Reed the Viking

All We Hear is Radio Ga Ga

VDH: Decline is in the Mind. This is one of my favorite posts by VDH, a former professor of Classics and military historian, and it put some things in perspective for me. Decline is in the mind, and it's also a choice. America doesn't have to throw in the towel and let China take the lead. That is not predestined.

Canadian Woman Survives Deadly Cancer with Miracle Procedure... in America. It doesn't explicitly mention it in the article, but the Mayo clinic she had her procedure in is located in America. We'll see how long that sort of headline lasts after our healthcare system fully realizes the new legislation. I hope we don't see any decline in those sorts of headlines, though. I sincerely hope I am wrong and the healthcare legislation transforms our system for the better. But just save this article when people brag about Canadian healthcare.

Jewish Viking Blogger Re-evaluates His Feelings About Germany. Actually, I harbor no ill will against ze Germans; I love their food, I love their beer, and their women ain't bad either. Just gotta keep our eyes open for the telltale signs if they start to revert back to their 1930's attitudes. I was actually thinking about it earlier last week, how people often dismiss the anti-semitic comments from the usual suspects (Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket comes to mind) as just a political rhetorical flourish to please the fundamentalist base. It's very hard for Jews to dismiss eliminationist comments as empty threats, when, given the opportunity, people who spoke that way DID try to eliminate us. So yeah, that might be why Israel takes Iranian threats very, very seriously. Last time we didn't take such comments seriously, it didn't end well for us.

Best Dad Evah. Alternate Headline: British Guy Really Loves Fat Chicks. Cost to the taxpayer: 1.5 million pounds, which is equal to the combined weight of his ten girlfriends.

I've always been a huge fan of the Quaids. Denny Q-ballz is great for a trillion reasons (Dragonheart, Frequency being the first two I can think of). Randy Q-ballz is great for even more reasons (Not Another Teen Movie, Midnight Express, Independence Day), but most recently I love him for this: Randy Quaid Arrested for Squatting. I thought he would never measure up to Denny, seeing as Dragonheart is the greatest movie of all time (I mean c'mon, Sean Connery is a Dragon, Professor Lupin is an evil ginger king, Pete Postlethwaite joins to make the best cast evar). This might put him on the level.

We already knew Sasha Baron Cohen could do gay, but can he do Zoroastrian? Sasha Baron Cohen Slated to Play Freddie Mercury in Biopic. I hope he's good for the role, because if they fuck up a Freddie Mercury biopic, they'll have legions of angry Queen fans at their throats, myself included. Here's to the greatest vocalist in rock 'n roll history.

SEXIST! Harry Reid Calls Kirsten Gillibrand "Hottest Member of Senate." NOW, please notify me when after you have sent him a letter of reprimand.

Having just fasted for the holiday of Yom Kippur, I do find this practice a bit... unsettling. Jews Twirl Dead Chickens Above Their Heads. I found a Reform Jewish Temple out here (never found one when I was stationed in California) and I had a nice time going to services for the High Holy Days. It's funny to go to temple and see people dressed in Hawaiian floral shirts, and it was the highest population of Asian Jews I've ever seen in once place. The Rabbi was pretty good, but he has a funny speech impediment and sounds like one of the Spathi from Star Control 2. Pretty damn funny.

Suuuuuuuuuure you did, Dave. David Letterman: Yeah, I Knew Joaquin Phoenix's Interview Was a Hoax.

Media Lefty Admits Media Bias for Democrats. Nothing we didn't know here, but I like to repeat it to drill the point home. Especially when prominent, well-known leftists admit that the media will literally play cover for the D's.

More on Delaware and the O'Donnell race... I'm still of the opinion that I preferred Mike Castle as a candidate, but Christine O'Donnell is who the primary voters of Delaware wanted, and the GOP in Delaware should get behind her instead of playing sore loser. Sore loser also being played in Alaska, where entrenched establishment politician lost the primary and instead of endorsing the GOP candidate, has continued to smear him and conduct a write in campaign. Back to the topic of O'Donnell, I think the lefty meme about her being a witch is way off the mark. I've done stuff in HS that I'm not proud of, and that would look terrible on a campaign. It's not fair, but the Dems will do it to her as the GOP would do it to Dems with shady pasts. To prove my point, let's take the O'Donnell/Carter Quiz! I scored a perfect score, 100% ;). Don't cheat, and see if you'll be surprised. The takeaway from the quiz, for me, was not that O'Donnell or Jimmy Carter are loons because of crazy things they've said in the past taken out of context, but that pretty much everybody says crazy shit sometimes. If I ran for office in 20 years, do you think I'd be the same person as I am now? And do you think that the admittedly crazy things I've said here, taken out of context, could seem pretty damning? I sure do, my mom's even worried about my employment when I get out of the military because of this blog. In the quiz article is a quote from O'Donnell that actually warms me up to her a great deal, so hopefully that's really who she is and I underestimated her.

If there's one link you click on in this entire post, let it be the VDH post that I linked to first. If you click on TWO links this entire post, take the O'Donnell/Carter quiz. It'll challenge your preconceived notions and all that (well, I scored 100% but that's mostly because I'm a smart ass and guessed at the game, I didn't truly know the answers).

How Dogs Got Domesticated. Awesome video, I want a pet fox.

58% of Middle East Muslims Oppose Ground Zero Mosque? Talk about pre-conceived notions, consider my mind blown. Of course, I wouldn't take those numbers at face value; polling is often about the way questions are worded and the samples used. But I'm too lazy to do due diligence, so I'm stickin' with the article. Actually, the numbers aren't the important part of the article, just good for a headline. This is a very good article, read it. I particularly love the story about Caliph Omar, and the way Fouad Ajami relates it to his larger point.

I had previously seen the Facebook: Civil War Edition, but today my BFF Dr. Ago sent me a new one of Facebook: Historical Events. I am posting both pictures side by side, you'll need to click on them to make them larger so you can see, they're both really funny.

 

2011's Hottest New Reality Show

Scientific Question of the Day: Is Your Child a Prehomosexual?

Great: Turks Prefer Mideast Over Europe.

Boston Herald is running an article about John Kerry's disdain for the Tea Party. Quoted in the article are two of my favorite and often linked to bloggers, Prof. Glenn Reynolds and Prof. William Jacobson. I particularly like:

"I think the Tea Party couldn't ask for any better publicity than to be denounced by a millionaire for dodges paying taxes on his yacht."

Glenn notes in the above link that he couldn't have said it better himself (it's a joke, because he said it. Good one, Glenn LOLZ!).

The Last Psychiatrist gives his take on the Inez Sainz NY Jets affair. It's very interesting, and he probably had better things to say than I did. I've only read two of his posts so far, but his style is entertaining and his posts often contain good laughs. Thanks to commenter HP for the tip on this blog.

You can't please everybody all the time: Chris Christie Blasts Jersey Shore. LEAVE SNOOKIE ALONE! No seriously, leave her alone, she's got herpes. Snookie and Vinnie fire back at the haters. I laughed at the mental image of the snookster drinking coffee and reading books in Barnes and Nobel. In said mental image, she's always reading the classic "Goodnight Moon."

GOP leader John Cornyn, has been getting a lot of flack from social conservatives over his plans to speak at a gay republican event. Intelligently enough, he understands that fully embracing social conservatism will alienate people like me. Choice quotes:

"Mr. Cornyn, who has been on the receiving end of anti-establishment anger, argued that the Tea Party had helped Republicans in one important respect, by moving the debate away from social issues. While Tea Party supporters tend to be socially conservative on issues like same-sex marriage and abortion, most say they don't want to talk about them... 

"As I've traveled," he said, "I've talked to a lot of folks who are basically independents who say: I'm fine with the Republicans as long as we're talking about fiscal responsibility. Where I go off the reservation is when you talk about social issues."

He's got that right, in my case and in the cases of many others. I don't care what your personal view on gay marriage or abortion is as long as you don't try to legislate on it. Chris Christie, for example, is pro-life, but I don't care because he has said he would never take action in pursuit of those beliefs. That's why Christine O'Donnell bothers me; she seems pretty cooky, I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks the President was born in Kenya, which is not something I want in an elected representative. Also, she plays politics like a liberal; the identity politicking has already began as she screams the gender-card. Part of what I hate about the modern left is the identity and victimhood politics. Libertarianism and to some extent, conservatism is about content and substance, not superficiality and group identity.

The GOP will never win with young voters if they keep the social conservatives as the backbone of their support. There was a new episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia tonight, and it was about gay marriage. Aside from being hilarious, the episode really made the anti-gay crowd look stupid. I understand that you're religious and that's fine, but the Bible also says it's ok to beat your slave to death, so long as he dies two days after the beating and not immediately. Fundamentalism is bad when you're adhering to millennia old doctrines.

Politics as usual... that's why we've got to vote these fuckers out and change their concept of what's considered "usual."

Most absurd idea for a reality show to date. I mean, it's already so ridiculous that I won't be surprised if the next big thing is about a family of gay albino werewolves who are competing in a wedding planning competition where the grand prize winner gets to star in the new Balto movie. When that show gets made, I want my cut. They'll call the competition The Ididhernot.

I wonder if his Wolfmother noticed he was gay back when he was a prehomosexual pup?

NYT Really Hates the Tea Party. From Allah, "The New York Times' idea of bipartisanship: Democrats and Republicans joining hands to crush conservatives." I've said it before that the media will only ever praise a conservative for acting like a liberal (2000 McCain ringin' any bells?), and will only ever shit on a Democrat if it becomes apparent that the story is so mainstream that they can't hide from it anymore (John Edwards affair ringin' any bells?) or if the liberal is not acting liberal enough. I've said it particularly of John Stewart, for his only criticism of the left is that they aren't left enough. But John Stewart is an entertainer and comedian, not operating under the guise of impartiality.

Time Magazine considers Everybody Draw Mohammed Day to be gratuitously provocative. I consider Time Magazine to have it's head up it's ass. Have they even looked at what was being drawn of Mohammed? South Park merely wanted to show the prophet, not doing anything in particular, but comedy central chickened out. The creator of EDM Day and myself both drew the most inoffensive pictures you could draw on MS Paint. I guess standing up for free speech is just a gratuitous provocation these days.

More hateful tea-party anti-Republican violence here and here. You'd think with all the hate and rancor towards conservatives these days that the conservatives were in power... I find it rather odd, considering the house, the senate, and the executive branch are completely run by Democrats with a supermajority.

California's most anti-semitic public school: U.C. Irvine. It has quite the track record.

The future is here, and it's awesome: Spray-on Clothing. I kinda want that shirt.

Surprise: Joaquin Phoenix's meltdown was a hoax. But does a hoax have any meaning if nobody cares?

The Lesson of Jacob Maged. I don't really care too much for George Will, but this is a pretty good article and definitely worth the read.

I told my girlfriend I was going to get her a gun, so that if she ever got harassed, she could feel confident and protect herself. She said that in Taiwan, where she's from, people don't do that. They don't own guns in Taiwan. I asked her what she'd do if a group of muggers tried to attack her. Her response was that she'd call that police. Here's another reason to arm yourself, and remember that sometimes the police can't get there in time (even if you warned them in advance that you were being held hostage, as is the case in the article). 

Allah has been toting this video as "The manliest ad in political history." It's pretty manly, but it doesn't do it for me the way D-Petes' AG commish video did. He's too sober I think.

Technology: Past, Present and Future

The future of relationships: GPS Dating? I can't wait 'til the first murder case from that idea hits the press.

The Irony of Jesse Jackson's SUV. 

If I had known the police force was this much fun, I would've looked into becoming a cop! That guy has a pretty terrible mustache though, and from that you can see that it's clear he could never cut it as an officer of the law. Seems like the other cops that arrested them watched it for a while, considering they reported seeing THREE different sexual acts followed by a threesome of... fondling.

Hey look, a midget! The shortest one in the world, at that.

Prof. William Jacobson gives us a look at the world's most... unexpected Toyota Pious. Seriously, I thought Prius' came from the factory with the Kerry/Edwards '04 and Obama/Biden '08 stickers attached... this car is some anomaly.

The other day when that Discovery hostage situation went down, I wrote about the different reactions from left and right. Glenn Reynolds wrote an article in the Washington Examiner which I believe to be written as satire on who is responsible for the hostage situation. I'm not 100% sure it's satire, as Glenn said he wasn't going to tell and "spoil the fun" but my first thought was, "this doesn't sound like Glenn, I can't believe he's really writing this," and then my second thought was, "oh, he got me, it's satire." When Patterico responded similarly to myself, Glenn took notice and put a poll on his site asking his readers what they thought (is it satire? serious? joking on the square?). Readers opinions were pretty split; I had to look up "joking on the square" to know what it meant, but it's basically when you're joking, but what you're saying is also kinda true. I hope it's satire, because that's exactly the type of article a lefty would write in response to violence from a right-wing nutjob.

Jammie Wearing Fool rips Code Pink (not like it's hard, but still) and reminds us all that many involved in the anti-war movement between 2000-2008 were simply playing partisan politics for the democrats they support. They flat out say it. At least Cindy Sheehan has beliefs and principles, nutty as they may be.

Unbelievable: The Palestinians are to the right of the Obama Administration on the matter of Iran. If only our president had the stones to use that kind of language against a regime which is undeniably our enemy. The same Iran that allegedly is paying an 1000 dollar bounty on American soldiers' lives. The same Iran that is alleged to have orchestrated the Hamas attacks on Israeli settlers to derail peace talks.

Looks like the Obama administration did as thorough a check of it's new carpet as the media did of Obama during the campaign. Talk about tone deaf, this is 2 years after the first time somebody corrected the same mistake. Even the WaPo couldn't ignore this one.

God responds to Stephen Hawking.

A certain Viking named Reed wishes he was born 800,000 years ago. The food was good and the women were sexy, and most importantly, clothing was optional ;). If only they had the medical technology of the Nubians, they'd be the perfect society. 2010 AD: Medical Marijuana. 250 AD: Medical Beer. Seems like they were way ahead of the times.

While on the topic of ancient technology that was way before it's time, here's a picture of an ancient virus protection device.

 

The Washington Examiner asks, "Why is the White House so obsessed with sex?" Maybe they'd have a clue if they weren't a bunch of virgins over there... Oh, wait, they mean "With unemployment at 9.6%, why is the White House obsessed with gender." Good question that we all know the answer to.

End the war on drugs.

End the war on drugs. Yes, this is a different link.

Jonah Goldberg has a great roundup of links (including the one I linked to about 800,000 year old society). A lot of good stuff in there, but too many for me to link 'em all when he's got it all neatly arranged for you there.

Some Navy news from the entertainment industry. "The one thing the Navy can never afford to ever do is allow that battle to be screwed up in any way by Hollywood." Don't let Hollywood film it then.

Here's a cool look at what screen technology might look like in 2014. I love the future.

I'll Take Her, A Rare Ribeye, and a Nice Glass of Jew's Ear Juice

I didn't post yesterday, so I've got lots of great news to write about today!

I always had a little bit of an issue with the current Iranian regime, particularly due to their feelings towards the jooooz. But then, lots of people hate the jooooz, so there was no reason to get fired up about it... that is, until now. Iranian Newspaper: "Carla Bruni is a Whore Who Should Be Killed." Sick fucks, you leave my Carla alone! This is not the way to win hearts and minds in the international community, which everybody knows is what Iran has been trying to do with the election of Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket.

Ok, seriously Iran? Now I'm REALLY angry! Cheerleaders Forced to Cover Up During US-Iran Basketball Game. I'm really actually angry at 'Mrrrka for agreeing to that bullshit. I want my cheerleaders half-nude, dumb as a rock, and busty as hell.

I'm not the only guy (hardly) who likes a large bust. From Glenn, Quote of the Day: "I want it just like her but with bigger boobs." Classic stuff right there. Anybody who's spent 15 minutes in conversation with me knows that I can't wait for lifelike sex-dolls. I want them to be completely customizable so when I'm in the mood to free willie, I can pack on her pounds, or when I'm trying to get my King Kong on, I can get me a jungle girl. For all other times, Salma Hayek in Desperado will do just fine.

Maybe I could do without the sexbots if I sign up for this dating site. 64% of Young Woman on Dating Site Would Make Sex Tape to Get Ahead. 45% said they'd bone their teacher for better grades, which makes me think I went into the wrong field. Where can I find these girls!?

So far I've talked about a lot of TnA (that's Tits 'n Ass for all readers over 50 [Mom, Dad]), but aside from a nice juicy woman, I also appreciate other kinds of meat, namely, the red kind. In fact, if a woman's face was replaced with a steak (ok, you can keep her mouth there, but everything else is ribeye!) I'd be much more inclined to pay her some attention up there. But I digress; red meat is the best food and everybody knows it, so most people don't bother to advertise a product that sells itself. But most people are not Australian, so here's an advertisement from Australia for meat. And it's even better than it sounds, if that's even possible. H/T to my padre, and here's the link I saw it on at bookworm room.

 

Meat! Meat! Meat! And what goes better to wash down a nice steak than the Jew's Ear Juice?

Perhaps I'm missing something, but the way I'd translate that product is, "Black wood ear dew," which makes almost as much sense. Actually, inside the link they explain the translation and what the drink really is, but honestly, it's funnier if you don't know. The important thing is that it's "quality Jew's ear selected from Changbai Mountain." Gotta give the H/T to Dad again here, who seems to do more work for my blog than I do, doesn't he?

So now we've got TnA, Steak, and Jew Ear... what is this post missing? GUNS! While this post is no longer missing guns, it seems like the U.S. soon might be lacking the great equalizers. Obama Import Ban on Rifles Confirmed. That dirty stinky sekrit moslam kommanyst! THEY TOOK RRR GUNZ! Git r done? Admission: The Author of this post does not know what the hell "Git r done" means, if Larry the Cable Guy is reading this post, please enlighten me in the comments section. Also, please stop appearing on T.V., buy some sleeves, and apologize to your countrymen for everything you've ever done. Thank you.

 

This morning, while getting a haircut that adheres to military regulations (well, Navy regs, which is basically no ponytails), when I saw on the news that an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico exploded. "Huh", I thought, "the news doesn't usually run re-runs, does it?" Turns out, another rig exploded. Somebody really doesn't like that gulf.

P.S. - That somebody is not G-d, according to Stevey Hawkz.

Eco-terrizt takes Discovery Channel hostage, then is shot dead by the po-po. When a crazy person with right wing views does something crazy (i.e. bomb and abortion clinic), the Republican party gets blamed by the left, and the righties claim it was just a crazy person being crazy. When a crazy lefty does something crazy, the left blames the Republicans and then, when it is discovered that a lefty committed the crime, the left claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. The right also claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. I think it is fair to say the reason this phenomenon exists is because the conservatives, and even moreso the libertarians hold people responsible for their own behavior. Liberals, on the other hand, love to play the victim card (maybe that's why joooz are libs?) and say, "this little hoodlum was forced into a life of crime because of abject poverty" or "these angry terrizts are only killing us because of U.S. imperialism," and so on. Poverty, believe it or not, does not equal crime. I hate to pull a Tom Friedman and say, "I wish we were more like China," but if you were to go to a dirt poor village in China, you'd be safer than most cities in the U.S. And they make like, a hundred dollars a year out there.

So yeah, conservatives hold people to higher standards, liberals hold conservatives to higher standards and make excuses for lefties. Ok, those are some harsh and very generalized words. Now fight back, my liberal friends, school me in the comments! Don't let me get away with that libel!

Jimmy Carter Advisor: "Democrats used to be the voice of the common man in America, not his dictator. Harsh words.

As if being trapped in a mine til Christmas wasn't bad enough: Trapped Miner's Wife Meets His Mistress at Vigil. Now he's going to have to listen to her nag on top of it all, just kill yourself now buddy.

You don't say?: BBC Director General Admits BBC Had A Massive Lean to the Left. Well that's news to, uhh, nobody. What next, you'll be telling me Oscar is a grouch? 

I guess I should be more sensitive, after all, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. And while we're admitting things, I'll admit that I always thought BBC stood for Big Black Cock. I guess that's what I get for trolling streaming porn sites. Streaming porn sites are killing porn as we know it... does that mean I'm contributing to the death of a loved one? NOOOOO!!!!!

Video of an awesome baseball fight between the Marlins and the Nat'ls (I am not sure what that stands for... Naturals I think? Because none of them use steroids). Volstad looks pretty gangsta when he gets charged, but that clothesline from Sanchez was definitely a beastly move.

The other day I wrote about my grandfather and his excursion to the art museum with my grandmother. That prompted my father to send me an email about the most modern art ever, art so modern it hasn't even been created yet! David Thompson does a pretty great job with that, so click the link and read what he has to say about it.

False accusations for domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment should carry charges equal to the amount of jail time the "perpetrator" would get had he/she been convicted of the crime. Everybody knows that in cases of domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment, you're guilty until proven innocent.

Glenn Reynolds likens Marxist Utopia to a slave plantation, convincingly if I may say so:

"In fact, if you look at a Marxist Utopia — say, Cuba — what you’ll see is basically a plantation. At the top, you’ve got the Massa and his family — Fidel, Raul, et al. — followed by various layers of overseers — the Communist Party apparat, the secret police — and House Negroes — e.g., the state-controlled media — all living off the surplus labor of the Field Negroes, whose produce is disposed of not according to their own desires (that would be capitalism!) but according to their betters’. This, we’re told, is for the best, since they aren’t smart enough to make their own decisions anyway, and the Massa looks after them with food, housing, and health care. Slaveholders even defended their system as more humane and less exploitative than atomistic capitalism, conveniently ignoring the role of the lash, just as apologists for Marxism conveniently ignore the role of the gulag."

Interesting.

I Just Like to Say Smock

I forgot to add one thing about my little Tibet/Taiwan/China talk yesterday. We have been supporting the Republic of China (Taiwan) since before they relocated to Taiwan. We have supported them since before World War II, and there are some arguably good reasons for it. They are capitalist, and embrace the West and our ideals. I won't say they were/are a model democracy, considering they had lots of corruption and 50 years of uninterrupted one party rule isn't exactly a paragon of democracy, but they aren't responsible for the deaths of millions upon millions of their own people. So Taiwan, like any other place, has its problems, but also look at how successful they are and the quality of life of it's people. You always hear about concerned Hollywood tools whining about Tibet, but do they actually know anything about the place? First of all, the PRC government will crack heads of any dissidents, not just along racial lines. Yeah, they murder the Wiggers (that's how I spell Uyghur) in Xinjiang and the Tibetans in Tibet, but they also murder any Han Chinese they disagree with too. Furthermore, do these tools know what kind of people they're supporting? Do they know what kind of government would exist in Tibet? Something similar to a theocracy, and a dead broke one with shit for infrastructure at that. Seriously, that asshole Lama cut me off, and then proceeded to drive 5 below the speed limit. The PRC has greatly improved the lives of people in Tibet, and a there are Han people who live there too.

Ok, I'll stop boring you with that, and instead, I'll bore you with this. My friend, an anti-religion self-proclaimed atheist, and I were talking about religion and what it does for good, and what it does for evil. We noted that atrocities have been committed in the name of religion, but also atrocities have been committed by bona fide atheists (Stalin, Mao ringing any bells?). What we did not note is the evolutionary basis for belief in G-d, so I'll refer you to NPR for an awesome, interesting article about just that.

Schooled by a commenter, CF, who tipped me off to this gem: Nurse's Union Topless Video Yanked. They talk about some other controversial Danish commercials, and I actually saw the one with the girl and the one night stand. Important question: How do I apply for the part of the patient in that ad? Anybody with the answer please contact me in the comments.

Cocaine? No way dude, this is powdered gum. Paris Hilton, take it from my sister, that "I'm just holding it for a friend" line doesn't work on anybody (well, maybe it'd work on you). She got arrested for only 0.8 grams, that's not even enough to have a cool billiards-related nickname. And you can't call it an eight-ball, because that's an eight of an ounce. Ahh drugs, teaching 'Mrrrkins the metric system since 1776. I actually had a conversation with some co-workers about how much I love the "freedom system" (i.e., inches, feet, miles, pounds, fahrenheit). The freedom system is basically just a big middle finger to the rest of the world, like, "Yeah, so what it doesn't make sense? This is 'Mrrrkah! FREEDOM." And then your friend throws a big sword.

Nanny State: Hey, let's ban TV for young kids! They've got all these fucking rules for kids nowadays, like they can't watch TV or drive cars, and you can't have sex with them or hit them with a belt. It's facism, and it makes me sick.

She told me she was just dancing til she saved enough to go to law school... I didn't take her seriously until I saw "Gibbons v. Ogden, 1821" tattooed on her taint. What a random court case to tattoo on yourself, you'd think that a woman working in the sex industry might pay more attention to "Roe vs. Wade." Tip your strippers well, they won't forget it when they're doctors or lawyers and you need help.

Science: "Yeah, so uh, we were just speculating about the stuff we've been hyping to the world as the most dangerous problem facing the human race. What, you expected us to actually check?" You've got to be fuckin' kidding me. Well, they had to come up with "proof" of the disastrous problem so that they could regulate legislate on it.

Via Glenn Reynolds, "bye bye fossil fuels"! Steven Den Beste does his best buzzkill: "hold up a minute Glenn, this might help the terrizts." But Steven, what if the government kept tight control over it... just kidding. On an unrelated and embarrassing note, I must admit that I thought thorium was an element made up by Blizzard Entertainment and used in their Warcraft series. On an unrelated and not-embarrassing note, my favorite element is Tungsten because it's symbol is W, and like, WTF is with that? Also, it sounds funny. So does the word "smock." There's a great Calvin and Hobbes comic about that one.

 

I knew it! Heavy Drinkers Outlive Non Drinkers. Take that, NERDS! SPRING BREAK '06, WOOOOOOOO!

Of course, Baboons already knew this secret to longevity (H/T: Hotair).

Evil jooooooz murder and rape poor, pitiful Palestinians in the West Bank are thriving. Could it be because their government is not a terrorist group who rejects the existence of Israel, but a more moderate group that rejects the existence of Israel.

U.S. Mosque, along with British toolbag, raise money for Hamas (with video).

And now I leave you on a bittersweet note, as I present you with a video symbolic of American decline. (H/T: Hotair.com) For if we cannot present the world with the greatest action scenes in modern cinema, I don't have much hope for our future. I'm just kidding, We've had tons of better scenes than this, but damn this one's good, and gotta give credit where it's due.

The Dalai Lama Cut Me Off

I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti... slthththth.

It's like rain on your wedding day, it's a free ride when you have 10,000 spoons and need a knife. It's one hand in my pocket, and the other hand was lost in 'Nam. I don't remember all the lyrics, ok? It's ironic though, or maybe it's just odd luck and coincidence. The point is, I think this qualifies under the umbrella of irony: Ghost Hunter killed by train while looking for ghost train. He was probably good at seeing supernatural stuff, which led to his tragic lack of natural sight. Now all he has to do to hunt ghosts is find a mirror, HEYO!

Mitch Daniels, one of my favorite politicians out there, is unfortunately short. At least he gets badass points for riding a harley to a speech appearance. On the other point, he gets major fags points for riding a harley.

Law Professor Ann Althouse tipped me off to that picture when she compared pictures of Presidents on bikes (and one stank ass commie with a gun). The same stank ass commie who went shirtless horseback riding in Siberia. If he weren't such a stank ass commie, he'd be like, 50% 'Mrrrkin, but he'd rather be an asshole.

Pop quiz: What does Reed the Viking hate more than commies? Pop answer: Terrizts. As the most 'Mrrkin blogger in the world, I obviously hate terrizm. Terrizm is antithetical to 'Mrrka and freedom and huge boobs attached to blonde hair (I'm not sure if there's anything between the breasts and the hair, you'd have to talk to a scientist about that). So does it upset me when my TSA routinely annoys the shit out of me when I want to travel, but still can't catch these fucking monkeys? News like this makes me want to punch a baby.

Best hair-do evah? Money quote: "I'll bet Ms. Progris wishes she'd spent more time doing Kegel exercises before her recent encounter at the jail."

For all you people out there who are not knowledgable about East Asia's politics or culture, let me explain some things to you. Chinese Taipei is communist for the 'Mrrrkin word, Taiwan. I think the Taiwanese and even them commie mainlanders also call the island Taiwan, but our gubment back in the 70's (thanks, Dick... Nixon) decided to push our democratic friends under the bus, or as the chinese say, 公共汽車, so now we call it Chinese Taipei. Even though all my clothes, my cell phone, and my girlfriend all say "made in Taiwan," when we have the little league olympics, we call a spade Chinese Taipei. For those interested (Hi Mom!) I am in favor of Taiwanese independence, but puzzlingly enough, I am not in favor of Tibetan independence. The Dalai Lama once cut me off and I'll never forgive him for it, asians really can't drive! Where do I draw the distinction between who should have self-determination? Arbitrarily... just kidding, Taiwan has it's own military (Army, Navy, Air Force) and has been politically and economically independent for decades. Tibet, well, sorry, but just deal with it, you lost. Supporting your independence movement is no different than supporting Hawaiian independence. Who are we 'Mrrrkins to get involved in issues infringing upon Chinese sovereignty when it comes to their territories (Taiwan doesn't count for the aforementioned reasons)?

Hmmm.... Governer of the People's Bank of China defected to 'Mrrrka? Doubtful but we'll see.

Glenn links to futurepundit about a melanoma killing drug, who makes sure to bash the counterintuitive, counterproductive measures of the FDA.

"But do not expect it at a doctor’s office any time soon.

Further studies are needed before the drug can be approved by the FDA.I find this infuriating. Once you’ve been given a death sentence diagnosis and have months to live why should you have to die without being able to try experimental treatments?

Stage IV metastatic variety of melanoma has a 5 year survival rate below 20% and even lower in some cases. Malignant melanoma diagnosis amounts to a check-out notice from the Life Hotel. Such check-out notices ought to entitle you to a “Get out of the FDA jail card” where you get to try experimental treatments."

Infuriating indeed. In better news, however, that drug will be obsolete when this miracle cure comes out. Well alcoholism is now considered a disease, can you cure that Mr. Smarty Pants Scientist? How about sex addiction? I've got a terrible case of it, and the only prescription is more bewbs! 

I tried really hard to stay away from 'Mrrrkin politics today, because I'm tired of it and I generally don't like anybody on either side (but I don't like liberals more; social cons, you suck too but as long as you're pissed about the economy I'll put up with you). However, I could not stay away from this revelation as Rachel Maddow** and the rest of the predictable, snarky lesbian MSNBC hosts (Kayo, C-Matts) bash a racist tea-partier who we later found out was a gay democrat supporter who donated tens of thousands to democrats and fundraised for John "I swear I thought this was Massachusetts water" Kerry. Damn racist homophobic republicans, stop being democrats!

Just one more thing about that whole Glenn Beck rally. Glenn Beck sucks; he doesn't scare me, but the whole religious revival mega church crap he pulled at D.C. does kind of make me feel a little uncomfortable. I'm not anti-religion; if you want to be religious, I'm not going to be a dick about it to you or tell you not to believe in G-d, so long as you're not an asshole to me and try to convert me to the ways of Christ. On the other hand, I could do with less G-d in my politics. Whatever, the Glenn Beck rally is pretty inconsequential to me, it was the liberal reaction that was more telling IMO. From what I read, the rally was positive in it's outlook, so that's good I guess.

H/T Are We Lumberjacks for this hilarious picture. It kind of reminds me of how when I tell people I speak Chinese, they all tell me to say something in it, except in my case I can't make a funny graphic.

 

**I starred up above near Rachel Maddow's name for two reasons:

1. The bad news: she was totally hot before she lezzed out and went all Dykie Dykowicz.
2.  The good news: She can be played by Ralph Macchio in the inevitable biopic.

Of course, that project would have to follow the one he's currently working on, "Wax On, Fuck Off." Enjoy.

Porn in Baghdad, Gays in the GOP... Where Am I?

Last week's post containing the goat and the Japanese Navy was pretty popular. Unfortunately, as commenter MaxedOutMama mentioned, the goat-loving demographic is primarily made up of lower income males in terrorist cells, so there's not much room for blog growth with that subject being the focus, commercially speaking. She suggested I cater more towards the gay community, who oftentimes don't have any children, and thus, have more disposable income with which to invest in my blog. I can't wait to sell out! The New Republic, which was apparently around in 1912, has an article about Obama's failure to the gay community. C'mon, butt pirates, you know GOProud is gaining momentum, soon the right wing will be full of those sequins and feathers you love! For those of you who don't know, a group called GOProud is hosting a conference called Homocon for right wing ass spelunkers and carpet munchers. The headlining celeb? Anne Coulter! Figures they'd have the left wing's most hated tranny as their keynote speaker. So let's keep tabs now, Obama is right of Cheney, Ahnold and Laura Bush on this one. As for me, I don't think the state should be involved in marriage. They should grant civil unions to heterosexual and homosexual couples, and leave the marriage ceremonies and whatnot to the peoples' respective religions. I propose an amendment banning the institution of (state) marriage! If the gays want to watch eachother die, by G-d, let them into that hospital room!

SETI should look for AI rather than "organic" ETI. Article makes a lot of sense to me. Maybe the Mmrnmhrm really are out there... For any nerd old enough or nerdy enough to catch that reference, kudos to you. Spoilers at that link, but I don't think many of you are planning on playing through Star-Control 2 any time soon (though I recommend it!). If you are interested, you can download it for free here.

Last week I was reading some hype on Hotair about the FDA pulling a cancer medication called Avastin. Ed Morrissey was worried (and I believe rightly so) that Avastin lost it's FDA approval due to political/economic issues completely unrelated to the safety/utility of the drug. Having done no research on the drug myself (c'mon, that'd take effort), I kinda shrugged off his post and just assumed he was playing partisan politics. Today, however, I saw this in the dailymail: Anger as cancer drug that saves thousands is remains banned in UK. Before even looking, I knew the article would be about Avastin, as Ed's main point is that when the new healthcare overhaul comes into place, we're going to lose options because the government needs to stay within budgets. Avastin is expensive, and when the gov't is footing the bill, they won't be as generous with your treatments as say, I dunno, you might be, given the option. Sure enough, the UK won't approve the drug because it's too expensive for their nationalized healthcare system to afford. But it'll probably be different here, it's not like our government has massive debt or anything. Ok, snark aside, it'll be different here because our healthcare system is still nothing like the NHS in Britain, so let's not overblow things.

On the subject of debt, Glenn Reynolds posted an excellent chart today that I will post here, but his post is still worth reading (and it's short, don't be lazy).

Admission: I can't vouch for how accurate/factual that is, as I haven't done my due dilligence, but I will admit I was wrong and issue a correction if somebody will correct me. I'll also kneel and kiss the corrector's ring. Yeah Glenn, I'm pretty confident you wouldn't mislead me, don't squander that trust! Maybe we have so much debt now because we spend $578 million dollars on public schools in L.A...

I've been following a funny phenomenon on both Hotair and Instapundit, and I suspect other's follow it elsewhere too. Every month when new data on the economy is released, there seems to be some sort of bad news (unemployment up, real estate down, stocks down). Every time, without fail, the administration and the press (sometimes I can't tell the difference) will have a headline like, "Unemployment unexpectedly rises." I mean, it's really funny, because sometimes they will post the news on Hotair first, and Allah or Ed might write, "I wonder which news outlet say it this time." A few hours later, they'll post an update like, "Reuters: Unemployment Unexpectedly rises." Glenn and the Hotair guys both have made the point that maybe the administration/press should adjust their expectations at some point, because they keep being taken by surprise. This is so routine that I never bother writing about it, but today, Glenn posted a link to every time he's reported on it so you can see the archives going back a year every time some news outlet reported unexpected news. It's impressive to say the least. I searched the Hotair archives myself and they have even more, although some of the posts are unrelated to this phenomenon and just happen to contain that buzzword, "unexpected."

I know I'm late on this one, but still worth posting.

From a NYT editorial: “But many of Mr. DeLay’s actions remain legal only because lawmakers have chosen not to criminalize them.”

Wow, NYT, how perceptive you are. Eating chicken before noon, just like many of Mr. DeLay's actions, only remains legal because those lazybones in congress have chosen not to criminalize them... yet. I hold out hope that one day, nobody will eat chicken, and more importantly nobody will drink soda, before the hour of 12:00PM EST. And the NYT has only been able to legally operate as a newspaper because lawmakers have chosen not to criminalize them. Let's see if I can beat this horse any further... actually, let's not. There's plenty of reason to dislike Tom DeLay, and a wiser columnist might have said, "although Mr. DeLay's actions are legal, his ethics are certainly questionable." See, I'm a wiser columnist, now hire me NYT!

Moving on, NY Congressman Anthony Weiner used to look like Jennifer Grey. He put it up himself on twitter... the resemblence really is uncanny, I swear he looks like he's ready to make out with Charlie Sheen in a police station right about there.

Good thing I don't live in Tanzania: Man Jailed for Selling Albino To Witchdoctor. I guess it would be kind of cool to have a local witchdoctor though, I think they come in handy.

VICTORY IN IRAQ: Porn selling like hotcakes in Baghdad.

Avatard James Cameron is a gutless hypocrite. Sanctimonious, hypocritical, and now gutless. The guy challenges his ideological adversaries to a debate with some strong rhetoric, then changes all the rules (which his adversaries agree to) and then he backs out altogether. I'm surprised his opponents agreed to all his changes, as they got progressively more ridiculous 'til the debate was almost completely staged in a way that he couldn't look like a loser or an asshole. Maybe the confidence in his opponents to debate and win despite his draconian rules scared him? What a turd.

The annoying thing is that I totally agree with him that we should do our best to protect our planet and our resources. Articles like this one worry me a little, while others are so overblown that it has the opposite effect. The upside of a world without helium? No more rodents singing terrible annoying pop music.

Via Are We Lumberjacks, some funny pictures:

That first one had me rolling. Break.com also has a gallery of hot "gingers." I don't discriminate against women (unless they're ugly) based on color, creed, hair color, or really any other factor besides pure looks. Sometimes, if the looks are not there, but the willingness to do funky shit in bed is, I will withhold discrimination for these types of cases. Funky shit in bed can include anything from DVDA to an awesome meal complete with a beer and the TV remote control. Where was I? Oh yes, break calls them gingers, but it'd be more accurate to call them redheads since like, 50% of them are technically daywalkers and 25% of them are dyed.

Fads, Fartleks, and Chicks with Guns

Fads come and go. When my older siblings were in middle school, pacifiers were apparently a cool accessory to have. I remember pogs, lanyards, beanie babies, pokemanz, yo-yos (especially brains and fireballs), and other stupid crap. After reading this article in The Daily Mail, I feel blessed that my fads were so harmless. You'd think an 'internet craze' called 'the choking game' would sound like a bad idea, right? Then again, some of my best friends used to jump off their roof/balcony. Dr. Ago, you know I'm talking about your dumb 7th grade ass... but it did make for some good videos, if only we had youtube back then!

Bush was a divider, Obama is a uniter! All ages, races, colors and creeds come together to rant about the terrible traffic that paralyzed L.A. when Obama came in for a campaign fundraiser. I kinda feel bad for the guy, but some of the stuff from the article is pretty funny. If anything, it's more an indictment of L.A. residents than Obama. I mean, yeah, Obama could have done a better job, but these L.A. folks are calling for investigations, some are outright apologizing for ever having voted for the guy. I guess L.A. isn't known for being particularly fickle or anything... Poor guy just can't catch a break this week month year presidency. I see pictures of him now and he mostly just looks miserable, it's always sad to see a broken man. At least Bush looked like he was having fun while he was out ruining the country.

IBM carved a world map 1000 times smaller than a grain of sand. We can do that, but we can't find Bin Laden? We can carve a microscopic world map, but we can't give me robot legs? I call shenanigans!

When I was still a suckling babe (age 15), my family would get together with another family or two every once in a while, and we would play a game called Balderdash. It's a great game, and I haven't played it recently, but I'm sure it could be augmented by reckless consumption of alcohol. Anyway, the game goes like this: One person picks up a card with a word on it that nobody has ever heard of, and shows it to everybody. Everybody except the person who picked then writes their own "definition" to the word, and the picker writes the real definition (which is written on the back of the card). Then at the end of the turn, the picker collects all the definitions, mixes em up, and reads em aloud. The people then vote for which definition they thought is the real one. A fun example? Fartlek. Definition: A sub-tropical plant, the root of which has found many applications in skin products due to its richness in vitamin e. Ok, see I made that up, because going with a scatological joke would be too easy and thus, lame. The real definition is some running exercise or something, I don't really remember.

Where is this story going, you might ask me. Well, I distinctly remember that it was during a game of Balderdash that I learned the meaning of the word Schadenfreude (most of the adults at the table already knew the meaning, buncha smartasses...). Schadenfreude is simply definied as getting pleasure out of somebody else's pain. A cliche joke to make would be "only the Germans would come up with a word like that." Ok, so that was a long lead-up, but here's the point. Schadenfreude: Seneca Nation Calls on Bloomberg to Resign Over Racially Insensitive Remarks. Oh the delicious, delicious irony... suck on it nanny Bloomberg, suck on it. To be fair, I thought what he said was pretty damn funny, but that won't spare him any sympathy on my part. Hoisted with your own petard, whatever a petard is anyway.

Not all right-leaning people are racists, I've stressed that a bunch, but also, not all racists are right-leaning. Don't forget that some of the original advocates for abortion wanted to use it to stymy black baby-makin'... too bad the blacks fought back with Marvin Gaye and all that other awesome music that gets you in the mood and out of your clothes. Frederick Douglas was a libertarian, apparently. If you don't know who Frederick Douglas is, shame on you. If you don't know who Marvin Gaye is (and you're a woman of at least a 5 on the 1-10 hotness scale), let me introduce him to you sometime ;).

This guy is a complete and total winner. He nabbed it all, billionaire heiress, hot billionaire heiress, and the world's richest unibrow for a father in law. The downside is that he's married to Canadian inlaws... so is the trade-off really worth it?

I quoted an article the other day, the gist of which was that Americans are the most tolerant people in the world, most critical of their own perceived intolerant behavior, and the most lax on the intolerant behavior of the most intolerant people in the world. Jonah Goldberg strikes a similar chord in his post, "America, the Decent." Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT misread that as "descent" because 'Mrrrkah ain't goin' nowhere, and Goonies never say die! Meanwhile, heinous Nancy "The (Bo)Toxic Avenger" Pelosi suggests we investigate those who oppose the mosque. She must not be very familiar with that whole first amendment thing that she's claiming to champion. My dad always told me that the first rule of holes is, "When you're in one, quit digging." So obviously, as logic would dictate, Ms. Avenger would stop digging and get herself out of that hole, right? The Botoxic Avenger doubles down. I can understand where she went wrong; KFC has been doing great with their revolutionary double down, why shouldn't it work for her? Answer: Because when she doubled down, there was a conspicuous lack of bacon and cheese.

Legislators in D.C. scared of a bunch of girls! How are we supposed to go head to head with threatening world players like NoKo and Iran if the beltway is full of pansies afraid of moms holding glocks. Now, to finish my post in the best way possible, I will honor these beautiful gun toting milfs with some nice pictures. Mmmmmm. G-d Bless America!

Damnit, NPH is Taken

Neil Patrick Harris and his lover dude are expecting twins... I'm just sad that he's in a committed relationship because A.) that means I have no shot and B.) it kinda messes up the perception of him that he's been cultivating for 5 seasons of How I Met Your Mother. I heard NPH on the radio the other day doing awareness commercials for some disease. Congrats NPH/Dr. Horrible/Barney, you are the greatest.

Second look at American cars? Chrysler truck comes with built in gun-rack.

What we've all been waiting for: Warning Labels on Newspapers. Warning: This Article Contains Ignorance of History, Hard <Left/Right> Bias, and No Nudy Pics. Truly a brilliant idea.

Clouds Can Communicate, Scientists Say. I guess that puts them a step above Congress. I like the caption under the picture of those clouds at the link. It literally says, "Cumulus clouds swell in a blue sky. What might they be saying to each other?" And they wonder why Comedy Central makes fun of them daily from 10:00-11:00. They're clouds, Fox, maybe they're talking about the weather. The headline talks about scientists, but I think they might just mean a little kid in his dad's shirt (also known in the professional art world as a smock).

My mommy says clouds communicate, and the thunder is what happens when they argue!

Being a gimpy retard in England doesn't sound so bad. Taxpayer dollars used on lapdances and hookers for disabled and elderly. Sometimes, I wish I were disadvantaged so I could reap the benefits of legislation passed by guilt-ridden privileged white people.

I would have paid to be the officer who arrested this "criminal." Italian woman arrested for sensuously applying her sun screen to her naked bosom. On second thought, considering she's Italian, I wouldn't want her in my patrol car seeing as they haven't heard of deodorant over there yet. Someday Europe, you will learn.

No doubt the guido sensation is getting a lot of press now due to Jersey Shore, but the truth of the matter is, those tools have been around (and subsequently marginalized) for almost 20 years now. They were played out when I was in High School, and they're not getting any cooler. Guidos, however, are a non-issue in NY's utter tool heirarchy (unless you make the mistake of going across the G.W. into Jersey, or stepping foot onto that awful island off Manhattan [Long Island or Staten Island, take your pick]). The most irritating NY personality is that which we call the Hipster, found primarily in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I am not here to give you an introduction to Hipsters, so if you are not sure what one is, I suggest you do your own research or look at these pictures. I mention hipsters because of this hilarious girl's video of her "confessions of a hipster." It's so spot on, I can't be sure she's not actually a hipster who is being ultra-ironic by making fun of hipsters, thus making her the hippest. (H/T: Batman)

Good thing I speak the lingo, suckas! I'm prepared... China is going to kick ass in science and research. We'll see how many articles about talking clouds come out of the east.

Forgive me for paraphrasing. Obama: "Hey Turkey, don't be a fuckin' dick." Good job, sir.

Strange Bedfellows: Israel and Saudi Arabia coordinating against Iran? It's like that time Clark Kent teamed up with Kryptonite to defeat Dennis Rodman (admission: I don't read comics).

Here's a quiz made by The Rebel Economist who goes on the street to tell people about a government program, and then asks whether it's real or made up. It's a testament to how shitty our congress is that I wasn't surprised by a single answer. (H/T: Hotair.com)

Only in America (H/T: Instapundit) - "this was a quintessential American wedding. A handsome Marine marries a beautiful Iraqi woman who is led down the aisle by two old Jewish guys." America, fuck yeah!

VDH comments about the same American tolerance shown in the above quote (H/T: Instapundit) - "This is the most tolerant society in the world, the most multiracial and richest in religious diversity — and the most critical of its exceptional tolerance and the most lax in pointing out the intolerance of the least diverse and liberal." It's a really good article, worth reading the whole thing (it's pretty short).

To contrast the above two links, I'll give you this article about angry racist teapartiers specifically targeting hispanics in race-based attacks. Oops, did I say teapartiers? I meant "young black men."

Seeing as the battle for gay rights is drawing to a close, the LGBT lobby groups have to find something to get angry about to stay relevent. LGBT groups criticize drug that has a side-effect of lowering chances the user will be homosexual. I would probably agree with them if a drug was made who's purpose was to make gay people turn heterosexual, but this is a drug created with the purpose of fixing a birth defect (not homosexuality, smartass) in the user's womb. Like I said, they must be just starving for attention if this is the crusade they're going on.

More medical madness: The Whooping Cough is back! It's always been one of my favorite illnesses, and I was formerly sad that it couldn't be listed as a cause of death anymore, but it's back! Thanks Jenny McCarthy, you obtuse hag. Jenny McCarthy has been urging parents not to get their children vaccinated because "it could cause autism." That sounds like one of those unfounded rumors that I make up on a daily basis. From a doctor in the article: "The good news is — we have a large body of information now to show zero association between vaccines and autism." Parents, vaccinate your kids... on second thought, do what you want, I'm homeschooling my vikinglings and they're going to have some really odd beliefs about Owen Wilson's nose.

Somebody call Chris Christie: Teachers Union calls for boycott of the LA Times because the times wants accountability. Ed does a good job with this one, so click the link and I'll leave it to him.

I believe it was Jeff Goldblum aka Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park who said, "nature always finds a way." If a man is meant to ride the roads, taking away his car won't stop him. 4th DUI awarded to drunk man driving lawnmower in the street. So much for 3 strikes you're out. He was driving east in the westbound lane with no lights. Unfortuantely he does not have a mullet, but his mugshot is still pretty good. He looks like a methed up William Forsythe, no?

The Race Card is Maxed Out

Having any doubts about Turkey's relationship with the West? If not, now might be a good time to start. Turkey and Iran are rumored to be helping Hezbollah to obtain weapons. The same Hezbollah that was informed that the U.N. would indict some of their members for the 2005 assassination of Lebanese PM Rafik Hariri. The same Hezbollah that has blamed Israel for the assassination. I didn't write about it when I read a few articles about it a few days ago, but in case you were unaware, the Lebanese military ambushed and murdered a high ranking (Lt. Col.) in the Israeli army. Scary stuff...

The Daily Show, much like Reed the Viking, seems to have noticed that the race card is maxed out. (H/T: Instapundit)

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Race Card Is Maxed Out
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Thought experiment: What would happen if the world stopped spinning? I sincerely hope that Keanu Reeves would play an integral role. (H/T: My bff Dr. Ago)

I'm a big fan of the show Psych, so I'm curious, is this the Australian edition of the show? "The Land Down (six feet) Under". That was my attempt at a clever psych name for the case. It's better than the other ones I was thinking of (The Murder of JonG'day Ramsey, being one example). The sad part? I forgot JonBenet Ramsey's name, so I literally had to google "little girl murder" and when that brought up too many results, I had to add the word famous to it. Guess who's on the FBI's red flag list now!

Example of how NOT to propose to your girlfrend.

Retarded war on drugs in Texas: 20 year old could get life sentence for half an ounce of medical marijuana (from his prescription in Cali) and some hash. The hilarious part is that those assholes appraised the weed at $2,400 ($171 a gram). I haven't been in college since 2008, but even with high inflation, a gram of weed couldn't possibly cost more than 25 bucks these days. Half an ounce? If it's the best weed evah, maybe $300-$400? Texas, you might be cool about guns, but this is ridiculous. It's settled, Texas isn't even in consideration anymore. In light of awesome political campaign ads and ease of getting a gun, I'm moving to Alabama (hopefully my kids will talk like Forrie Gump). In the cops' defense, that kid does look like a filthy hippie.

I've always known women to cheat more on their men than the other way around, and research has found that their flings are more emotionally invested. So why do men get caught more often when the statistics show that women cheat at least as much? Because we're dumb? I don't buy it, I think cheating men subconsciously feel guilty and want their loved ones to find out. Or they're dumb.

Apparently, mentioning BP donations to Obama is a partisan attack... D.C. Reporter suspended for reporting BP donations to Obama. Well, Obama does represent the party of the little guy, not like the rich big-wig fat cat Republicans who are all corporate and the corporations lobby and money and cars rich capitalism bad corporation ruin environment evil haliburton Dick Cheney Hitler. Newsflash: in March 2009, 70% of Wall Street political donations went to Democrats. Note, I do not mean this as a negative thing, I don't thing Wall Street donations are necessarily evil at all. The only reason I mention it is because the Dems like to employ class warfare and rail against the corporations and Wall Street, but they're no less corporate than the Republicans. The rhetoric is all there, but they pull the same shit. The article also mentions that Wall Street would love Chris Christie for Prez. They must read my blog down there.

Ace of Spades has a great post about The "Neutral Story Line" and "Guess That Party." It's long, and it's not news to me, but it's well written and really shows how the media reacts to the same story when it crops up for Democrats as opposed to Republicans. It's a predictable game to those who pay attention, but if you only read the NYT/WaPo and watch CNN, I wouldn't be surprised if it's new to you.

Paul Krugman called Paul Ryan a "fraud that makes no useful contribution to the debate over America's fiscal future." That's some useful contribution Krugman makes to the debate, demagoging (note: I don't know what demagogery really is, but it's fun to say) somebody who actually mapped out a detailed plan to fix our fiscal house. If he hadn't come up with a plan, I'm sure the meme would be, "Republicans are complaining about our financial situation whilst contributing no useful ideas for solving the issue." It's some sort of win-win situation for Republicans, where instead of winning no matter what they do, they lose. Off-Topic: Politicians are like Aliens Vs. Predator... Whoever wins, we lose. I tend to think Republicans are Aliens, because they're obviously sexist with the way they try to ruin Ripley's career. At least Paul Ryan is being honest with the problems we're facing; everybody talks about cuts, but he's actually detailed WHAT to cut. And for this, he's called a fraud. I think Paul Krugman also said that Ryan was abused by his uncle as a child, and thus, is damaged goods. Also, Ryan eats babies. Dems used to be the ones who didn't trust the gov't, who fought the man. Now, with Christie and Ryan kicking ass and sticking it to the man, the true punks are all Republicans. Yeah, Paul Ryan is so punk rawk.

From Are We Lumberjacks, an interesting look on the most energy and space efficient modes of transportation.

One time during my training, I was out at the coffee shop during break and chatting with my friends. I was joking and talking about my "lessons" learned in the Navy. Mainly, that their core values of Honor, Courage, and Commitment were discouraged because you get penalized for being honorable, courageous, and committed. They'll tell you to do the right thing, and then the right thing will totally fuck you over. I was talking about this at the coffee shop and I jokingly said something to the effect of, "The Navy has taught me that when you see something wrong happening, close your eyes, leave, pretend you never saw anything, and never tell anybody." Standing a few feet from me was a little asian woman in civilian clothes who looked pretty pissed and asked if that was really what I thought. I later found out she was a Marine Captain. What does this story have to do with anything? Hero Postmaster who tried to stop armed robbers, getting injured in the process, is being fined thousands of pounds. It's like life is emulating The Incredibles, where doing the right thing gets you punished. I guess it makes guys like me who do the right thing all the more impressive, but one can't help feeling like a chump sometimes.

From Break.com, a gallery of ironic t-shirts in mugshot pictures. It's hit or miss, but some are damn great. Here's one of my favorites, the Break caption being "Not yet, Buddy":

Exit quotes from Kenny Powers' twitter:

"Working on my prostitution memoirs "Eat Pray Bone."

"Losers are just morons who don't have the balls to cheat" That ties into what I was just saying!

Exit question from Alex Baze's twitter:

"Who did the guy running against Hitler compare him to?"

Exit question from Reed the Viking:

"Who the fuck is Alex Baze?"