants, and you're recovering in the hospital when you get a court summons. Shittiest week evah.

Sometimes, on the very rarest of occasions, a politician will come out and tell the truth. Rep Tom Perriello (D - VA): "The only way to get congress to balance the budget is to give them no choice, and the only way to keep them out of the cookie jar is to give them no choice... if you don't tie our hands, we will keep stealing." I'd be shocked if it wasn't something everybody already knows.

I've got to get my hands on this: Child Molester's Bible - Police say manual on 'how to molest children' is legal. Yeah, it's just frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane. Included are important tidbits on how to convince the kids not to tell their parents, what type of kids to go after and so on. Good summer leisure reading.

Florida College Shuts Down Conservative Group After Seeing Anti-Obama Literature. This sort of thing is not as uncommon as you'd think at an institution that's supposedly a place for the free exchange of ideas. FIRE has been on top of all sorts of free speech type cases at schools around the country; if you are experiencing discrimination or the rejection of your first amendment rights, these guys are your advocates.

Viking Blogger Knows Where He Wants to Work When He Gets Out of the Navy: Tucker Carlson's News Organization, the Daily Caller, has installed a kegerator in his office. He doesn't drink, but he wants his employees to enjoy their work. Where can I sign up? Right now if I drink at work, I go to jail and make big rocks into little rocks, and at night time I get to play hide the salami with Big Earl.

Stores lie about their pants size to make you feel better. That's annoying, considering about 85% of the clothing I get is in gift form at the holiday/birthday time. Way to make things difficult, dickheads. Then again, I don't shop at Old Navy 'cause I'm too baller, if I'm not wearing custom tailored Italian designer suits, it's cause I'm geared up Viking style with my rape suit* on.

*My rape suit is a pair of sweatpants...

Alternate Headline: Some of us in deep, deep denial. I always wondered if ugly people know that they're ugly... thankfully, it's not a problem I have to worry about.

I'm sorry you feel this way about us, Mr. Chinese UN Diplomat. Until these old school communists are out of office and the military, I don't have much hope for good Sino-American relations. On the flip side, I have a lot of hope (fuck, the h-word... Obama really ruined that one), er, I have a good feeling about the future of China and their leaders of tomorrow. I truly believe they're headed in the right direction (but are we?).

Proven: Flamboyant Dance Moves Attract Female Mates. And yes, I'm talking about humans. How do you think I get so many girls? I let my hips swing and my arms flail like a Donkey Kong. One day I'll post a video for you all to see ;).

Legendary author of science fiction, Arthur C. Clarke, correctly predicts the future over 50 years ago. Awesome video, the man was wise beyond his years.

John Stewart to Tim Kaine: "You're the underdog in what universe?" Awesome interview on the Daily Show with John Stewart and Virginia Governor Tim Kaine (D). Stewart, an admitted lefty, tears Kaine up, and even visibly gags and rolls his eyes when his own crowd eats up the bullshit Kaine lays out. Note, later in the interview, that Kaine somewhat subtly gives Stewart the finger. I might disagree with John Stewart most of the time, and I think he's often very dishonest when it comes to reporting the other side, but he's a funny guy usually, a good entertainer, and proven that he's not such a lightweight. This ain't like getting interviewed by Olby, Kaine.

Steven Colbert had Vice President Biden on last night in another great tribute to the troops episode. Steven Colbert has a history of being awesome for the troops, and Biden keeps it classy as well. Though I disagree with pretty much everything Biden says from a political standpoint, I have always liked the guy (search my blog archives, you'll find it to be true). He's a funny character, and sometimes he's a bit of an asshole, which I find hilarious, although people without a sense of humor might take issue with him. Also, in the video he refers to his homestate as "Dover." 

Omri Casspi (first Israeli in the NBA) experiences his first brush with anti-semitism in this country. I thought California was one of those progressive states... Happy New Year, Omri, and good luck next year. (H/T: BFF Guiseppe Fratelli)

Researchers translate thought to speech, could have implications for those "locked-in" patients. I love the future.

Time to weigh in on the whole Quran burning Church thing... that church is led by a serious asshole. There is nothing constructive that could possibly come out of burning the Muslim holy book, and it will only alienate the moderate Muslims out there. It's not comparable to the Ground Zero Mosque because at least, in theory, that Mosque is about bridging cultural divide, despite it's shady anti-American imam. Even though I don't buy the bridging cultural divide bullshit, building a mosque at Ground Zero is not inherently hateful. The book burning is inherently hateful and it comes from a hateful man who also launched a "no homo mayor" campaign. Some officials, including Obama, Petraeus and Gates, have urged him not to burn the books because it'll put our troops in harms way. I would urge him not to burn the books because it's indecent and detestable. I think the troops argument is stupid, because if we were going to censor ourselves from every action that might upset the extremist Islamic militants, we'd be going down a slippery slope (canceling South Park, maybe? Censoring newspapers from reporting on the war?). I mean, what DOESN'T piss off the Islamic militants? I know short skirts do, and by G-d if they took those, I'd revolt. So don't burn the books, not because it'll hurt the troops (that'd be cowing to the bully, appeasing the tyrants), but because it's just plain wrong and goes against the freedom to practice religion that this country was built upon. That's my word.

The Orlando Sentinel has, from what I've seen so far, the best take on the story. I disagree with the implication that this is totally the media's fault, but agree that without the media taking notice of this story, nobody would give a damn and troops' lives wouldn't be in danger. This Reverend is a media whore, a Christianist Paris Hilton or Tila Tequila. Don't reward him for his bad behavior by giving him press. Some highlights in the link are the Sentinel calling him a hick and likening him to Hulk Hogan. Last I read, the Reverend has indefinitely postponed the Quran burning, presumably due to pressure from the feds?

The Imam in charge of the Ground Zero Mosque wrote an op-ed in the times which I can't read since I don't pay for it. Allah has a good post on it here. The most important line, in my opinion, is from Allah's reaction, which sums up exactly how I think about the sanctimonious lefties patting themselves on the back for their moral superiority.

"Rauf is willing to make a concession to the feelings of opponents, at least in theory, in the name of “dialogue”; that’s more than you can say for the lefty commentariat who’ve treated this episode, as always, mainly as an exercise in self-congratulation for their moral supremacy."

This whole debacle is just ugly, and I really hope I don't have to write any more about it. It makes me pretty sick, how disgusting the atmosphere has become surrounding this "debate." 

At the link is a video of exactly why I love Chris Christie. This video, as Allah says, is not quite as good as the last one where he figuratively cockslapped a union shill at a townhall meeting, but it's still pretty damn awesome. This guy talks real talk. He says exactly what he means, and he does exactly what he says he's going to do, and he'll explain it with not-so-nice words if he needs to. This guy is the definition of "keepin it real." Unlike so many pols that just spew platitudes (which of course, is a platypus with an attitude), this guy speaks English. I've never seen a politician communicate better than this guy.

Remember when I just said, "I've never seen a politician communicate better than thus guy?" I take it back. With a BA in Communications just to prove how great a communicator he is, Phil Davison is filmed here, giving a speech to be nominated for Stark County Treasurer. (H/T: Allahpundit)

I literally laughed through the entire speech. His voice cracking, forgetting his speech, and his pacing around the room have me rolling. I wonder if that's his actual speaking voice. He sounds like Joe from Family Guy when he's yelling (played by Patrick Warburton). If there is one video you watch today, make it this one, you will not regret it. Also, I just realized, I have a friend from college who we used to call Chris Phil Davison... maybe they're related? 

Peterson/Davison 2012.

P.S. - Davison did not get the nomination, sadly.

I'll Take Her, A Rare Ribeye, and a Nice Glass of Jew's Ear Juice

I didn't post yesterday, so I've got lots of great news to write about today!

I always had a little bit of an issue with the current Iranian regime, particularly due to their feelings towards the jooooz. But then, lots of people hate the jooooz, so there was no reason to get fired up about it... that is, until now. Iranian Newspaper: "Carla Bruni is a Whore Who Should Be Killed." Sick fucks, you leave my Carla alone! This is not the way to win hearts and minds in the international community, which everybody knows is what Iran has been trying to do with the election of Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket.

Ok, seriously Iran? Now I'm REALLY angry! Cheerleaders Forced to Cover Up During US-Iran Basketball Game. I'm really actually angry at 'Mrrrka for agreeing to that bullshit. I want my cheerleaders half-nude, dumb as a rock, and busty as hell.

I'm not the only guy (hardly) who likes a large bust. From Glenn, Quote of the Day: "I want it just like her but with bigger boobs." Classic stuff right there. Anybody who's spent 15 minutes in conversation with me knows that I can't wait for lifelike sex-dolls. I want them to be completely customizable so when I'm in the mood to free willie, I can pack on her pounds, or when I'm trying to get my King Kong on, I can get me a jungle girl. For all other times, Salma Hayek in Desperado will do just fine.

Maybe I could do without the sexbots if I sign up for this dating site. 64% of Young Woman on Dating Site Would Make Sex Tape to Get Ahead. 45% said they'd bone their teacher for better grades, which makes me think I went into the wrong field. Where can I find these girls!?

So far I've talked about a lot of TnA (that's Tits 'n Ass for all readers over 50 [Mom, Dad]), but aside from a nice juicy woman, I also appreciate other kinds of meat, namely, the red kind. In fact, if a woman's face was replaced with a steak (ok, you can keep her mouth there, but everything else is ribeye!) I'd be much more inclined to pay her some attention up there. But I digress; red meat is the best food and everybody knows it, so most people don't bother to advertise a product that sells itself. But most people are not Australian, so here's an advertisement from Australia for meat. And it's even better than it sounds, if that's even possible. H/T to my padre, and here's the link I saw it on at bookworm room.

 

Meat! Meat! Meat! And what goes better to wash down a nice steak than the Jew's Ear Juice?

Perhaps I'm missing something, but the way I'd translate that product is, "Black wood ear dew," which makes almost as much sense. Actually, inside the link they explain the translation and what the drink really is, but honestly, it's funnier if you don't know. The important thing is that it's "quality Jew's ear selected from Changbai Mountain." Gotta give the H/T to Dad again here, who seems to do more work for my blog than I do, doesn't he?

So now we've got TnA, Steak, and Jew Ear... what is this post missing? GUNS! While this post is no longer missing guns, it seems like the U.S. soon might be lacking the great equalizers. Obama Import Ban on Rifles Confirmed. That dirty stinky sekrit moslam kommanyst! THEY TOOK RRR GUNZ! Git r done? Admission: The Author of this post does not know what the hell "Git r done" means, if Larry the Cable Guy is reading this post, please enlighten me in the comments section. Also, please stop appearing on T.V., buy some sleeves, and apologize to your countrymen for everything you've ever done. Thank you.

 

This morning, while getting a haircut that adheres to military regulations (well, Navy regs, which is basically no ponytails), when I saw on the news that an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico exploded. "Huh", I thought, "the news doesn't usually run re-runs, does it?" Turns out, another rig exploded. Somebody really doesn't like that gulf.

P.S. - That somebody is not G-d, according to Stevey Hawkz.

Eco-terrizt takes Discovery Channel hostage, then is shot dead by the po-po. When a crazy person with right wing views does something crazy (i.e. bomb and abortion clinic), the Republican party gets blamed by the left, and the righties claim it was just a crazy person being crazy. When a crazy lefty does something crazy, the left blames the Republicans and then, when it is discovered that a lefty committed the crime, the left claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. The right also claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. I think it is fair to say the reason this phenomenon exists is because the conservatives, and even moreso the libertarians hold people responsible for their own behavior. Liberals, on the other hand, love to play the victim card (maybe that's why joooz are libs?) and say, "this little hoodlum was forced into a life of crime because of abject poverty" or "these angry terrizts are only killing us because of U.S. imperialism," and so on. Poverty, believe it or not, does not equal crime. I hate to pull a Tom Friedman and say, "I wish we were more like China," but if you were to go to a dirt poor village in China, you'd be safer than most cities in the U.S. And they make like, a hundred dollars a year out there.

So yeah, conservatives hold people to higher standards, liberals hold conservatives to higher standards and make excuses for lefties. Ok, those are some harsh and very generalized words. Now fight back, my liberal friends, school me in the comments! Don't let me get away with that libel!

Jimmy Carter Advisor: "Democrats used to be the voice of the common man in America, not his dictator. Harsh words.

As if being trapped in a mine til Christmas wasn't bad enough: Trapped Miner's Wife Meets His Mistress at Vigil. Now he's going to have to listen to her nag on top of it all, just kill yourself now buddy.

You don't say?: BBC Director General Admits BBC Had A Massive Lean to the Left. Well that's news to, uhh, nobody. What next, you'll be telling me Oscar is a grouch? 

I guess I should be more sensitive, after all, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. And while we're admitting things, I'll admit that I always thought BBC stood for Big Black Cock. I guess that's what I get for trolling streaming porn sites. Streaming porn sites are killing porn as we know it... does that mean I'm contributing to the death of a loved one? NOOOOO!!!!!

Video of an awesome baseball fight between the Marlins and the Nat'ls (I am not sure what that stands for... Naturals I think? Because none of them use steroids). Volstad looks pretty gangsta when he gets charged, but that clothesline from Sanchez was definitely a beastly move.

The other day I wrote about my grandfather and his excursion to the art museum with my grandmother. That prompted my father to send me an email about the most modern art ever, art so modern it hasn't even been created yet! David Thompson does a pretty great job with that, so click the link and read what he has to say about it.

False accusations for domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment should carry charges equal to the amount of jail time the "perpetrator" would get had he/she been convicted of the crime. Everybody knows that in cases of domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment, you're guilty until proven innocent.

Glenn Reynolds likens Marxist Utopia to a slave plantation, convincingly if I may say so:

"In fact, if you look at a Marxist Utopia — say, Cuba — what you’ll see is basically a plantation. At the top, you’ve got the Massa and his family — Fidel, Raul, et al. — followed by various layers of overseers — the Communist Party apparat, the secret police — and House Negroes — e.g., the state-controlled media — all living off the surplus labor of the Field Negroes, whose produce is disposed of not according to their own desires (that would be capitalism!) but according to their betters’. This, we’re told, is for the best, since they aren’t smart enough to make their own decisions anyway, and the Massa looks after them with food, housing, and health care. Slaveholders even defended their system as more humane and less exploitative than atomistic capitalism, conveniently ignoring the role of the lash, just as apologists for Marxism conveniently ignore the role of the gulag."

Interesting.

This Post Will Blow Your Mind

The Jersey Shore's The Situation is estimated to make 5 million dollars this year. I love you, America.

Yesterday I laid out my proposal for the abolition of marriage as a state institution. One of my favorite commenters, Harry Potter (I assume that's what HP stands for), gave me a virtual high five, and shared that he too shares that sentiment. Today, in an interview continuing from yesterday, Red Eye's Greg Gutfeld  also came out in favor of abolition. He must read my blog (Welcome, Greg)! When asked about gay marriage, he responded:

"I have no problems with it. Look, gays deserve everything straights have, that’s just the bottom line. If it makes it easier for everybody, just remove the whole idea of marriage from government. I think it’s more of a religious question. They attach marriage to their religious beliefs and I can understand, it’s about the word. You know, I don’t care what they call it. And this thing out in California — so confusing to me. But you know what, whatever makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anybody — which sounds really contrived — is basically the way it should be, in my mind."

Noted pervert and proponent of authoritarianism observes what seems all too obvious to everybody else. NY is too expensive to film, says Woody Allen. And as Hollywood gets more and more expensive and restricting, many production companies are picking up shop and taking it elsewhere (like Vancouver, for example). If you want people to invest in your jurisdiction, maybe try having a business friendly climate.

Recently, Sean Penn has also taken to Europe as a location to film. Sean Penn is super lame (despite how awesome Spicoli is). This is an irrefutable fact, just like how proscuitto (import [di parma] only; please, domestic proscuitto should be a crime) is the best deli meat. Sean Penn is lame, and in case you needed any evidence, just watch the 2001 Tardcom thriller, I Am Sam. Tardcom, definition: A spoonerism palindrome onomotopia portmanteau conjoining the words Tard and Comedy. Other examples include The Other Sister, Benny and Joon, and of course Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. Oh so where was I? Sean Penn is lame, right. Well today, surprisingly, I've got to give it to him. He is very, very brave. I'm not talking about how he "speaks truth to power" and loves communism, that's standard Hollywood fare. No, I'm talking about his decision to transition into a woman as a 50-something. I always knew Princess Buttercup was a lesbian, why else would she reject the charming Prince Humperdink? Well Robin, you've got your wish; here's Shawna Penn!

Sean really gave his detractors some ammunition with that shot. On the other hand, Yoko Ono, who I have hated for my entire conscious life, has completely redeemed herself. She sang at the MoMA, intimately engaged with the crowd and uploaded the video for all to see. She's done great correcting her image with this one, that's for sure (H/T: Twitter buddy and Navy prior service, GConRap).

She was either trying to sing, or was getting fucked hard by John Lennon's ghost. I prefer to think it's the latter; regardless, my favorite part had to be at the end when those 'tards (I'm sorry Sarah Palin, I mean mentally disabled... retard) were talking about how great the performance was. I have never appreciated "modern art," because to me, it was usually like, one little black dot in the center of an outrageously large white canvas or something retarded like that. This disdain for "modern art" is strongly tied to the male Vikings in my family, starting roughly with my paternal grandfather. My grandmother, who LOVES modern art (she has the quirkiest, most awesome sense of style evah) dragged my grandfather to the Guggenheim art museum a long time ago against his will. When they got there, my grandmother quickly lost (ignored is probably better) my grandfather, but eventually she noticed he was missing. She looked around and found a crowd gathered around one piece, listening intently to the tour guide. Upon closer inspection, she noticed that the tour guide was my grandfather, and was feeding the crowd complete bullshit (which they eat right up). "You see, those lines represent sexual repression, and that red splotch signifies the blood spilled in the fight for civil rights." My grandmother never made him go back to the art museum again. That sort of sabotage behavior is evident in my character, like when my mom asks me to do the laundry and I make sure to fuck it up so she never asks me to do it again! Thanks Gramps!

Epic fail: German teen who robbed a bank got caught after taunting police on the internet for mistaken coverage of the incident.

North of Germany, the Danes are going to space! Note the headline Viking reference. Thanks WJW! One of those involved mentioned that he's tired of waiting for NASA and wants to go to space. Well, good for him. On the other hand, we HAVE NASA and are tired of waiting for it, that's why we have the X-prize. I watched a documentary about the X-prize once, I remember being impressed with Burt Rutan at the time.

I interrupt this blog post with a message informing you: Ducks wear dog masks (via Izismile.com)

Your mind has just been blown! You will never look at a mallard duck the same way again. Let me blow your mind once more. Well, now you know what a real nerd looks like.

Iraqi's don't want us to leave... at least 60% of them don't. That's what they get for voting for Barack Obama, rubes!

Freedom Flotilla targeting New England during Obama's stay? JWF doesn't expect the press to take to the story unless they can somehow blame Israel (which seems unlikely, but then again, the 9/11 Mosque controversy was also able to be blamed on Israel, and Hitler is also being blamed on the Jews).

Leave Britney Obama alone! I agree that Obama playing golf isn't a big deal, the guy needs his personal time. It's unfair, but it just sucks that it fits the opposition narrative of an out-of-touch big wig who'd rather play golf than check the gulf. I'd be more sympathetic if his staunch defenders who wallow in Obamapity weren't the same partisans attacking Bush for similar activities. It's all partisanship though, and it's dumb. To be honest, the only reason I linked to this post was so I could make fun of golf, because it's the lamest sport out there. Also, to quote Mark Twain, as a commenter on the post did, "Golf is a good walk spoiled." Amen.

While on the topic of golf, Tiger Woods Taiwanese animators are at the cutting edge of the new media. I've seen a bunch of their animations, and I don't get what the big deal is, but I love Taiwan and thus, enjoy stories of their success. My HTC Incredible phone (which is aptly named) is also made in Taiwan (HTC is a Taiwanese company). 

The craziest car crash I've ever seen on tape, and the incredible part is that the guy didn't die on impact; he's apparently hospitalized in critical condition.

Steven Colbert tweets: "Iran may have a new weapon, but there's a bright side: they have to acknowledge Israel exists before they can attack it." He's hilarious, and all politics aside, he walks the walk when it comes to supporting the troops. He went to Iraq to tape his show with them, and he's welcoming them home as well. Unlike Code "We support the troops but not the war" Pink, who then go act in ways that severely hurt the troops (sometimes mortally), Steven Colbert does support the troops. Good on him.

Before I leave you, I have an awesome picture of a Kingly patriot.

Oyster Herpes, Ways To Quit Your Job, and Ground Queero

Lots of stuff to link today, and for some, the headlines just speak for themselves so I'll let them do that.

Shaq is really a 12 year old girl named Tanya.

Latest Adverse Effect of Global Warming: Oyster Herpes. Not kidding, not even a little bit.

Judge Grants Bail for Angry Flight Attendent (the one mentioned in yesterday's post).

Best Way to Quit Your Job. She really is a HPOA.

Paul Ryan again makes Paul Krugman look like a partisan hack.

Yesterday Medicare's chief actuary said that it's a failure. Today we find out Social Security is a ponzi scheme (something a certain Viking has been saying for years).

Somebody just give her some damn nuggets before she burns this motherfucker down (video below). There's no sound, so click the link to get some background and then watch.

Winning hearts and minds, healing the world from the terror that was Bush/Cheney '00-'08... Tell me, sir, is this the hope or is it the change? Iran digs mass graves for future U.S. troops. Honestly, Iran digging mass graves for 'Mrrkin troops is like the Giants selling Superbowl XLII Champion T-shirts on February 2nd, 2008 (mom's birthday, happy birthday 2008 Mom). Oh... wait, maybe that's not a good analogy.

SecDef to Cut Spending at the Pentagon. This is potentially a good thing, if they make prudent budgeting decisions. It'd be laughably ignorant to argue that there's no good places to cut defense spending without harming national security. There are plenty of places to hit us, and as long as they hit us in reasonable places, I'm happy. But by G-d if you cut my pay, congress, I'll fucking shit everywhere! And give me more bonuses, allowances, and double my G.I. bill. Thanks in advance!

Instead of cutting services, why not pay gov't employees less (but I'll SHIT EVERYWHERE!)? Not a bad idea, honestly. Even Gawker has complained about gov't salaries, saying "only government bloodsuckers made more money last year."

Noted man with feminine first name who rubs one out each time Obama speaks criticizes Obama... what is going on here? Don't blow up his spot, Dana! I legitimately didn't know that Obama has played double the amount of golf in 2 years as W. did in 8. Who's side are you working for anyway?! Get your message straight, don't you know that you're at the WaPo?

Best news evah? Girls hitting puberty earlier than ever! Actually, that might be the worst news ever... if I'm slummin' around with a 3rd grader, I sure as hell don't want there to be a possibility that I get her preggers. Damn cryin' shame, stop pouring estrogen into the water supply to turn us gay/sterile/into women. Let me add to that conspiracy theory; nope, I couldn't think of anything crazier than that which has already said. Hmm, gotta try... Owen Wilson has a great nose, he just uses CGI to make it look bad so the general public doesn't get jealous that he has it all. I could do better than that, but I'm not going to right now. Anyway, girls are hitting puberty earlier, and I've had a constant boner since I was 3, but I still can't grow a damn beard?

Maybe it IS real, not just a conspiracy? Chinese babies grow breasts due to contaminated milk.

Bi-partisan: Mature, 49 year old man refuses to take a letter from somebody who disagrees with him politically. Maybe he's just scared of Rick Perry, after all, he does go jogging with a badass gun. For all those who click on that second link, I must forewarn you: they use the word varmint.

Christopher Hitchens, who I agree with maybe 50% of the time but respect very much, writes about the bad reaction to the Ground Zero Mosque. I'm totally with him on this one, quote:

"Where to start with this part-pathetic and part-sinister appeal to demagogy? To begin with, it borrows straight from the playbook of Muslim cultural blackmail. Claim that something is "offensive," and it is as if the assertion itself has automatically become an argument. You are even allowed to admit, as does Foxman, that the ground for taking offense is "irrational and bigoted." But, hey—why think when you can just feel?"

While I personally feel strongly in opposition to the building of that mosque, and I know (as Hitchens does too) that this is a blatant provocation from a guy who is obviously no friend to America, I too believe that the answer is not to have executive power shut down the operation. Protesting or writing about the mosque is fine, but pleas for Obama to step in and deny the owners of the property to do what they'd like with it is not OK. Best solution: Gutfeld's gay bar. Libertypundits and some others have already been brainstorming some good names for it. To name a few, they have Ground Queero, Al Gayda, Jihard, Dome of the Cock, United 69. So I am offended by the Mosque there, as I am surely meant to be, but as I've said before, I thought this was 'Mrrka. This place was founded on religious freedom, and it's been a whole lot better to my people than anywhere else we've gone (besides Israel of course).

Ground Zero Mosque's response to Greg Gutfeld's gay bar idea: "Your gay bar won't build dialogue because it doesn't consider our sensibilities." Ahh, I love to end a post with a little irony.

In Honor of the Upcoming Shark Week

Hey look, a small Japanese person playing a famous American pop song on a ukulele... How adorable! If you don't like that song, he also does Obladi Oblada by the Beatles, which you can find in the related videos section to the side of the actual video.

Aside from being really cute, it's also quite impressive considering the kid doesn't speak English. And by impressive, I mean hilarious. He sounds the way I do when I don't know the lyrics to a song. Case in point being the Lady GaGa song "Bad Romance." My sister swears that she says "Bon Jovi Romance" throughout the song, and ever since she said that, that's all I can hear. "Ra ra ah ah ah, roma roma ah, Gaga Ooh la la, Bon Jovi Romance." You'll understand when you hear it.

If Google Maps, Earth, Voice, Search, Video, and Google PeepingTom don't give you anxiety about privacy issues, start worrying. Soon, even your thoughts will not be safe. With the help of the CIA, the Google will read your mind, and then ostensibly decorate your thoughts with a different nifty layout for every holiday you didn't know existed (Didn't you know Reed, July 29th is Gerard Depardieu's second cousins b-day, that's why it's le googleau today).

Tolerance and respect for diversity in the democratic party: My GOP opponent is taking JOOOOOish money. They're just giving him their precious joo gold, and c'mon, they're jooooooooooz. Seems like the democrats are coordinating their racist message today (perhaps they took their talking points from Journolist?), because the top democratic politician in the country referred to blacks as "mongrel people." For those afraid or too lazy to hit the link, that cracker in the white house called black people mongrels. Do you need me to spell it out for you? That racist (half) white man President Obama was caught being a racialist racist! I'm SOOOO OUTRAGED! But like Glenn said, "It's only racist if a Republican says this sort of thing."

Sportsgrid seems to think this guy had the worst idea ever. I tend to think the first guy to eat an artichoke was taking more of a risk, but seriously, Cleveland fans? If this were Philadelphia, he'd be dead in a dumpster, probably being sexually assaulted by homeless people. So yeah, I am going to call them out and say that this guy did not have the worst idea ever. The real worst idea a person could ever have? Going to Philadelphia.

Autralian guy with funny first name tells us what we already know. Harvard Prof. Niall Ferguson warns about the dangers of our financial house (aka, we're in deep shit, this debt is super duper serial). I'm not a doomsayer, but OMG WE'RE DOOMED! It's probably because we let a sekrit islamb into the white house to destroy our country. On the real, it's a bad situation and I just wish somebody would listen to Paul Ryan. Our Congress doesn't know the meaning of the word budget and they don't give a shit because it's MY generation that's going to get fucked. Good thing I hedged my bets and speak Chinese... I've got a pretty decent chance to be able to survive, whether 'Mrrka keeps kickin' ass or not. I'll probably just blast off into space asap with my harem whenever that becomes technologically feasible. Maybe I'll kidnap Christopher Nolan too so that he can blow my mind with new movies every few years (yeah, Inception kicked serious ass).

Now for the important stuff: What would the world be like without sharks? Well I know we wouldn't have the JAWS ride at universal, that's for sure. I love sharks; anytime anybody asks me what animal I'd be if I could choose one, I tell them I'd be an apex predator. If I had to choose an extant land animal, I'd probably be a tiger or a wolf or a bear... In the sea, I'd be a Greak White Shark, Orca (they don't call 'em Killer Whale for nothing) or Moby Dick (He's named Dick for a reason... he slangs that big thang like an oscar meyer). In the air, I'd be an 'Mrrkin Eagle (known to terrizts and hippies as a bald eagle) or some sort of genius, bespectacled owl. Now if we were to consider extinct animals, depending on time period I'd be a Dire Wolf, Smilodon (Sabre Toothed Tiger) or a T-Rex, RAWRRRR!!! Pretty obvious choices... is anybody still reading? Does anybody care :'(.

Alright, well now I'll give you something we can all agree is good, or in honor of Gerard Depardieu's 2nd cousin's birthday, something we can all agree is bon. Enjoy (yes, one of those photos is from a site called chicksfishing.com, G-d Bless 'Mrrrka and the interweb). Some pictures of me (in Shark form) and some beautiful womens.

Black Jew: The Unicorn of Minorities

A bit of a slow news day for me, but I did read an article about the best mom evah. But seriously, selling the baby was more responsible than putting it in the dumpster, right? I also enjoy how committed she was to video games, that despite her gambling debt, she was willing to use some of that baby-sale money to buy a playstation. As a gamer, I can relate to that, and don't tell my parents, but back when my little brother was still young and cute, and not a terrizt teenager, I tried to trade him for a superscope on SNES. Yeah, I already had the console, but the toy gun was totally worth the trade. Vash, you're cool and all, but at the time, you were like a little baby and were sorta useless, so forgive me for my evil thoughts. I digress, where was I? Worst mom, check.

Best basketball player evah? Amar'e Stoudemire. He just found out about his jewish roots (I know, really?) and these are some of his last few tweets on twitter:

“Boker Tov !! People. Have a great day. I'm done with a weight lift, next stop Basketball Court. All ways working. Shalom.”

When asked, "What's up with the hebrew, are you jewish?" his response was, "Yes Indeed!!"

"I'm the new Reggie White. (RIP) I'm going 2 Israel 2 study Hebrew. It's time 2 get a better understanding on who we R. Follow me !! Shalom" He then mentioned that he has family that lives there.

"Just finished playing a game of Chess. That's a great game to play." I agree Amar'e.

"On the flight to Israel. This is going to be a great trip. The holy land. Learn about it. This ze ha'halom sheli. Shalom."

"Jerusalem is a beautiful city, I'm at a cafe eating a late lunch. I'm learning Hebrew by the min. Keep up !! Shalom."

I don't even watch basketball (because the knicks suck and didn't get Lebron), but I'd actually heard of Stoudemire which is impressive for somebody as ignant as I. Actually, I'll be honest and say that when I first was directed to his twitter, I thought it was Damon Stoudemire's (the basketball playing Stoudemire I actually know; I used to like the Trail Blazers when I was in middle school). But still, this guy is the man, purely because he's of the same religion as me. JEW POWER! Tribal affiliation trumps all, suckas!

Overreaction much? Woman threatened at knife-point after the knife-weilder touches her butt. It's not what you think, honestly. Laquita Mattox's friend toucher has ass, causing her to clench, and thus break the bed she was sitting on with her what I assume to be ginormous ass.

I once posted a video of Steven Colbert embarrassing WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange (yes, that's his real last name), and I figured Assange's credibility was pretty much shot after everybody exposed him as an ideologue commited to damaging America's image and standing, even if he had to manipulate facts and footage to do it. I had hoped not to give him the time of day, but this scumbag apparently has endangered the lives of a ton of Afghans who trusted us to keep them safe in return for working with us. This guy went from dishonest hack to worst kind of scum pretty quick. I know he's off hiding in Sweden, but if Obama can order unmanned drone assassinations of U.S. Citizens (see Anwar Al-Awlaki, U.S. Citizen) without trial, he certainly could pop a cap in this fools douchey blonde head. His hair is only marginally less terrible than Guy Fieri's, but at least Guy seems to realize how bad his hair is and genuinely seems to hate himself. This guy looks like a gay Draco Malfoy... Gayco Malfoy.

Kobayashi lost this hot-dog eating competition when he had to run to the ATM half-way thru and drain his bank account. 69 Dollar Hot Dog at Serendipity 3. My family used to go there yearly to celebrate the end of the school year, and I think it got gayer each year (literally gay, not like, derogatory "quit being so gay" gay). The frozen hot chocolate was always pretty good, but that's about all I remember from that place besides the gayness and how the interior looks. Makes sense that they'd have a 69 dollar weiner, if you get my middle school level drift ;).

Speaking of gay, Masshole rep Barney Frank (D-Mass) perpetuates age-old jewish stereotype's by arguing over a dollar senior citizen discount. Glenn puts it best: "If only he were as cheap with our money as he is with his own."

“Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank caused a scene when he demanded a $1 senior discount on his ferry fare to Fire Island’s popular gay haunt, The Pines, last Friday. Frank was turned down by ticket clerks at the dock in Sayville because he didn’t have the required Suffolk County Senior Citizens ID. A witness reports, ‘Frank made such a drama over the senior rate that I contemplated offering him the dollar to cool down the situation.’”

They call this news? Muslims and Nazis don't like Jewish People. Keep up the groundbreaking reporting Der Spiegel.

Just because you're a teacher does not mean you're good, nor does it mean you necessarily care about children. Whistleblowing teacher fired for exposing teacher thefts of student food. What a god awful story, only one person here did the right thing and she got punished. That's usually how it goes though, ain't it? Stealing federally provided lunches from poor students, it doesn't get much worse than that. Actually, now that I've started my brain working, if I really wanted to go to hell, after stealing the lunch I'd sell it back to the kids (at a cheap price of course, they ARE strapped for cash you know) and make a little bonus. You always hear how underpaid teachers are, right?

Just because you're a cop does not mean you're good, nor does it mean you necessarily care about stopping murderers and saving lives. Unfortunately, I kind of understand the cops a little tiny bit here... Yes, what they did was jacked up, but that's the sort of lesson that gets instilled in large bureaucracies, where covering ones own ass is the most important thing. Ideally, I would hope that covering your ass would involve not letting innocent people get murdered on your watch, but who am I to have ideals anyway? As always, Glenn puts it best: "Breaking down doors for drug raids is bad. Breaking down doors to prevent murder is good. Guess which one the cops hold back on..." Remember, a few months ago I posted video of the cops breaking into a house on a "drug bust," arresting the father and killing the pet dog in front of the family (including a little kid). I think they found a little pot in that house, but that was all. Dave Chappelle was wiser than he knew (first minute has the most relevant part, but the whole clip is hilarious).

Chappelle's Show
Tron Carter's Law & Order
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story