Reed the Viking

100th Post!

Today marks my 100th post, a very important benchmark for a super serious blogger like myself. I should be getting a book deal soon, right? Somebody pay me damnit! So that's not the only recent bench mark in my life. Last week, and I forgot to mention it on my blog because it was on the weekend, was the 2nd year mark of my navy career. This is important for two reasons:

1.  It's a nice count-down reminder of how much time I have left.
2. Pay raise!!!

You'd think I have something special planned for today's post, but I don't.

If there's one link you click on today, make it this one. VDH wrote an excellent post about the Obama administration's Animal Farm. I don't think it could be put any better than that, and quite frankly, I'm jealous that I didn't write it. Curse you, VDH!!!! CURSE YOU!!!!!!

Some discouraging, perhaps even worrying news from Turkey. How long can they remain a secular democracy? Scary question...

More troubling Turkey news: Big Contributions From Iran.

According to this report, I should be excellent at quick decision making. I don't think I'm good enough, maybe I should play more Counterstrike. Let's see if I can convince the Navy that we should have annual Halo training for 4 weeks.

When you've lost John Stewart... Dems are in deep trouble in November, lucky for them it's not 2012.

How to concede election results with grace. Would that more losers act this way, sportsmanship seems very underrated these days.

Daily dose of Paul Ryan.

Daily dose of Chris Christie.

WaPo hackery: Extending Bush Tax Cuts Would Deprive Government of $4 Trillion. Ed explains the hackery, but the short of it is that keeping the status quo doesn't deprive the government of anything, but raising taxes would increase tax intake by $4 trillion. The way they write it, it's like we owe them that money of ours (well, we do). I pay them quite enough, thanks.

Yesterday I read about a big announcement that would excite Democrats around the nation. This announcement, I read, was to be announced on the 15th of September by Tim Kaine. Allah had some interesting and hilarious hunches about what the announcement might be, and he wasn't far off, but he was ultimately wrong. If you click the link, and follow his link to the new "car metaphor," you are liable to laugh. It was Glenn and his readers, however, who had my favorite reaction to the big news today.

“It’s no fun when they are so easy. How long before that logo shows up with a red cross bar running from 10 to 4?”

If I were worth a damn at photoshop, I'd have been all over that hours ago. Good thing I've got MS Paint! Done and done.

 Artist Behind Everybody Draw Mohammud Day Forced to Change Identity. I have little sympathy for her, especially because she chickened out and apologized after it caught on. The real reason I have no sympathy for her is because I, Reed the motherfucking Viking, created Everybody Draw Mohammud Day first! I created it the day the South Park episode 201 aired. I got no credit because nobody reads my blog, but damnit I thought of it first, I should be the one with the death threats! I'm trying so damn hard here, somebody notice me and threaten to kill me! I thought of wearing an outfit made from meat to try to provoke PETA, but unfortunately I'm a little late on that one... Allah also goes into why he supported EDM Day but not the Quran burning with pretty much the same reasoning that I use. The most important point is found here, which I pretty much 100% agree with:

"As I acknowledged during Koran-apalooza last week, it’s a fine line between Jones’s stunt (which I opposed) and “Everybody Draw Mohammed Day” (which I supported). One of the reasons I look dimly on dopey atheist gags like erecting “Secular Trees” next to Christmas trees on public squares is because the offense to Christians seems gratuitous. Sure, they’re making a point about religion in the process, but they’re doing it in a way that looks like mockery, calculated to annoy. They have the right, but why alienate people with a taunt? That’s what Jones’s stunt seemed like to me — not so much a message to jihadis, even though he tried to frame it that way at times, but something aimed at provoking all Muslims, a group that includes people like Zuhdi Jasser. EDM Day wasn’t aimed at all Muslims, though. Some moderates were bound to take offense, but the point of the day was to push back against the sort of jihadis who’ve now forced Norris into hiding. Intent and intimidation do count here; if Christian fundies were threatening to kill atheists over “Secular Trees,” my calculations would change accordingly. But either way, there simplymust be space for this sort of offense in public debate. I’m open to drawing the line in a slightly different place, but the line has to be drawn somewhere."

Well said, Allah.

Glenn also linked to that story on Instapundit, and his comment goes back to what I was saying yesterday about the victim being blamed for the violent offender's actions.

"Blaming the victim is what people do, when they’re scared and don’t want to do anything about what’s scaring them."

True words right there. 

Hot Mexican Chick in Tight Clothes Gets Cat-Called in Locker Room. Really? This is a news story? There's nothing more dog bites man than this. 2+2 = 4, and smoking hot women in flattering outfits who walk into a locker room are going to get attention for their looks. Normally I'd ignore this retarded "story," but it's about my Jets (who suck, but whatever) so I felt compelled to comment. Lori Ziganto does a good job with this one, so just click the link and read her perspective. This really was just an excuse to post a picture of a hot chick.

 Men can't be men anymore in this country apparently, not even in the NFL. Next thing you know, they'll be sitting next to Tiger being treated for their sex addictions.

Jonah Goldberg revisits some excellent libertarian concepts. I've argued on the blog that a market economy is cooperative and fairer than a "fair" and "planned" economy. The biggest takeaway from this article, for me, was the concepts explored in "I, Pencil." You don't know how to make a pencil, and not even a pencil expert could do it himself nor could he know the immediate needs at every level in the process in a timely manner. I don't care how many Ivy League degrees you have, or how many Nobel Prizes you've won, a centralized body will not be as well equipped to deal with the issues at hand as the people who are actually affected. Not to mention the law of unintended consequences that comes into play every time new legislation passes (did somebody say higher insurance premiums?).

My father wrote about the law of unintended consequences today. Environmentalists know that bikes are better for the environment than cars, so as logic dictates, biking to work should be incentivized, right? Cue the law of unintended consequences: 

"The City took away one traffic lane and two parking spots and now has cars oddly placed in the middle of the street.  During periods of usual traffic, the loss of one lane increases transit time significantly.  Traffic never moves fast in New York (though the recession has helpfully cut the number of cars driving in the City; perhaps the Democrats can use that as evidence for the silver lining of their economic policies?)  Here is the conundrum for the Bloomberg administration, as it increasingly attempts to micromanage the behavior of New Yorkers: although their desire to save the planet and protect the health of New Yorkers is admirable, (it is for our own good, after all) they have neglected to factor in the unintended consequences of their policies.  For example, of the number of people who travel up First Avenue everyday, less than 1% are riding bikes.  If the bike lane causes increased congestion (which it does) then the net benefit on our carbon footprint will go up, rather than down.  Furthermore, the loss of parking spaces on the street means people will have to use parking garages more often (which increases the city's coffers by virtue of their 18.5% tax on their ridiculously high fees) which increases the cost of doing business in New York.  A not insignificant number of tax paying commuters will conclude, as all the costs of living and working in New York increase (again, the cost of food, clothing, and all other necessities goes up when the city makes it more costly to move around), that doing business in New York is just not worth the expense and the inconvenience.  Thus, our Mayor's desire, admirable as it is, to control every aspect of life in the Big City, will lead to a deterioration of life in the Big City. "

He also waxes poetic towards the end of his post, with a funny take on a poem about the Holocaust (Funny? Holocaust? You're sick Reed). Also it's a good post because he linked to me, thanks Dad.

One of my favorite blogs, Are We Lumberjacks, made me piss my pants with this one today.

 

Don't Follow Leaders, Watch Your Parking Meters

Yesterday I gave my input into the Delaware situation and realized I didn't fully explain myself. I do enjoy when shitty careerist politicians with no principles (other than to be elected and bring pork to their district) get ousted by fresh faces. There's nothing I enjoy more, perhaps, than seeing politicians who don't live up to their word and take their voters for granted becoming the latest unemployment statistic. The anti-war crowd is going through this now, as the democrats, who took their votes for granted, continue with every Bush policy, even extending some. These democrats haven't been put through enough, however, as evidenced by their unwillingness to vote for other candidates because they'd rather have a shitty dem than any republican. Same goes for the gay crowd, who have been let down time and time again by dems who take their votes for granted because they feel they have no where else to go, but I digress. The reason I didn't like Christine O'Donnell, the Tea Party backed candidate, as opposed to Mike Castle, the "establishment" republican endorsed candidate, was not because of her principles. She might agree with me on the role and size of government, but that doesn't matter if she's a questionable character. She won the primary, and if she wins the general election, I suppose it's better than the marxist she's running against, but she seems like a shady, crazy woman. Character counts as much as ideology (unless you're a Mass voter who kept Teddy K in office for life despite the fact that he killed a woman in his youth), at least to me, and I'd rather vote for somebody who I don't always agree with but I know is grounded in reality than somebody who I often agree with, but is a loon(Glenn Beck?). And Mike Castle is pretty conservative, especially for a blue state like Delaware. But it's all moot now, O'Donnell won, and I'd prefer her to the marxist, as I said earlier.

Bats, like humans, have regional accents when they communicate. I wonder if the ones from the South sound stupid...

You'll notice it's never the pretty ones that pull stunts like this. I don't generally believe it should be a crime for women to go galavanting in the buff, but in this case, please, somebody lock her up. 

For all the pot smokers who rejoiced at Obama's announcement to stop federal raids on Marijuana, I've got some bad news for you... Wasn't I just saying something about broken promises? Don't follow leaders, watch your parking meters.

The Daily Beast agrees with me that broken promises and empty rhetoric will not work for the GOP anymore. Do not take your voters for granted, reps. If you talk big on eliminating debt and cutting government spending, and you wanna ride the Tea Party wave in to Washington, by G-d you better walk the walk. That's why I love Chris Christie, who walks the walk. 

Or Mitch Daniels, who walked the walk and is still walking the walk. Politico thinks he's gearing up to make moves on the White House. Daniels/Christie '12 would be my dream ticket, and in that order too. A Daniels dark horse run would make a lot of people happy, I think.

And just yesterday, I mentioned what incredible, ground breaking, terrifying phenomenon took place after a Tennessee park relaxed gun laws. Today, as if on cue, I stumbled upon this blog post: Violent Crime Continues to Plummet as Gun Ownership Skyrockets. But don't fall into the trap that correlation implies causation... There could be other factors at work as well, I just so happen to believe that an armed society is a polite society.

Harry Reid, environment hypocrite? Say it ain't so! I never could have anticipated that... add him to the list with Al Gore, Leo DiCap, and virtually any other high profile "environmentalist." As Glenn remarked, "if you're astonished, you haven't been paying attention."

This quote of the day should go hand in hand with the Lawyer who cleans toilet post. It could also go with my discussion with Batman about jobs in D.C..

This is both bad and unsurprising: More Innocent People Admit to Crimes They Never Committed Than You Think. Psychologists have been able to plant memories in peoples minds of things that they never did, why should the police convincing the accused of crimes they never committed be much different? People react in different ways under pressure, and people who are easily influenced might not have the self-confidence to stand up for their version of the truth.

Holy shit: A British Woman With Straight Teeth! Ok, so there's an actual article in there, but that was my main takeaway.

I talked a little bit about the NYT bias with it's hit piece on House Minority Leader John Boehner (R - Ohio). I then realized that I have no idea how to pronounce his name, but I like to call him John Boner because it's funny. Then I wanted to actually know how it was pronounced and came across a Slate article giving the uninformed the correct pronounciation. I find it hilarious that the article needed to be written, most likely because people kept calling him Boner. He should hang out with Michael DuCOCKis and DICK Cheney. Real high-brow stuff here at Reed the Viking.

Tea Party to reach out to Jews... Hire me! I think I'd be an effective messenger, although I despise identity politics and wouldn't pander unless you paid me really well ;). But outreach and identity politics are two separate things, I think?

Resurgent anti-semitism on American campuses. It's kinda old news, but the commentary is new (to me). For those looking for an answer to the question, "Are jews a religion or a people?" I would say that we are both. But while I am not religious, I am most certainly Jewish, both culturally and genetically. While my great grandparents may have been born in Eastern-Europe, they were not ethnically similar to the people in their host countries (and thus, were massacred or forced to leave i.e. pogroms). Jews, and Ashkenazi Jews (Eastern European) at the very least, are an ethnic group, with specific traits and genetic phenomena such as Crohn's disease or being ultra smart, good with money, and incredibly attractive. I look Jewish, but you can't look Christian. We are a people.

I'm Jew...ish, but I speak Chinese, so naturally I got a kick out of this article about Jews in Shanghai. A bunch of Jews went to China during the early days of World War II, but Jews were actually in China far earlier, some evidence suggests. The city of Kaifeng, along the banks of the Yellow River in the Henan province, has had a Jewish population since the Northern Song Dynasty (around the tenth century AD). Back then, Kaifeng was the capital of the Northern Song. Chinese Joooooz, LOLZ!

"The momentum to repeal Obamacare picked up a little momentum in an unlikely place: the White House." - Ed Morrissey. I thought that was pretty funny, and the rest of his commentary is just as good. The problem that the White House is seeking to solve is not a new, unforeseen problem (well, not if you were opposed to the legislation at least). But as Ed says, this is what happens when you pass legislation to find out what's in it. 2,000+ pages, 48 hours to read it all... is anybody surprised by this?

This blogger feels exactly the way I do about Sarah Palin, so it's worth noting.

"I am not a big Palin fan. I am an atheist and not a social conservative in any meaningful sense. In my estimation, her chief virtue is that she annoys and enrages all the right people."

Exactly.

Supreme Court Justice claims Quran burning may not be protected by the first amendment... WHAT?! My first reaction to the Quran burning story was that, like the Mosque by Ground Zero, it was well within their rights to do, but they're still big assholes for doing it. Allah and Ed's reactions, respectively. This reminds me of when the kids who wore an American flag on Cinco De Mayo were sent home from school because their shirts might incite violence. You're punishing the victim for his actions, effectively saying he deserves what's coming to him. That's not how our country is supposed to work. Violent offenders should be prosecuted, and I shouldn't have to tailor my speech to conform to whatever that fucking nutjob thinks is kosher talk. If I started a group of looneys who started shooting up elementary schools whenever Samuel L. Jackson says "Hold on to your butts" in Jurassic Park, would they ban that movie? Ok, bad example. If We started firebombing hospitals every time Bill Maher aired a new episode of his stupid show, would they cancel his show, or try to bring the criminals to justice. I would hope the latter, but in light of this SUPREME COURT JUSTICE'S comments, I'm not altogether confident... actually, I just thought of a great way to get that smug asshole off the air! G-d forbid they ever ban Jurassic Park though.

 

Interesting article by James Taranto about why "Islamophobia" seems to be more prevalent under Obama than it ever was under Boooooooooosh. Bush had peoples' trust and confidence that he was playing for America, because you can't really question that the right-leaning side of this nation loves the shit out of 'Mrrrkah (Fuck yeah!). Anti-American sentiment seems, unfortunately, to be almost exclusively on the left side of the political divide. Well, I should broaden that to Anti-Western sentiment, to include Israel. I do not claim that all left leaning people do not like America, and I think the Obama is legitimately taking actions that he truly believes will benefit our nation. But I do not think that Obama or the left as a whole stand as firmly for 'Mrrrkin interests and the ideals we stand for, such as freedom and democracy (his outreach to Iran and conspicuous silence during their protest movement, his siding with Latin American dictators in a rather simple Honduran political crisis, reluctance to criticize our enemies and eagerness to heap blame on our allies). Is it hard to see why people are skeptical of the left's professed love for America when a lefty Supreme Court Justice think it's OK to burn the American Flag (and it is and should be, legally speaking), but not OK to burn the Quran.

Here's something to brighten everybody's mood... HIPSTER BASHING! Hilarious video, I particularly like the line about electro pop meeting southern hip-hop, which could be talking about Major Lazer, a hipster favorite (sorry Guiseppe, I know you love them). If you argue that Jamaican hip-hop doesn't count as southern hip-hop, check a map, dick.

The final takeaway: I learned that Britain has hipsters too... it's an epidemic, like zombies. And like zombies, I'm pretty sure a shotgun blast to the face would take care of the problem.

Exit question: Was this created by somebody making fun of hipsters, or was it created by a hipster who was ironically taking jabs at his own people, and thus, he could become the hippest hipster. I report, you decide.

Your Post Title Here

Do as I say, not as I do: Taxes are for the little people. Well considering the Secretary of the Treasury owed tens of thousands to the IRS, is anybody surprised by reports like this?  Glenn says, "It's easy to see why these people don't mind higher taxes. They don't plan on paying 'em anyway..."

If you ever wondered why I refer to Glenn Reynolds (of Instapundit) as the Instaprophet, it's because his predictions are pretty much always correct. Here's what he said right around 9/11/01. 

In Delaware, there's a bitter primary battle for the Republican nomination for Senate between Mike Castle and Chrisitne O'Donnell. Many conservatives take issue with Castle for being too moderate. My older brother and I were talking this morning, and he said (I'm paraphrasing), "I'm kinda pissed off at some of the conservative bloggers about Delaware." Before he could explain, I said, "I know, I really don't like this O'Donnell character. She reminds me of Michelle Bachmann, but even crazier." Then I worried that I had offended him, and he supported her. It turns out that we agreed that she seemed crazy and was definitely bad for the broad group of people opposed to the Democrats' agenda. When the Tea Partiers backed Joe Miller in Alaska against incumbent Lisa Murkowski, I thought that was a good thing because she was of the political class that was more concerned with being elected than anything else (she's still trying to get on the ballot somehow). When the Utah tea partiers knocked out an incumbent who they viewed as too liberal, I thought, "representatives who do not represent their constituents should be voted out." In Delaware, not only does O'Donnell have a snowballs chance in hell of winning, she's also batshit crazy. Oh, and Mike Castle isn't even that liberal. Basically, I'm in the Paul Ryan, Chris Christie, Mitch Daniels camp. Those guys are my guys. If the Republicans line up behind the Palin/Bachmann/O'Donnell types, they can count on my vote going elsewhere. And if the Tea Party types fuck up their current trajectory and get hi-jacked by social cons, and lose a lot of their libertarian impulses, they can count me out.

This discussion provides a natural segue into this article about Christie and Ryan. These two guys are sticking it to the man. When I was young and I thought of the hippies and the 60's, I thought of them as fighting the power and sticking it to the man. When I thought about punk rock and rap music, I thought it was about sticking it to the man. Despite working for the man, part of what my blog does is my way of sticking it to the man. How the left-wing managed to convince people that they are the ones that stick it to the man is beyond me. A cursory run-down of conservative ideals in terms of the scope of government: smaller government and lower taxes. Plenty of conservatives haven't lived up to the ideal, Dubya being a prime example, but that's why nobody liked him. A quick run-down of the liberal flipside: I'm not sure there are specific ideals in modern liberalism; rather, they support a bunch of policies and concrete positions based on emotion, not principle. If they were principled and those principles ran counter to conservative principles, then in theory, they would support bigger government and higher taxes. So who are the real punks, the conservatives or the liberals?

My friend Batman went to school down in D.C. as a journalism major, and she remarkably found a job there doing journalism. I caught up with her yesterday for the first time in a long time, and when I said I was impressed and excited that she found a job there, she said it she knows how lucky she is, but since she's in D.C., all her friends have jobs because that's where all the jobs are. I said that's a telling sign for the times, that all the jobs are in D.C. while everybody else is unemployed. She also told me that she was jealous of her friends that work for the gov't because they get paid well and have great benefits. This is bad. People should be encouraged to work in the private sector, because the private sector creates wealth for our nation. Public jobs cannot create wealth, all they can do is use up the wealth created by the private sector. Public service should be just that: service. It's a bad day when people who could be out creating wealth are more incentivized to join the lucrative business of government work.

Newest Democrat campaign strategy: Vote for Justin Beiber. G-d, I wish I were kidding, but seriously, watch the video. Nevermind that he's Canadian and therefore can't vote in American elections and just watch.

I know they don't explicitly mention to vote for Democrats, but the organization behind the ad (Campus Progress) is a democratic outfit, so it's implied. It's one of George Soros' little babies.

California Newspapers lining up against marijuana legalization (despite the fact that 90% of their employees have smoked the stuff). Legalize it, tax it, and maybe sell flavored, pre-rolled blunts to attract the children. Maybe give 'em a little toy with each pack, like a happy meal.

No shit: DoJ report on rates of college rape are grossly inaccurate. As the Daily Caller notes, the reported percentage of people raped at college, according to those statistics, would be ten times higher than Detroit. I remember in high school and college, the definition of rape that they taught us was so broad that if you were to sleep with somebody, and regret it later, you were raped. Nobody likes to take responsibility for their own decisions/behavior, good thing they can just put the blame on external forces and call it a day. It kind of reminds me of when our health class told us 10% of people on earth are homosexual, which of course I didn't buy either.

Ouch: Laid-off Lawyer formerly making 160k a year now cleaning toilets. I've got it way too good. Right now, I'm currently waiting for a training course to start, so in the interim period they have me doing odd-jobs where they need me. Occasionally I get to drive a government vehicle. I'm the most overpaid, overeducated, and overqualified bus driver evah. If only the hippies knew that the Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan is being played in a military vehicle...

While I came out firmly against Quran burning (and honestly, who wouldn't?), I can't help but be a little amused by this Australian Professor who compared smoking a joint rolled out of Bible paper and a joint rolled out of Quran paper. The professor was, unfortunately for his sake, completely correct when he stated that he is screwed and will lose his job over it. Well, he does represent the school, and when you represent an institution greater than yourself, you have to play by their rules; thus, I cannot wear a t-shirt that says, "Fuck fuck shit heroin cocaine fuck shit doody Sean Penn." Had to give it to goodwill :(.

Anybody surprised by this logical step: HHS Secretary Sebelius, "Insurers who criticize healthcare will be locked out of our system." Hmm, like nobody (excluding the left) saw that one coming. Ed also adds this bit in another post:

"Yes, this is thuggery, but in a free-market system, it would be an empty threat.  This is precisely the reason why government should not run private-sector industries — the management of these systems becomes political rather than fiduciary or achievement based.  And it’s started already."

Nothing any principled conservative couldn't have warned you about.

Here is one of the best examples of media bias at the NYT, along with some historical examples included towards the bottom of the post. The White House was tweeting the NYT article on their twitter page, if those two love eachother so much they should just get married or something. I know that was lame, Reed, but people hear about NYT media bias all the time and kind of shrug it off ("Well, all newspapers are biased somehow."). This is just plain dishonest, politically motivated, and looks at best like hackery, and at worst like coordination. Is the NYT on the White House payroll? Not yet, but when that newspaper bailout inevitably comes...

First living man since Vietnam to receive the Medal of Honor (military's highest honor) speaks. It's hard to comprehend just how insane being awarded that medal is, but let's just say singlehandedly taking out a base of terrizts, a la Arnold in Commando, might award you a bronze star (the 4th highest). Do all that after getting shot in the face plus saving some friends, that's the Medal of Honor.

When looking at the effectiveness of policy, you have to see if the goal is being accomplished. For example, gun control policy was created to stem violent crime. However, if you look at places with the highest crime, oftentimes they have the strictest gun control measures (Chicago and D.C. come to mind). I believe that owning a gun doesn't turn a law-abiding citizen into a bloodthirsty murderer and criminals will get guns illegally because they're criminals and break the law. The only people with guns, in a gun controlled society, are gangsters and the government, leaving the people defenseless. But regardless of what you believe, reality is hard to argue with, when presented with it. Here's a story about the relaxation of gun control laws in Tennessee and exactly what resulted from it (nothing).

Take that same argument and extend it elsewhere. What is the goal of the war on drugs? Lower drug use and a prohibition on drugs in America, presumably. Is it working? Hell no.

How about we take it to affirmative action. What is the goal? Help bridge the achievement gap between minorities and whites. Is it working? Not really.

Here's a picture I took at the Chinese restaurant near my house that was not very good at all. Silly Chinese... and for that, I have named my post.

 

Politicians Gone Wild

It's more exciting than Girls Gone Wild... well, probably not, but it's at least as entertaining... Politicians Gone Wild will be interspersed throughout the post. Some will speak the truth, some will yell the truth, and others will make themselves look like assholes on what they probably took for granted as an easy interview on friendly turf with the Daily Show. Read on to find out!

Hopefully this Boston man doesn't get charged for defending himself with the use of deadly force. Imagine, you're getting robbed and shot a few times, kill your assailants, and you're recovering in the hospital when you get a court summons. Shittiest week evah.

Sometimes, on the very rarest of occasions, a politician will come out and tell the truth. Rep Tom Perriello (D - VA): "The only way to get congress to balance the budget is to give them no choice, and the only way to keep them out of the cookie jar is to give them no choice... if you don't tie our hands, we will keep stealing." I'd be shocked if it wasn't something everybody already knows.

I've got to get my hands on this: Child Molester's Bible - Police say manual on 'how to molest children' is legal. Yeah, it's just frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane. Included are important tidbits on how to convince the kids not to tell their parents, what type of kids to go after and so on. Good summer leisure reading.

Florida College Shuts Down Conservative Group After Seeing Anti-Obama Literature. This sort of thing is not as uncommon as you'd think at an institution that's supposedly a place for the free exchange of ideas. FIRE has been on top of all sorts of free speech type cases at schools around the country; if you are experiencing discrimination or the rejection of your first amendment rights, these guys are your advocates.

Viking Blogger Knows Where He Wants to Work When He Gets Out of the Navy: Tucker Carlson's News Organization, the Daily Caller, has installed a kegerator in his office. He doesn't drink, but he wants his employees to enjoy their work. Where can I sign up? Right now if I drink at work, I go to jail and make big rocks into little rocks, and at night time I get to play hide the salami with Big Earl.

Stores lie about their pants size to make you feel better. That's annoying, considering about 85% of the clothing I get is in gift form at the holiday/birthday time. Way to make things difficult, dickheads. Then again, I don't shop at Old Navy 'cause I'm too baller, if I'm not wearing custom tailored Italian designer suits, it's cause I'm geared up Viking style with my rape suit* on.

*My rape suit is a pair of sweatpants...

Alternate Headline: Some of us in deep, deep denial. I always wondered if ugly people know that they're ugly... thankfully, it's not a problem I have to worry about.

I'm sorry you feel this way about us, Mr. Chinese UN Diplomat. Until these old school communists are out of office and the military, I don't have much hope for good Sino-American relations. On the flip side, I have a lot of hope (fuck, the h-word... Obama really ruined that one), er, I have a good feeling about the future of China and their leaders of tomorrow. I truly believe they're headed in the right direction (but are we?).

Proven: Flamboyant Dance Moves Attract Female Mates. And yes, I'm talking about humans. How do you think I get so many girls? I let my hips swing and my arms flail like a Donkey Kong. One day I'll post a video for you all to see ;).

Legendary author of science fiction, Arthur C. Clarke, correctly predicts the future over 50 years ago. Awesome video, the man was wise beyond his years.

John Stewart to Tim Kaine: "You're the underdog in what universe?" Awesome interview on the Daily Show with John Stewart and Virginia Governor Tim Kaine (D). Stewart, an admitted lefty, tears Kaine up, and even visibly gags and rolls his eyes when his own crowd eats up the bullshit Kaine lays out. Note, later in the interview, that Kaine somewhat subtly gives Stewart the finger. I might disagree with John Stewart most of the time, and I think he's often very dishonest when it comes to reporting the other side, but he's a funny guy usually, a good entertainer, and proven that he's not such a lightweight. This ain't like getting interviewed by Olby, Kaine.

Steven Colbert had Vice President Biden on last night in another great tribute to the troops episode. Steven Colbert has a history of being awesome for the troops, and Biden keeps it classy as well. Though I disagree with pretty much everything Biden says from a political standpoint, I have always liked the guy (search my blog archives, you'll find it to be true). He's a funny character, and sometimes he's a bit of an asshole, which I find hilarious, although people without a sense of humor might take issue with him. Also, in the video he refers to his homestate as "Dover." 

Omri Casspi (first Israeli in the NBA) experiences his first brush with anti-semitism in this country. I thought California was one of those progressive states... Happy New Year, Omri, and good luck next year. (H/T: BFF Guiseppe Fratelli)

Researchers translate thought to speech, could have implications for those "locked-in" patients. I love the future.

Time to weigh in on the whole Quran burning Church thing... that church is led by a serious asshole. There is nothing constructive that could possibly come out of burning the Muslim holy book, and it will only alienate the moderate Muslims out there. It's not comparable to the Ground Zero Mosque because at least, in theory, that Mosque is about bridging cultural divide, despite it's shady anti-American imam. Even though I don't buy the bridging cultural divide bullshit, building a mosque at Ground Zero is not inherently hateful. The book burning is inherently hateful and it comes from a hateful man who also launched a "no homo mayor" campaign. Some officials, including Obama, Petraeus and Gates, have urged him not to burn the books because it'll put our troops in harms way. I would urge him not to burn the books because it's indecent and detestable. I think the troops argument is stupid, because if we were going to censor ourselves from every action that might upset the extremist Islamic militants, we'd be going down a slippery slope (canceling South Park, maybe? Censoring newspapers from reporting on the war?). I mean, what DOESN'T piss off the Islamic militants? I know short skirts do, and by G-d if they took those, I'd revolt. So don't burn the books, not because it'll hurt the troops (that'd be cowing to the bully, appeasing the tyrants), but because it's just plain wrong and goes against the freedom to practice religion that this country was built upon. That's my word.

The Orlando Sentinel has, from what I've seen so far, the best take on the story. I disagree with the implication that this is totally the media's fault, but agree that without the media taking notice of this story, nobody would give a damn and troops' lives wouldn't be in danger. This Reverend is a media whore, a Christianist Paris Hilton or Tila Tequila. Don't reward him for his bad behavior by giving him press. Some highlights in the link are the Sentinel calling him a hick and likening him to Hulk Hogan. Last I read, the Reverend has indefinitely postponed the Quran burning, presumably due to pressure from the feds?

The Imam in charge of the Ground Zero Mosque wrote an op-ed in the times which I can't read since I don't pay for it. Allah has a good post on it here. The most important line, in my opinion, is from Allah's reaction, which sums up exactly how I think about the sanctimonious lefties patting themselves on the back for their moral superiority.

"Rauf is willing to make a concession to the feelings of opponents, at least in theory, in the name of “dialogue”; that’s more than you can say for the lefty commentariat who’ve treated this episode, as always, mainly as an exercise in self-congratulation for their moral supremacy."

This whole debacle is just ugly, and I really hope I don't have to write any more about it. It makes me pretty sick, how disgusting the atmosphere has become surrounding this "debate." 

At the link is a video of exactly why I love Chris Christie. This video, as Allah says, is not quite as good as the last one where he figuratively cockslapped a union shill at a townhall meeting, but it's still pretty damn awesome. This guy talks real talk. He says exactly what he means, and he does exactly what he says he's going to do, and he'll explain it with not-so-nice words if he needs to. This guy is the definition of "keepin it real." Unlike so many pols that just spew platitudes (which of course, is a platypus with an attitude), this guy speaks English. I've never seen a politician communicate better than this guy.

Remember when I just said, "I've never seen a politician communicate better than thus guy?" I take it back. With a BA in Communications just to prove how great a communicator he is, Phil Davison is filmed here, giving a speech to be nominated for Stark County Treasurer. (H/T: Allahpundit)

I literally laughed through the entire speech. His voice cracking, forgetting his speech, and his pacing around the room have me rolling. I wonder if that's his actual speaking voice. He sounds like Joe from Family Guy when he's yelling (played by Patrick Warburton). If there is one video you watch today, make it this one, you will not regret it. Also, I just realized, I have a friend from college who we used to call Chris Phil Davison... maybe they're related? 

Peterson/Davison 2012.

P.S. - Davison did not get the nomination, sadly.

Technology: Past, Present and Future

The future of relationships: GPS Dating? I can't wait 'til the first murder case from that idea hits the press.

The Irony of Jesse Jackson's SUV. 

If I had known the police force was this much fun, I would've looked into becoming a cop! That guy has a pretty terrible mustache though, and from that you can see that it's clear he could never cut it as an officer of the law. Seems like the other cops that arrested them watched it for a while, considering they reported seeing THREE different sexual acts followed by a threesome of... fondling.

Hey look, a midget! The shortest one in the world, at that.

Prof. William Jacobson gives us a look at the world's most... unexpected Toyota Pious. Seriously, I thought Prius' came from the factory with the Kerry/Edwards '04 and Obama/Biden '08 stickers attached... this car is some anomaly.

The other day when that Discovery hostage situation went down, I wrote about the different reactions from left and right. Glenn Reynolds wrote an article in the Washington Examiner which I believe to be written as satire on who is responsible for the hostage situation. I'm not 100% sure it's satire, as Glenn said he wasn't going to tell and "spoil the fun" but my first thought was, "this doesn't sound like Glenn, I can't believe he's really writing this," and then my second thought was, "oh, he got me, it's satire." When Patterico responded similarly to myself, Glenn took notice and put a poll on his site asking his readers what they thought (is it satire? serious? joking on the square?). Readers opinions were pretty split; I had to look up "joking on the square" to know what it meant, but it's basically when you're joking, but what you're saying is also kinda true. I hope it's satire, because that's exactly the type of article a lefty would write in response to violence from a right-wing nutjob.

Jammie Wearing Fool rips Code Pink (not like it's hard, but still) and reminds us all that many involved in the anti-war movement between 2000-2008 were simply playing partisan politics for the democrats they support. They flat out say it. At least Cindy Sheehan has beliefs and principles, nutty as they may be.

Unbelievable: The Palestinians are to the right of the Obama Administration on the matter of Iran. If only our president had the stones to use that kind of language against a regime which is undeniably our enemy. The same Iran that allegedly is paying an 1000 dollar bounty on American soldiers' lives. The same Iran that is alleged to have orchestrated the Hamas attacks on Israeli settlers to derail peace talks.

Looks like the Obama administration did as thorough a check of it's new carpet as the media did of Obama during the campaign. Talk about tone deaf, this is 2 years after the first time somebody corrected the same mistake. Even the WaPo couldn't ignore this one.

God responds to Stephen Hawking.

A certain Viking named Reed wishes he was born 800,000 years ago. The food was good and the women were sexy, and most importantly, clothing was optional ;). If only they had the medical technology of the Nubians, they'd be the perfect society. 2010 AD: Medical Marijuana. 250 AD: Medical Beer. Seems like they were way ahead of the times.

While on the topic of ancient technology that was way before it's time, here's a picture of an ancient virus protection device.

 

The Washington Examiner asks, "Why is the White House so obsessed with sex?" Maybe they'd have a clue if they weren't a bunch of virgins over there... Oh, wait, they mean "With unemployment at 9.6%, why is the White House obsessed with gender." Good question that we all know the answer to.

End the war on drugs.

End the war on drugs. Yes, this is a different link.

Jonah Goldberg has a great roundup of links (including the one I linked to about 800,000 year old society). A lot of good stuff in there, but too many for me to link 'em all when he's got it all neatly arranged for you there.

Some Navy news from the entertainment industry. "The one thing the Navy can never afford to ever do is allow that battle to be screwed up in any way by Hollywood." Don't let Hollywood film it then.

Here's a cool look at what screen technology might look like in 2014. I love the future.

Rutger Hauer Even Cooler Than Previously Imagined

Ok so I've got some new developments for the blog I'd like to say some words about. First and foremost, I have added my twitter feed to the right side of the blog, feel free to subscribe to me on twitter for blog updates and any other one-liners I might have. Second, I have created a facebook "page" for Reed the Viking; I'm trying to add a "Like" button to the blog itself, but I'm technologically retarded I guess, so it's not here yet. For now, you can just click this link to get to the official facebook page. As with twitter, I will post all blog updates to that page. I figure, it's the 21st century, so I have to have all these official social media set up so I can be a real person. I urge you to follow me both on facebook and on twitter, because it will bolster my ego (at least I'm honest, right?).

**UPDATE** I have figured out how to add the "Like" button to my blog, and it's now at the right side of the blog underneath the twitter feed. Be sure to "like" me, or else I'll cry.

Speaking of facebook, Tosh.0 brings us the "Facebook Status of the Week" which really shows how important punctuation is (H/T: Young Goobz)

Stephen Colbert often proves how multi-cultural he is by repeatedly referring to his "black friend Alan." Well, I too, have a black friend Alan, and thanks to him I can present you with this gem of a trailer (very not suitable for the faint of heart, children under 4 years old). I give you, Hobo With a Shotgun!

As if the title didn't suggest it would be the best movie ever, they decided to cast Rutger Hauer in the title role to make sure it would be the best movie ever.  I've been a fan of Rutger Hauer since the first time I saw Ladyhawke as a young viking, and that love only grew when I saw his performance in the classic, Blade Runner. Appearing in Batman Begins was just the icing on the awesome Dutch cake. Rutger was born for this role, and I can't wait for the movie to come out. Some background info about the project at the link above.

2.5 Million British Men Are Too Fat to See Their Penis'. Part of me REALLY wants to comment, but I know the stats would be far worse for their American counterparts so I'm going to sit silent on this one. Hell, there's probably more than 2.5 million guys too fat to see their dicks in the gulf states alone. Maybe it's all the oil in their diet, HEYO! Too soon?

Japan has been replaced by Iraq as the country with the most cruel and ridiculous prank show. New Iraqi Prank Show: Plant Fake Bombs in Cars at Security Checkpoints. It's all fun and games until somebody blows a car up...

Via Hotair, Headline of the Day: Butts Arrested in Boob Murder Case.

Unlike VDH, who I greatly respect, I do not miss Boooooooosh. Still, the comparisons are on point, and although I never bought the narrative about Obama (well, I admit I really liked him when I saw him in 2004 and didn't really know much about him; likewise, I was impressed with Palin until I started actually getting to know her), for those who do buy into the narrative Obama and the administration try to establish, this post might be illuminating. 

Change: Street Gangs Holding News Conferences to Complain About Law Enforcement. Could you imagine Vito Corleone holding a news conference... I guess the gangs are just begging for some relevancy. It's hard to conduct crime when you've got to deal with a Hobo With a Shotgun.

NRO's Rich Lowry writes about the Revolt of the Bourgeois. He notes some interesting things, particularly how polite the Tea Party protests are in contrast to the wild, sometimes violent protests of the 60's. He even makes the claim that after the Beck rally, the Lincoln memorial was spotless because everybody cleaned up their trash. He boasts that there were no "orgiastic displays" at the Beck rally... and they wonder why the democrats clean up with the youngsters. Hint: we like orgiastic displays (as long as it's two or more women between the ages of 14-17 that are at least a 5 on the hotness scale). Liberal commentators make the Tea Party sound like an insidious, theocrat plot while conservative  commentators make the Tea Party sound like a boring bunch of respectful people sitting around listening to speeches. So while I stand for maybe 75% of the same principals that the Tea Party stands for, I still don't think I could ever go to their events. On the other hand, I'd go to a liberal event (see: Taping of the Daily Show). Guess who lost the culture war?

My newest Cause Du Jour (that's European for "Cause of the Day"), inspired by... Jimmy Carter?: Legalize Moonshine! I'm a big fan of the phrase "legalize it," whether it is referring to pot, prostitution, organ sale, non race-based slavery, revenge murder, or jay walking. Now I have a new one to add to the list, thanks to the guys at Reason and Hotair for bringing it to my attention.

Just because the Republican Party has been having tons of minorities run for office does not necessarily mean that they are more open minded; identity politics have been working for the Democrats since the 60's and the Republicans have seen how it works. On the other hand, the fact that Republican and Tea Party voters are willing to vote for minorities of every color does lead me to believe that they legitimately do not care about race and are willing to vote for anybody with the same principals as they have. That is one reason the racist charge doesn't make sense to anybody who actually pays attention (another reason is the dearth of evidence in favor of the racism charge). Just off the top of my head I can think of a bunch of Tea Party favorites who are minorities: Marco Rubio (Cuban), Nikki Haley (Indian), Lt. Col. (Retired) Allen West (Black). I personally find them too socially conservative for my liking, and I personally like Chris Christie, Mitch Daniels and Paul Ryan best out of anybody in the political arena right now.

Now I can add this Cambodian immigrant, Sam Meas, who has a remarkable and horrifying history, to the list of 'unconventional' Republican candidates. Again, he sounds a little bit crazy to me, especially with his Paulian "audit the fed" bit and his near comparisons of Obama to the Khmer Rouge, but I bring your attention to him not to promote him or his politics, but to further put to rest the obsolete narrative that claims Republicans are the party of the rich, elitist, yacht club white man. The list of the 50 richest congressmen just came out, and 27 were Democrat and 23 were Republican. What this doesn't mean is that Democrats are the party of the rich. What this DOES mean is that BOTH parties are, and that having money, just like arrogance, racism, and corporate bedding are not solely the domain of one political party. Neither is corruption, as the Republicans were tainted during the Bush years, a bunch of high ranking democrats have had ethics charges leveled against them. 

News you can use: How To Make Mormon Porn (mostly safe for work), complete with some examples. It's surprisingly sexier than I expected, believe it or not.

Also from Izismile, some funny pictures to close out this work week.

Hey look, Math!

Note the flavors.

Have a good weekend!

I'll Take Her, A Rare Ribeye, and a Nice Glass of Jew's Ear Juice

I didn't post yesterday, so I've got lots of great news to write about today!

I always had a little bit of an issue with the current Iranian regime, particularly due to their feelings towards the jooooz. But then, lots of people hate the jooooz, so there was no reason to get fired up about it... that is, until now. Iranian Newspaper: "Carla Bruni is a Whore Who Should Be Killed." Sick fucks, you leave my Carla alone! This is not the way to win hearts and minds in the international community, which everybody knows is what Iran has been trying to do with the election of Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket.

Ok, seriously Iran? Now I'm REALLY angry! Cheerleaders Forced to Cover Up During US-Iran Basketball Game. I'm really actually angry at 'Mrrrka for agreeing to that bullshit. I want my cheerleaders half-nude, dumb as a rock, and busty as hell.

I'm not the only guy (hardly) who likes a large bust. From Glenn, Quote of the Day: "I want it just like her but with bigger boobs." Classic stuff right there. Anybody who's spent 15 minutes in conversation with me knows that I can't wait for lifelike sex-dolls. I want them to be completely customizable so when I'm in the mood to free willie, I can pack on her pounds, or when I'm trying to get my King Kong on, I can get me a jungle girl. For all other times, Salma Hayek in Desperado will do just fine.

Maybe I could do without the sexbots if I sign up for this dating site. 64% of Young Woman on Dating Site Would Make Sex Tape to Get Ahead. 45% said they'd bone their teacher for better grades, which makes me think I went into the wrong field. Where can I find these girls!?

So far I've talked about a lot of TnA (that's Tits 'n Ass for all readers over 50 [Mom, Dad]), but aside from a nice juicy woman, I also appreciate other kinds of meat, namely, the red kind. In fact, if a woman's face was replaced with a steak (ok, you can keep her mouth there, but everything else is ribeye!) I'd be much more inclined to pay her some attention up there. But I digress; red meat is the best food and everybody knows it, so most people don't bother to advertise a product that sells itself. But most people are not Australian, so here's an advertisement from Australia for meat. And it's even better than it sounds, if that's even possible. H/T to my padre, and here's the link I saw it on at bookworm room.

 

Meat! Meat! Meat! And what goes better to wash down a nice steak than the Jew's Ear Juice?

Perhaps I'm missing something, but the way I'd translate that product is, "Black wood ear dew," which makes almost as much sense. Actually, inside the link they explain the translation and what the drink really is, but honestly, it's funnier if you don't know. The important thing is that it's "quality Jew's ear selected from Changbai Mountain." Gotta give the H/T to Dad again here, who seems to do more work for my blog than I do, doesn't he?

So now we've got TnA, Steak, and Jew Ear... what is this post missing? GUNS! While this post is no longer missing guns, it seems like the U.S. soon might be lacking the great equalizers. Obama Import Ban on Rifles Confirmed. That dirty stinky sekrit moslam kommanyst! THEY TOOK RRR GUNZ! Git r done? Admission: The Author of this post does not know what the hell "Git r done" means, if Larry the Cable Guy is reading this post, please enlighten me in the comments section. Also, please stop appearing on T.V., buy some sleeves, and apologize to your countrymen for everything you've ever done. Thank you.

 

This morning, while getting a haircut that adheres to military regulations (well, Navy regs, which is basically no ponytails), when I saw on the news that an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico exploded. "Huh", I thought, "the news doesn't usually run re-runs, does it?" Turns out, another rig exploded. Somebody really doesn't like that gulf.

P.S. - That somebody is not G-d, according to Stevey Hawkz.

Eco-terrizt takes Discovery Channel hostage, then is shot dead by the po-po. When a crazy person with right wing views does something crazy (i.e. bomb and abortion clinic), the Republican party gets blamed by the left, and the righties claim it was just a crazy person being crazy. When a crazy lefty does something crazy, the left blames the Republicans and then, when it is discovered that a lefty committed the crime, the left claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. The right also claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. I think it is fair to say the reason this phenomenon exists is because the conservatives, and even moreso the libertarians hold people responsible for their own behavior. Liberals, on the other hand, love to play the victim card (maybe that's why joooz are libs?) and say, "this little hoodlum was forced into a life of crime because of abject poverty" or "these angry terrizts are only killing us because of U.S. imperialism," and so on. Poverty, believe it or not, does not equal crime. I hate to pull a Tom Friedman and say, "I wish we were more like China," but if you were to go to a dirt poor village in China, you'd be safer than most cities in the U.S. And they make like, a hundred dollars a year out there.

So yeah, conservatives hold people to higher standards, liberals hold conservatives to higher standards and make excuses for lefties. Ok, those are some harsh and very generalized words. Now fight back, my liberal friends, school me in the comments! Don't let me get away with that libel!

Jimmy Carter Advisor: "Democrats used to be the voice of the common man in America, not his dictator. Harsh words.

As if being trapped in a mine til Christmas wasn't bad enough: Trapped Miner's Wife Meets His Mistress at Vigil. Now he's going to have to listen to her nag on top of it all, just kill yourself now buddy.

You don't say?: BBC Director General Admits BBC Had A Massive Lean to the Left. Well that's news to, uhh, nobody. What next, you'll be telling me Oscar is a grouch? 

I guess I should be more sensitive, after all, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. And while we're admitting things, I'll admit that I always thought BBC stood for Big Black Cock. I guess that's what I get for trolling streaming porn sites. Streaming porn sites are killing porn as we know it... does that mean I'm contributing to the death of a loved one? NOOOOO!!!!!

Video of an awesome baseball fight between the Marlins and the Nat'ls (I am not sure what that stands for... Naturals I think? Because none of them use steroids). Volstad looks pretty gangsta when he gets charged, but that clothesline from Sanchez was definitely a beastly move.

The other day I wrote about my grandfather and his excursion to the art museum with my grandmother. That prompted my father to send me an email about the most modern art ever, art so modern it hasn't even been created yet! David Thompson does a pretty great job with that, so click the link and read what he has to say about it.

False accusations for domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment should carry charges equal to the amount of jail time the "perpetrator" would get had he/she been convicted of the crime. Everybody knows that in cases of domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment, you're guilty until proven innocent.

Glenn Reynolds likens Marxist Utopia to a slave plantation, convincingly if I may say so:

"In fact, if you look at a Marxist Utopia — say, Cuba — what you’ll see is basically a plantation. At the top, you’ve got the Massa and his family — Fidel, Raul, et al. — followed by various layers of overseers — the Communist Party apparat, the secret police — and House Negroes — e.g., the state-controlled media — all living off the surplus labor of the Field Negroes, whose produce is disposed of not according to their own desires (that would be capitalism!) but according to their betters’. This, we’re told, is for the best, since they aren’t smart enough to make their own decisions anyway, and the Massa looks after them with food, housing, and health care. Slaveholders even defended their system as more humane and less exploitative than atomistic capitalism, conveniently ignoring the role of the lash, just as apologists for Marxism conveniently ignore the role of the gulag."

Interesting.

I Just Like to Say Smock

I forgot to add one thing about my little Tibet/Taiwan/China talk yesterday. We have been supporting the Republic of China (Taiwan) since before they relocated to Taiwan. We have supported them since before World War II, and there are some arguably good reasons for it. They are capitalist, and embrace the West and our ideals. I won't say they were/are a model democracy, considering they had lots of corruption and 50 years of uninterrupted one party rule isn't exactly a paragon of democracy, but they aren't responsible for the deaths of millions upon millions of their own people. So Taiwan, like any other place, has its problems, but also look at how successful they are and the quality of life of it's people. You always hear about concerned Hollywood tools whining about Tibet, but do they actually know anything about the place? First of all, the PRC government will crack heads of any dissidents, not just along racial lines. Yeah, they murder the Wiggers (that's how I spell Uyghur) in Xinjiang and the Tibetans in Tibet, but they also murder any Han Chinese they disagree with too. Furthermore, do these tools know what kind of people they're supporting? Do they know what kind of government would exist in Tibet? Something similar to a theocracy, and a dead broke one with shit for infrastructure at that. Seriously, that asshole Lama cut me off, and then proceeded to drive 5 below the speed limit. The PRC has greatly improved the lives of people in Tibet, and a there are Han people who live there too.

Ok, I'll stop boring you with that, and instead, I'll bore you with this. My friend, an anti-religion self-proclaimed atheist, and I were talking about religion and what it does for good, and what it does for evil. We noted that atrocities have been committed in the name of religion, but also atrocities have been committed by bona fide atheists (Stalin, Mao ringing any bells?). What we did not note is the evolutionary basis for belief in G-d, so I'll refer you to NPR for an awesome, interesting article about just that.

Schooled by a commenter, CF, who tipped me off to this gem: Nurse's Union Topless Video Yanked. They talk about some other controversial Danish commercials, and I actually saw the one with the girl and the one night stand. Important question: How do I apply for the part of the patient in that ad? Anybody with the answer please contact me in the comments.

Cocaine? No way dude, this is powdered gum. Paris Hilton, take it from my sister, that "I'm just holding it for a friend" line doesn't work on anybody (well, maybe it'd work on you). She got arrested for only 0.8 grams, that's not even enough to have a cool billiards-related nickname. And you can't call it an eight-ball, because that's an eight of an ounce. Ahh drugs, teaching 'Mrrrkins the metric system since 1776. I actually had a conversation with some co-workers about how much I love the "freedom system" (i.e., inches, feet, miles, pounds, fahrenheit). The freedom system is basically just a big middle finger to the rest of the world, like, "Yeah, so what it doesn't make sense? This is 'Mrrrkah! FREEDOM." And then your friend throws a big sword.

Nanny State: Hey, let's ban TV for young kids! They've got all these fucking rules for kids nowadays, like they can't watch TV or drive cars, and you can't have sex with them or hit them with a belt. It's facism, and it makes me sick.

She told me she was just dancing til she saved enough to go to law school... I didn't take her seriously until I saw "Gibbons v. Ogden, 1821" tattooed on her taint. What a random court case to tattoo on yourself, you'd think that a woman working in the sex industry might pay more attention to "Roe vs. Wade." Tip your strippers well, they won't forget it when they're doctors or lawyers and you need help.

Science: "Yeah, so uh, we were just speculating about the stuff we've been hyping to the world as the most dangerous problem facing the human race. What, you expected us to actually check?" You've got to be fuckin' kidding me. Well, they had to come up with "proof" of the disastrous problem so that they could regulate legislate on it.

Via Glenn Reynolds, "bye bye fossil fuels"! Steven Den Beste does his best buzzkill: "hold up a minute Glenn, this might help the terrizts." But Steven, what if the government kept tight control over it... just kidding. On an unrelated and embarrassing note, I must admit that I thought thorium was an element made up by Blizzard Entertainment and used in their Warcraft series. On an unrelated and not-embarrassing note, my favorite element is Tungsten because it's symbol is W, and like, WTF is with that? Also, it sounds funny. So does the word "smock." There's a great Calvin and Hobbes comic about that one.

 

I knew it! Heavy Drinkers Outlive Non Drinkers. Take that, NERDS! SPRING BREAK '06, WOOOOOOOO!

Of course, Baboons already knew this secret to longevity (H/T: Hotair).

Evil jooooooz murder and rape poor, pitiful Palestinians in the West Bank are thriving. Could it be because their government is not a terrorist group who rejects the existence of Israel, but a more moderate group that rejects the existence of Israel.

U.S. Mosque, along with British toolbag, raise money for Hamas (with video).

And now I leave you on a bittersweet note, as I present you with a video symbolic of American decline. (H/T: Hotair.com) For if we cannot present the world with the greatest action scenes in modern cinema, I don't have much hope for our future. I'm just kidding, We've had tons of better scenes than this, but damn this one's good, and gotta give credit where it's due.

The Dalai Lama Cut Me Off

I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti... slthththth.

It's like rain on your wedding day, it's a free ride when you have 10,000 spoons and need a knife. It's one hand in my pocket, and the other hand was lost in 'Nam. I don't remember all the lyrics, ok? It's ironic though, or maybe it's just odd luck and coincidence. The point is, I think this qualifies under the umbrella of irony: Ghost Hunter killed by train while looking for ghost train. He was probably good at seeing supernatural stuff, which led to his tragic lack of natural sight. Now all he has to do to hunt ghosts is find a mirror, HEYO!

Mitch Daniels, one of my favorite politicians out there, is unfortunately short. At least he gets badass points for riding a harley to a speech appearance. On the other point, he gets major fags points for riding a harley.

Law Professor Ann Althouse tipped me off to that picture when she compared pictures of Presidents on bikes (and one stank ass commie with a gun). The same stank ass commie who went shirtless horseback riding in Siberia. If he weren't such a stank ass commie, he'd be like, 50% 'Mrrrkin, but he'd rather be an asshole.

Pop quiz: What does Reed the Viking hate more than commies? Pop answer: Terrizts. As the most 'Mrrkin blogger in the world, I obviously hate terrizm. Terrizm is antithetical to 'Mrrka and freedom and huge boobs attached to blonde hair (I'm not sure if there's anything between the breasts and the hair, you'd have to talk to a scientist about that). So does it upset me when my TSA routinely annoys the shit out of me when I want to travel, but still can't catch these fucking monkeys? News like this makes me want to punch a baby.

Best hair-do evah? Money quote: "I'll bet Ms. Progris wishes she'd spent more time doing Kegel exercises before her recent encounter at the jail."

For all you people out there who are not knowledgable about East Asia's politics or culture, let me explain some things to you. Chinese Taipei is communist for the 'Mrrrkin word, Taiwan. I think the Taiwanese and even them commie mainlanders also call the island Taiwan, but our gubment back in the 70's (thanks, Dick... Nixon) decided to push our democratic friends under the bus, or as the chinese say, 公共汽車, so now we call it Chinese Taipei. Even though all my clothes, my cell phone, and my girlfriend all say "made in Taiwan," when we have the little league olympics, we call a spade Chinese Taipei. For those interested (Hi Mom!) I am in favor of Taiwanese independence, but puzzlingly enough, I am not in favor of Tibetan independence. The Dalai Lama once cut me off and I'll never forgive him for it, asians really can't drive! Where do I draw the distinction between who should have self-determination? Arbitrarily... just kidding, Taiwan has it's own military (Army, Navy, Air Force) and has been politically and economically independent for decades. Tibet, well, sorry, but just deal with it, you lost. Supporting your independence movement is no different than supporting Hawaiian independence. Who are we 'Mrrrkins to get involved in issues infringing upon Chinese sovereignty when it comes to their territories (Taiwan doesn't count for the aforementioned reasons)?

Hmmm.... Governer of the People's Bank of China defected to 'Mrrrka? Doubtful but we'll see.

Glenn links to futurepundit about a melanoma killing drug, who makes sure to bash the counterintuitive, counterproductive measures of the FDA.

"But do not expect it at a doctor’s office any time soon.

Further studies are needed before the drug can be approved by the FDA.I find this infuriating. Once you’ve been given a death sentence diagnosis and have months to live why should you have to die without being able to try experimental treatments?

Stage IV metastatic variety of melanoma has a 5 year survival rate below 20% and even lower in some cases. Malignant melanoma diagnosis amounts to a check-out notice from the Life Hotel. Such check-out notices ought to entitle you to a “Get out of the FDA jail card” where you get to try experimental treatments."

Infuriating indeed. In better news, however, that drug will be obsolete when this miracle cure comes out. Well alcoholism is now considered a disease, can you cure that Mr. Smarty Pants Scientist? How about sex addiction? I've got a terrible case of it, and the only prescription is more bewbs! 

I tried really hard to stay away from 'Mrrrkin politics today, because I'm tired of it and I generally don't like anybody on either side (but I don't like liberals more; social cons, you suck too but as long as you're pissed about the economy I'll put up with you). However, I could not stay away from this revelation as Rachel Maddow** and the rest of the predictable, snarky lesbian MSNBC hosts (Kayo, C-Matts) bash a racist tea-partier who we later found out was a gay democrat supporter who donated tens of thousands to democrats and fundraised for John "I swear I thought this was Massachusetts water" Kerry. Damn racist homophobic republicans, stop being democrats!

Just one more thing about that whole Glenn Beck rally. Glenn Beck sucks; he doesn't scare me, but the whole religious revival mega church crap he pulled at D.C. does kind of make me feel a little uncomfortable. I'm not anti-religion; if you want to be religious, I'm not going to be a dick about it to you or tell you not to believe in G-d, so long as you're not an asshole to me and try to convert me to the ways of Christ. On the other hand, I could do with less G-d in my politics. Whatever, the Glenn Beck rally is pretty inconsequential to me, it was the liberal reaction that was more telling IMO. From what I read, the rally was positive in it's outlook, so that's good I guess.

H/T Are We Lumberjacks for this hilarious picture. It kind of reminds me of how when I tell people I speak Chinese, they all tell me to say something in it, except in my case I can't make a funny graphic.

 

**I starred up above near Rachel Maddow's name for two reasons:

1. The bad news: she was totally hot before she lezzed out and went all Dykie Dykowicz.
2.  The good news: She can be played by Ralph Macchio in the inevitable biopic.

Of course, that project would have to follow the one he's currently working on, "Wax On, Fuck Off." Enjoy.

This Post Will Blow Your Mind

The Jersey Shore's The Situation is estimated to make 5 million dollars this year. I love you, America.

Yesterday I laid out my proposal for the abolition of marriage as a state institution. One of my favorite commenters, Harry Potter (I assume that's what HP stands for), gave me a virtual high five, and shared that he too shares that sentiment. Today, in an interview continuing from yesterday, Red Eye's Greg Gutfeld  also came out in favor of abolition. He must read my blog (Welcome, Greg)! When asked about gay marriage, he responded:

"I have no problems with it. Look, gays deserve everything straights have, that’s just the bottom line. If it makes it easier for everybody, just remove the whole idea of marriage from government. I think it’s more of a religious question. They attach marriage to their religious beliefs and I can understand, it’s about the word. You know, I don’t care what they call it. And this thing out in California — so confusing to me. But you know what, whatever makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anybody — which sounds really contrived — is basically the way it should be, in my mind."

Noted pervert and proponent of authoritarianism observes what seems all too obvious to everybody else. NY is too expensive to film, says Woody Allen. And as Hollywood gets more and more expensive and restricting, many production companies are picking up shop and taking it elsewhere (like Vancouver, for example). If you want people to invest in your jurisdiction, maybe try having a business friendly climate.

Recently, Sean Penn has also taken to Europe as a location to film. Sean Penn is super lame (despite how awesome Spicoli is). This is an irrefutable fact, just like how proscuitto (import [di parma] only; please, domestic proscuitto should be a crime) is the best deli meat. Sean Penn is lame, and in case you needed any evidence, just watch the 2001 Tardcom thriller, I Am Sam. Tardcom, definition: A spoonerism palindrome onomotopia portmanteau conjoining the words Tard and Comedy. Other examples include The Other Sister, Benny and Joon, and of course Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. Oh so where was I? Sean Penn is lame, right. Well today, surprisingly, I've got to give it to him. He is very, very brave. I'm not talking about how he "speaks truth to power" and loves communism, that's standard Hollywood fare. No, I'm talking about his decision to transition into a woman as a 50-something. I always knew Princess Buttercup was a lesbian, why else would she reject the charming Prince Humperdink? Well Robin, you've got your wish; here's Shawna Penn!

Sean really gave his detractors some ammunition with that shot. On the other hand, Yoko Ono, who I have hated for my entire conscious life, has completely redeemed herself. She sang at the MoMA, intimately engaged with the crowd and uploaded the video for all to see. She's done great correcting her image with this one, that's for sure (H/T: Twitter buddy and Navy prior service, GConRap).

She was either trying to sing, or was getting fucked hard by John Lennon's ghost. I prefer to think it's the latter; regardless, my favorite part had to be at the end when those 'tards (I'm sorry Sarah Palin, I mean mentally disabled... retard) were talking about how great the performance was. I have never appreciated "modern art," because to me, it was usually like, one little black dot in the center of an outrageously large white canvas or something retarded like that. This disdain for "modern art" is strongly tied to the male Vikings in my family, starting roughly with my paternal grandfather. My grandmother, who LOVES modern art (she has the quirkiest, most awesome sense of style evah) dragged my grandfather to the Guggenheim art museum a long time ago against his will. When they got there, my grandmother quickly lost (ignored is probably better) my grandfather, but eventually she noticed he was missing. She looked around and found a crowd gathered around one piece, listening intently to the tour guide. Upon closer inspection, she noticed that the tour guide was my grandfather, and was feeding the crowd complete bullshit (which they eat right up). "You see, those lines represent sexual repression, and that red splotch signifies the blood spilled in the fight for civil rights." My grandmother never made him go back to the art museum again. That sort of sabotage behavior is evident in my character, like when my mom asks me to do the laundry and I make sure to fuck it up so she never asks me to do it again! Thanks Gramps!

Epic fail: German teen who robbed a bank got caught after taunting police on the internet for mistaken coverage of the incident.

North of Germany, the Danes are going to space! Note the headline Viking reference. Thanks WJW! One of those involved mentioned that he's tired of waiting for NASA and wants to go to space. Well, good for him. On the other hand, we HAVE NASA and are tired of waiting for it, that's why we have the X-prize. I watched a documentary about the X-prize once, I remember being impressed with Burt Rutan at the time.

I interrupt this blog post with a message informing you: Ducks wear dog masks (via Izismile.com)

Your mind has just been blown! You will never look at a mallard duck the same way again. Let me blow your mind once more. Well, now you know what a real nerd looks like.

Iraqi's don't want us to leave... at least 60% of them don't. That's what they get for voting for Barack Obama, rubes!

Freedom Flotilla targeting New England during Obama's stay? JWF doesn't expect the press to take to the story unless they can somehow blame Israel (which seems unlikely, but then again, the 9/11 Mosque controversy was also able to be blamed on Israel, and Hitler is also being blamed on the Jews).

Leave Britney Obama alone! I agree that Obama playing golf isn't a big deal, the guy needs his personal time. It's unfair, but it just sucks that it fits the opposition narrative of an out-of-touch big wig who'd rather play golf than check the gulf. I'd be more sympathetic if his staunch defenders who wallow in Obamapity weren't the same partisans attacking Bush for similar activities. It's all partisanship though, and it's dumb. To be honest, the only reason I linked to this post was so I could make fun of golf, because it's the lamest sport out there. Also, to quote Mark Twain, as a commenter on the post did, "Golf is a good walk spoiled." Amen.

While on the topic of golf, Tiger Woods Taiwanese animators are at the cutting edge of the new media. I've seen a bunch of their animations, and I don't get what the big deal is, but I love Taiwan and thus, enjoy stories of their success. My HTC Incredible phone (which is aptly named) is also made in Taiwan (HTC is a Taiwanese company). 

The craziest car crash I've ever seen on tape, and the incredible part is that the guy didn't die on impact; he's apparently hospitalized in critical condition.

Steven Colbert tweets: "Iran may have a new weapon, but there's a bright side: they have to acknowledge Israel exists before they can attack it." He's hilarious, and all politics aside, he walks the walk when it comes to supporting the troops. He went to Iraq to tape his show with them, and he's welcoming them home as well. Unlike Code "We support the troops but not the war" Pink, who then go act in ways that severely hurt the troops (sometimes mortally), Steven Colbert does support the troops. Good on him.

Before I leave you, I have an awesome picture of a Kingly patriot.