Reed the Viking

100th Post!

Today marks my 100th post, a very important benchmark for a super serious blogger like myself. I should be getting a book deal soon, right? Somebody pay me damnit! So that's not the only recent bench mark in my life. Last week, and I forgot to mention it on my blog because it was on the weekend, was the 2nd year mark of my navy career. This is important for two reasons:

1.  It's a nice count-down reminder of how much time I have left.
2. Pay raise!!!

You'd think I have something special planned for today's post, but I don't.

If there's one link you click on today, make it this one. VDH wrote an excellent post about the Obama administration's Animal Farm. I don't think it could be put any better than that, and quite frankly, I'm jealous that I didn't write it. Curse you, VDH!!!! CURSE YOU!!!!!!

Some discouraging, perhaps even worrying news from Turkey. How long can they remain a secular democracy? Scary question...

More troubling Turkey news: Big Contributions From Iran.

According to this report, I should be excellent at quick decision making. I don't think I'm good enough, maybe I should play more Counterstrike. Let's see if I can convince the Navy that we should have annual Halo training for 4 weeks.

When you've lost John Stewart... Dems are in deep trouble in November, lucky for them it's not 2012.

How to concede election results with grace. Would that more losers act this way, sportsmanship seems very underrated these days.

Daily dose of Paul Ryan.

Daily dose of Chris Christie.

WaPo hackery: Extending Bush Tax Cuts Would Deprive Government of $4 Trillion. Ed explains the hackery, but the short of it is that keeping the status quo doesn't deprive the government of anything, but raising taxes would increase tax intake by $4 trillion. The way they write it, it's like we owe them that money of ours (well, we do). I pay them quite enough, thanks.

Yesterday I read about a big announcement that would excite Democrats around the nation. This announcement, I read, was to be announced on the 15th of September by Tim Kaine. Allah had some interesting and hilarious hunches about what the announcement might be, and he wasn't far off, but he was ultimately wrong. If you click the link, and follow his link to the new "car metaphor," you are liable to laugh. It was Glenn and his readers, however, who had my favorite reaction to the big news today.

“It’s no fun when they are so easy. How long before that logo shows up with a red cross bar running from 10 to 4?”

If I were worth a damn at photoshop, I'd have been all over that hours ago. Good thing I've got MS Paint! Done and done.

 Artist Behind Everybody Draw Mohammud Day Forced to Change Identity. I have little sympathy for her, especially because she chickened out and apologized after it caught on. The real reason I have no sympathy for her is because I, Reed the motherfucking Viking, created Everybody Draw Mohammud Day first! I created it the day the South Park episode 201 aired. I got no credit because nobody reads my blog, but damnit I thought of it first, I should be the one with the death threats! I'm trying so damn hard here, somebody notice me and threaten to kill me! I thought of wearing an outfit made from meat to try to provoke PETA, but unfortunately I'm a little late on that one... Allah also goes into why he supported EDM Day but not the Quran burning with pretty much the same reasoning that I use. The most important point is found here, which I pretty much 100% agree with:

"As I acknowledged during Koran-apalooza last week, it’s a fine line between Jones’s stunt (which I opposed) and “Everybody Draw Mohammed Day” (which I supported). One of the reasons I look dimly on dopey atheist gags like erecting “Secular Trees” next to Christmas trees on public squares is because the offense to Christians seems gratuitous. Sure, they’re making a point about religion in the process, but they’re doing it in a way that looks like mockery, calculated to annoy. They have the right, but why alienate people with a taunt? That’s what Jones’s stunt seemed like to me — not so much a message to jihadis, even though he tried to frame it that way at times, but something aimed at provoking all Muslims, a group that includes people like Zuhdi Jasser. EDM Day wasn’t aimed at all Muslims, though. Some moderates were bound to take offense, but the point of the day was to push back against the sort of jihadis who’ve now forced Norris into hiding. Intent and intimidation do count here; if Christian fundies were threatening to kill atheists over “Secular Trees,” my calculations would change accordingly. But either way, there simplymust be space for this sort of offense in public debate. I’m open to drawing the line in a slightly different place, but the line has to be drawn somewhere."

Well said, Allah.

Glenn also linked to that story on Instapundit, and his comment goes back to what I was saying yesterday about the victim being blamed for the violent offender's actions.

"Blaming the victim is what people do, when they’re scared and don’t want to do anything about what’s scaring them."

True words right there. 

Hot Mexican Chick in Tight Clothes Gets Cat-Called in Locker Room. Really? This is a news story? There's nothing more dog bites man than this. 2+2 = 4, and smoking hot women in flattering outfits who walk into a locker room are going to get attention for their looks. Normally I'd ignore this retarded "story," but it's about my Jets (who suck, but whatever) so I felt compelled to comment. Lori Ziganto does a good job with this one, so just click the link and read her perspective. This really was just an excuse to post a picture of a hot chick.

 Men can't be men anymore in this country apparently, not even in the NFL. Next thing you know, they'll be sitting next to Tiger being treated for their sex addictions.

Jonah Goldberg revisits some excellent libertarian concepts. I've argued on the blog that a market economy is cooperative and fairer than a "fair" and "planned" economy. The biggest takeaway from this article, for me, was the concepts explored in "I, Pencil." You don't know how to make a pencil, and not even a pencil expert could do it himself nor could he know the immediate needs at every level in the process in a timely manner. I don't care how many Ivy League degrees you have, or how many Nobel Prizes you've won, a centralized body will not be as well equipped to deal with the issues at hand as the people who are actually affected. Not to mention the law of unintended consequences that comes into play every time new legislation passes (did somebody say higher insurance premiums?).

My father wrote about the law of unintended consequences today. Environmentalists know that bikes are better for the environment than cars, so as logic dictates, biking to work should be incentivized, right? Cue the law of unintended consequences: 

"The City took away one traffic lane and two parking spots and now has cars oddly placed in the middle of the street.  During periods of usual traffic, the loss of one lane increases transit time significantly.  Traffic never moves fast in New York (though the recession has helpfully cut the number of cars driving in the City; perhaps the Democrats can use that as evidence for the silver lining of their economic policies?)  Here is the conundrum for the Bloomberg administration, as it increasingly attempts to micromanage the behavior of New Yorkers: although their desire to save the planet and protect the health of New Yorkers is admirable, (it is for our own good, after all) they have neglected to factor in the unintended consequences of their policies.  For example, of the number of people who travel up First Avenue everyday, less than 1% are riding bikes.  If the bike lane causes increased congestion (which it does) then the net benefit on our carbon footprint will go up, rather than down.  Furthermore, the loss of parking spaces on the street means people will have to use parking garages more often (which increases the city's coffers by virtue of their 18.5% tax on their ridiculously high fees) which increases the cost of doing business in New York.  A not insignificant number of tax paying commuters will conclude, as all the costs of living and working in New York increase (again, the cost of food, clothing, and all other necessities goes up when the city makes it more costly to move around), that doing business in New York is just not worth the expense and the inconvenience.  Thus, our Mayor's desire, admirable as it is, to control every aspect of life in the Big City, will lead to a deterioration of life in the Big City. "

He also waxes poetic towards the end of his post, with a funny take on a poem about the Holocaust (Funny? Holocaust? You're sick Reed). Also it's a good post because he linked to me, thanks Dad.

One of my favorite blogs, Are We Lumberjacks, made me piss my pants with this one today.

 

I'll Take Her, A Rare Ribeye, and a Nice Glass of Jew's Ear Juice

I didn't post yesterday, so I've got lots of great news to write about today!

I always had a little bit of an issue with the current Iranian regime, particularly due to their feelings towards the jooooz. But then, lots of people hate the jooooz, so there was no reason to get fired up about it... that is, until now. Iranian Newspaper: "Carla Bruni is a Whore Who Should Be Killed." Sick fucks, you leave my Carla alone! This is not the way to win hearts and minds in the international community, which everybody knows is what Iran has been trying to do with the election of Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket.

Ok, seriously Iran? Now I'm REALLY angry! Cheerleaders Forced to Cover Up During US-Iran Basketball Game. I'm really actually angry at 'Mrrrka for agreeing to that bullshit. I want my cheerleaders half-nude, dumb as a rock, and busty as hell.

I'm not the only guy (hardly) who likes a large bust. From Glenn, Quote of the Day: "I want it just like her but with bigger boobs." Classic stuff right there. Anybody who's spent 15 minutes in conversation with me knows that I can't wait for lifelike sex-dolls. I want them to be completely customizable so when I'm in the mood to free willie, I can pack on her pounds, or when I'm trying to get my King Kong on, I can get me a jungle girl. For all other times, Salma Hayek in Desperado will do just fine.

Maybe I could do without the sexbots if I sign up for this dating site. 64% of Young Woman on Dating Site Would Make Sex Tape to Get Ahead. 45% said they'd bone their teacher for better grades, which makes me think I went into the wrong field. Where can I find these girls!?

So far I've talked about a lot of TnA (that's Tits 'n Ass for all readers over 50 [Mom, Dad]), but aside from a nice juicy woman, I also appreciate other kinds of meat, namely, the red kind. In fact, if a woman's face was replaced with a steak (ok, you can keep her mouth there, but everything else is ribeye!) I'd be much more inclined to pay her some attention up there. But I digress; red meat is the best food and everybody knows it, so most people don't bother to advertise a product that sells itself. But most people are not Australian, so here's an advertisement from Australia for meat. And it's even better than it sounds, if that's even possible. H/T to my padre, and here's the link I saw it on at bookworm room.

 

Meat! Meat! Meat! And what goes better to wash down a nice steak than the Jew's Ear Juice?

Perhaps I'm missing something, but the way I'd translate that product is, "Black wood ear dew," which makes almost as much sense. Actually, inside the link they explain the translation and what the drink really is, but honestly, it's funnier if you don't know. The important thing is that it's "quality Jew's ear selected from Changbai Mountain." Gotta give the H/T to Dad again here, who seems to do more work for my blog than I do, doesn't he?

So now we've got TnA, Steak, and Jew Ear... what is this post missing? GUNS! While this post is no longer missing guns, it seems like the U.S. soon might be lacking the great equalizers. Obama Import Ban on Rifles Confirmed. That dirty stinky sekrit moslam kommanyst! THEY TOOK RRR GUNZ! Git r done? Admission: The Author of this post does not know what the hell "Git r done" means, if Larry the Cable Guy is reading this post, please enlighten me in the comments section. Also, please stop appearing on T.V., buy some sleeves, and apologize to your countrymen for everything you've ever done. Thank you.

 

This morning, while getting a haircut that adheres to military regulations (well, Navy regs, which is basically no ponytails), when I saw on the news that an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico exploded. "Huh", I thought, "the news doesn't usually run re-runs, does it?" Turns out, another rig exploded. Somebody really doesn't like that gulf.

P.S. - That somebody is not G-d, according to Stevey Hawkz.

Eco-terrizt takes Discovery Channel hostage, then is shot dead by the po-po. When a crazy person with right wing views does something crazy (i.e. bomb and abortion clinic), the Republican party gets blamed by the left, and the righties claim it was just a crazy person being crazy. When a crazy lefty does something crazy, the left blames the Republicans and then, when it is discovered that a lefty committed the crime, the left claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. The right also claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. I think it is fair to say the reason this phenomenon exists is because the conservatives, and even moreso the libertarians hold people responsible for their own behavior. Liberals, on the other hand, love to play the victim card (maybe that's why joooz are libs?) and say, "this little hoodlum was forced into a life of crime because of abject poverty" or "these angry terrizts are only killing us because of U.S. imperialism," and so on. Poverty, believe it or not, does not equal crime. I hate to pull a Tom Friedman and say, "I wish we were more like China," but if you were to go to a dirt poor village in China, you'd be safer than most cities in the U.S. And they make like, a hundred dollars a year out there.

So yeah, conservatives hold people to higher standards, liberals hold conservatives to higher standards and make excuses for lefties. Ok, those are some harsh and very generalized words. Now fight back, my liberal friends, school me in the comments! Don't let me get away with that libel!

Jimmy Carter Advisor: "Democrats used to be the voice of the common man in America, not his dictator. Harsh words.

As if being trapped in a mine til Christmas wasn't bad enough: Trapped Miner's Wife Meets His Mistress at Vigil. Now he's going to have to listen to her nag on top of it all, just kill yourself now buddy.

You don't say?: BBC Director General Admits BBC Had A Massive Lean to the Left. Well that's news to, uhh, nobody. What next, you'll be telling me Oscar is a grouch? 

I guess I should be more sensitive, after all, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. And while we're admitting things, I'll admit that I always thought BBC stood for Big Black Cock. I guess that's what I get for trolling streaming porn sites. Streaming porn sites are killing porn as we know it... does that mean I'm contributing to the death of a loved one? NOOOOO!!!!!

Video of an awesome baseball fight between the Marlins and the Nat'ls (I am not sure what that stands for... Naturals I think? Because none of them use steroids). Volstad looks pretty gangsta when he gets charged, but that clothesline from Sanchez was definitely a beastly move.

The other day I wrote about my grandfather and his excursion to the art museum with my grandmother. That prompted my father to send me an email about the most modern art ever, art so modern it hasn't even been created yet! David Thompson does a pretty great job with that, so click the link and read what he has to say about it.

False accusations for domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment should carry charges equal to the amount of jail time the "perpetrator" would get had he/she been convicted of the crime. Everybody knows that in cases of domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment, you're guilty until proven innocent.

Glenn Reynolds likens Marxist Utopia to a slave plantation, convincingly if I may say so:

"In fact, if you look at a Marxist Utopia — say, Cuba — what you’ll see is basically a plantation. At the top, you’ve got the Massa and his family — Fidel, Raul, et al. — followed by various layers of overseers — the Communist Party apparat, the secret police — and House Negroes — e.g., the state-controlled media — all living off the surplus labor of the Field Negroes, whose produce is disposed of not according to their own desires (that would be capitalism!) but according to their betters’. This, we’re told, is for the best, since they aren’t smart enough to make their own decisions anyway, and the Massa looks after them with food, housing, and health care. Slaveholders even defended their system as more humane and less exploitative than atomistic capitalism, conveniently ignoring the role of the lash, just as apologists for Marxism conveniently ignore the role of the gulag."

Interesting.

Black Jew: The Unicorn of Minorities

A bit of a slow news day for me, but I did read an article about the best mom evah. But seriously, selling the baby was more responsible than putting it in the dumpster, right? I also enjoy how committed she was to video games, that despite her gambling debt, she was willing to use some of that baby-sale money to buy a playstation. As a gamer, I can relate to that, and don't tell my parents, but back when my little brother was still young and cute, and not a terrizt teenager, I tried to trade him for a superscope on SNES. Yeah, I already had the console, but the toy gun was totally worth the trade. Vash, you're cool and all, but at the time, you were like a little baby and were sorta useless, so forgive me for my evil thoughts. I digress, where was I? Worst mom, check.

Best basketball player evah? Amar'e Stoudemire. He just found out about his jewish roots (I know, really?) and these are some of his last few tweets on twitter:

“Boker Tov !! People. Have a great day. I'm done with a weight lift, next stop Basketball Court. All ways working. Shalom.”

When asked, "What's up with the hebrew, are you jewish?" his response was, "Yes Indeed!!"

"I'm the new Reggie White. (RIP) I'm going 2 Israel 2 study Hebrew. It's time 2 get a better understanding on who we R. Follow me !! Shalom" He then mentioned that he has family that lives there.

"Just finished playing a game of Chess. That's a great game to play." I agree Amar'e.

"On the flight to Israel. This is going to be a great trip. The holy land. Learn about it. This ze ha'halom sheli. Shalom."

"Jerusalem is a beautiful city, I'm at a cafe eating a late lunch. I'm learning Hebrew by the min. Keep up !! Shalom."

I don't even watch basketball (because the knicks suck and didn't get Lebron), but I'd actually heard of Stoudemire which is impressive for somebody as ignant as I. Actually, I'll be honest and say that when I first was directed to his twitter, I thought it was Damon Stoudemire's (the basketball playing Stoudemire I actually know; I used to like the Trail Blazers when I was in middle school). But still, this guy is the man, purely because he's of the same religion as me. JEW POWER! Tribal affiliation trumps all, suckas!

Overreaction much? Woman threatened at knife-point after the knife-weilder touches her butt. It's not what you think, honestly. Laquita Mattox's friend toucher has ass, causing her to clench, and thus break the bed she was sitting on with her what I assume to be ginormous ass.

I once posted a video of Steven Colbert embarrassing WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange (yes, that's his real last name), and I figured Assange's credibility was pretty much shot after everybody exposed him as an ideologue commited to damaging America's image and standing, even if he had to manipulate facts and footage to do it. I had hoped not to give him the time of day, but this scumbag apparently has endangered the lives of a ton of Afghans who trusted us to keep them safe in return for working with us. This guy went from dishonest hack to worst kind of scum pretty quick. I know he's off hiding in Sweden, but if Obama can order unmanned drone assassinations of U.S. Citizens (see Anwar Al-Awlaki, U.S. Citizen) without trial, he certainly could pop a cap in this fools douchey blonde head. His hair is only marginally less terrible than Guy Fieri's, but at least Guy seems to realize how bad his hair is and genuinely seems to hate himself. This guy looks like a gay Draco Malfoy... Gayco Malfoy.

Kobayashi lost this hot-dog eating competition when he had to run to the ATM half-way thru and drain his bank account. 69 Dollar Hot Dog at Serendipity 3. My family used to go there yearly to celebrate the end of the school year, and I think it got gayer each year (literally gay, not like, derogatory "quit being so gay" gay). The frozen hot chocolate was always pretty good, but that's about all I remember from that place besides the gayness and how the interior looks. Makes sense that they'd have a 69 dollar weiner, if you get my middle school level drift ;).

Speaking of gay, Masshole rep Barney Frank (D-Mass) perpetuates age-old jewish stereotype's by arguing over a dollar senior citizen discount. Glenn puts it best: "If only he were as cheap with our money as he is with his own."

“Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank caused a scene when he demanded a $1 senior discount on his ferry fare to Fire Island’s popular gay haunt, The Pines, last Friday. Frank was turned down by ticket clerks at the dock in Sayville because he didn’t have the required Suffolk County Senior Citizens ID. A witness reports, ‘Frank made such a drama over the senior rate that I contemplated offering him the dollar to cool down the situation.’”

They call this news? Muslims and Nazis don't like Jewish People. Keep up the groundbreaking reporting Der Spiegel.

Just because you're a teacher does not mean you're good, nor does it mean you necessarily care about children. Whistleblowing teacher fired for exposing teacher thefts of student food. What a god awful story, only one person here did the right thing and she got punished. That's usually how it goes though, ain't it? Stealing federally provided lunches from poor students, it doesn't get much worse than that. Actually, now that I've started my brain working, if I really wanted to go to hell, after stealing the lunch I'd sell it back to the kids (at a cheap price of course, they ARE strapped for cash you know) and make a little bonus. You always hear how underpaid teachers are, right?

Just because you're a cop does not mean you're good, nor does it mean you necessarily care about stopping murderers and saving lives. Unfortunately, I kind of understand the cops a little tiny bit here... Yes, what they did was jacked up, but that's the sort of lesson that gets instilled in large bureaucracies, where covering ones own ass is the most important thing. Ideally, I would hope that covering your ass would involve not letting innocent people get murdered on your watch, but who am I to have ideals anyway? As always, Glenn puts it best: "Breaking down doors for drug raids is bad. Breaking down doors to prevent murder is good. Guess which one the cops hold back on..." Remember, a few months ago I posted video of the cops breaking into a house on a "drug bust," arresting the father and killing the pet dog in front of the family (including a little kid). I think they found a little pot in that house, but that was all. Dave Chappelle was wiser than he knew (first minute has the most relevant part, but the whole clip is hilarious).

Chappelle's Show
Tron Carter's Law & Order
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

The Perfect Girlfriend

So last week, I started putting up pictures of scantily clad broads and I saw a huge uptick in my traffic... surprise surprise. I've come to terms with the fact that no matter how good I think I have written a post, you all just care about boobs. That's fine, I'll deliver the breasts. First, I'll make you read what I have to say though (please don't scroll to the bottom without reading, it hurts my feelings!). Maybe this will get you to read: We all know that SEX makes you smarter, but for those of you too nerdy to interact with real females, I've got even better news - Virtual sex might have the same benefits. I can't wait til they have virtual reality sex, and trust me, the first kinds of virtual reality WILL be sex-based. Sex leads industry, whether it be in the case of VHS or even the internet, sex is the forerunner in all. My favorite part of games like City of Heroes and World of Warcraft is creating my character, customizing how he looks and making it to my liking. Now imagine, you have a character creator where you can customize the virtual fuck-buddy... that is pure win, my friends. Don't worry, you don't have to imagine, I've imagined for you. I now take the pleasure in presenting my future virtual girlfriend! I've programmed her and designed her personality to personal taste.

The horror, THE HORROR! Run Liberals, make good on your promise to flee to Canada if Bush gets elected again. ABC News: (Jeb) Bush 2012? Surely a terrifying concept, let's hope it doesn't come down to that. Then again, between him and Palin.. *shudder*

Living on the edge: Pilot Ejects Seconds Before Crashing and Exploding His Plane (with badass pictures included).

Good news: Iran studying nuclear fusion reactors. Actually, I don't know how scary this thought really is, seeing as nuclear fusion reactors haven't been properly achieved by anyone... yet.

The new Goth: from Korn to Qaeda (it's an alliteration if you say it out loud): Homegrown Jihadis just a bunch of angsty fags adolescents? I'm not sure if I agree with this assessment entirely, but it's certainly an interesting take. I remember one goth chick from my highschool that was always looking to shock and appall, she ended up getting into neo-nazism and I distinctly remember a picture circulating that showed a swastika shaved into her pubes. She was a real loser, but she reveled in it, and I could easily see a teenager like her getting seduced by the shock value of joining the fight against 'Mrrrka.

This is pretty much how I feel about the Kings of Leon in a nutshell: Kings of Leon Concert Cut Short Due to Pigeon Poop. I liked that song "Sex on Fire" which I assume to be about a bad night in Reno capped with a shot of penicillin, but that other song "Use Somebody" kind of makes me want to become a pigeon and just shit all over their concert schedule.

Oops: Chinese Police Beat Official's Wife By Mistake... "I'm sorry ma'am, I thought you were somebody else's wife." Note, the story is not an apology for the police beating the shit out of a woman, it's an apology for beating the wrong woman. Keep it classy, Beijing.

French Nuns get signed to GaGa's record lable. I have nothing to add, I think the headline speaks for itself.

Law and Order: It's a hard-knock life in the pen... unless you're in MEXICAN prison, in which case sign up for your free cell-key, gun, and vehicle in the rec-center. At least they're not in Turkish prison in the 70's, Billy Hayes had a real tough time there. If you don't get the reference, I'm talking about the story which was told in the 1978 flick, Midnight Express, which was written by Oliver Stone. Oliver Stone, the useful idiot who hangs out with Hugo Chavez and loves communism. Nevermind the hypocrisy of being a millionare beneficiary of capitalism; if I were to write about every rich, famous, capitalist-beneficiary communist-sympathizer, I'd have no room to write about anything else. No, Stone gets the mention for this extra bit of nuttery. If you're too lazy to click the link, he said Hitler gets a bad rap and his story is told out of context, the holocaust is taught because of a strong jewish lobby, and the jews control the media. I'm not surprised that he said any of that, hard leftism often goes hand in hand with anti-semitism, but I'm semi-surprised at the lack of condemnation he recieves. If only Mel Gibson had said it, we'd have a news story on our hands I guess.

Confirmed: Reason the Gulf has yet to be cleaned up - Louisiana is the laziest state in the union.

Startin' 'em early: Poledancing classes for 6 year olds. As I always said, if there's grass on the field, leave the middle school and go younger. Kindergartens always a safe bet.

No surprises here: Porn for women sounds incredibly boring and lame. Heck, I haven't been able to watch lesbian porn since I was like 14, it's too softcore. If there's not a corpse and at least 2 different household goods being used in ways they're not intended for, I can't even get it up.

Good news for time-travel: Time-travel without Grandfather Paradox is possible. But does that solve Niven's law of time travel?

More than a 100 planets found in last few weeks that are "Earth-like." Sign me up to go, and make sure I can bring my virtual girlfriend.

Cornell Law's Prof. Jacobson talks about the Religion of Context. He then writes here about Visconti's Law (an extension of Godwin's Law). As the good Professor himself notes, this is related to a Kafkatrap, which is linked and explained here. It's a long article, so I'll briefly explain the Kafkatrap, which is employed often to attack anybody who deviates from the lefty line (rightys use it sometimes too, but with less results). Basically, the accuser (A) will accuse the trap victim (B) of some charge that cannot be disproven (anti-semitism, racism, sexism, homophobic tendencies, etc.). A uses a variety of different models of the Kafkatrap to smear B, some examples being:

“Your refusal to acknowledge that you are guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…} confirms that you are guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}.” - Kafkatrap Model A

“Even if you do not feel yourself to be guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}, you are guilty because you have benefited from the {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…} behavior of others in the system.” - Kafkatrap Model C

“Even if you do not feel yourself to be guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}, you are guilty because you have a privileged position in the {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…} system.” Model P

The act of demanding a definition of {sin,racism,sexism,homophobia,oppression} that can be consequentially checked and falsified proves you are {sinful,racist,sexist, homophobic, oppressive}.” Model D

Skepticism about any particular anecdotal account of {sin,racism,sexism,homophobia,oppression,…}, or any attempt to deny that the particular anecdote implies a systemic problem in which you are one of the guilty parties, is itself sufficient to establish your guilt.” Model S

So that's basically how the Kafkatrap works, beware of it and call it out when you see it. That's what they do to the Tea Party; Step One: Call them racist. Subsequently, they will enthusiastically deny the allegations. Step Two: Infer that their heated denials and hot tempers that are natural reactions to the incediary charges are further proof of their racism. It's that simple!

The real secret to getting rid of racism is very easy, of course. Morgan Freeman knows this open secret and drops it hard on some unsuspecting, stereotypical New York Jew (Mike Wallace). Put that in your conventional wisdom pipe and smoke it.  Mike Wallace's paternalistic, condescending attitude shines right through here, almost as conspicuously as James Cameron's in Avatar.

Btw, for those expecting a picture of a breasty babe, the one I drew for you will have to suffice for today ;).

I'm Back!

So after over two weeks of vacation, I'm finally back to work and settled in at my new home in Hawaii. But enough about me, let's get to some brogging (that's Chinese for Blogging). So let me jump right back into it... for the good news: Proof that G-d exists. Prepackaged Lasagna sandwiches, could anybody ever ask for more? I love how the basis of comparison for how terrible awesome this sandwich is, is that it rivals even the most fatty American treats... I'm glad we're the standard for deadly food (here is where I insert a plug for my favorite food-porn website: TIWYF). Speaking of deadly yet awesome food, Hawaii has a local delicacy called the Loco-Moco that I have yet to try, but I greatly anticipate eating one. It's a hamburger patty served on rice, topped with eggs over easy and gravy.

Loco Moco-y goodness.

The future is here: Invisible mouse for computers. I welcome all sorts of computer-sciency progress, but I wonder if this invention will do anything to cure what I have dubbed the "Cold Hand Phenomenon." What is the CHP, you might ask? Well, normally, when gaming, surfing the web, or beating off to some insane fetish porn, one hand is often on the mouse and the other is often on the keyboard (when not on the nards). In the winter or in an overly air-conditioned room (save energy for Gaia!), one of your hands gets cold, and it's always the one on the mouse. Nobody knows why it's colder (somebody probably does), but it is, and it's annoying and unavoidable. I could go into more graphic detail about the cold hand, but I'll spare you all for now (Hint: the cold hand is the one that doesn't need to be washed after a quick viewing of 2girls1cup). I guess I didn't spare you, sucka!

Well, as I just proved, the future is coming sorta (it'll really be here when the cold-hand gets fixed), but are we sure that's such a good thing? The future is scary, what with global warming, the depletion of the O-Zone layer, the creation of super-bacteria, the population explosion, Iran with nukes, Kanye West doing something funny on live TV... the past just seems so much safer. To which I refer you to one of the best articles I've read in a while that really puts it in perspective, with a hat tip to the Dad. Via the HuffPo, Matt Ridley tells us to go Down with the Doom. We survived lots of shit before, and we'll certainly survive one Barack Obama presidency, so quit freaking out, racists (we survived Carter, right?).

Newsflash (to those who haven't been thinking critically for the past 50 years): Sorry Asians, you're not the right type of minority, and you don't count towards diversity. Nothing new to see here, just making sure you know that affirmative action works against you, good luck on your SATs. My advice to you is to learn how to do something unique (not unicycling, that's just gay) but useful, like inventing a tree made from money.

During my leave time, I had some great conversations about the most 'Mrrrkin guy in the world, who ironically was born in Ireland... yes, you already know who I'm speaking of: Liam Neeson aka Schindler, aka Taken aka Qui Gon Jin aka Aslan aka Ras Al-Ghul. His greatness needs no explanation; I once proclaimed that having sex with Liam Neeson isn't gay, THAT's how great he is. Taken was an awesome movie about beating up, torturing and maybe killing Arabs, Albanians, and the French all in the name of protecting your daughter's delicate, untouched flower. With a premise like that, you can't go wrong, right? Well the instaprophet linked to an old post about Taken today called "Taken: The World's Oldest Profession is Father." The article is pretty "meh" but the title reminded me of that episode of How I Met Your Mother when Barney posits that prostitution is the oldest profession. I figured, any link that can give me an excuse to talk about how much I love Taken and at the same time provide an opportunity to link that scene from HIMYM is a link worth linking to.

Lawyered! Well that'll do it for me today, but I'm back for good until further notice, so I hope you all come back to reading what I write and hopefully you enjoy it too (but if you don't, read it anyway because I like the traffic).

It's a Melting Pot, Not a Multi-Course Meal

Yesterday I wrote about divisive ethnic studies courses and one of my links wrote about Arizona's attempt to change the way ethnic studies courses are conducted. Here is a pretty thorough and reasonable defense of a law that sounds a bit extreme on first look. When I eat food, I don't like to mix the different food groups together; for example I don't like the steak to touch the potatoes or the green beans, and I pay special attention to keep them separate and distinct. I take a bite of the steak and then I take a bite of the green beans, but I never eat them together in the same bite. It's not a perfect analogy, but I liken this way of dining to the way ethnic studies courses encourage ethnic solidarity and animosity towards others who may be perceived as oppressors. This country was formerly known as a melting pot, where different cultures came together, mixed, and assimilated to American life. I honestly don't know if one way is more correct than another, but I was under the impression this place was supposed to be a melting pot where American identity was emphasized, not a multi-course meal where people are pigeon-holed into their respective 弱势团体 (oppressed groups). 

 Astonishing video account of an attack against Swedish cartoonist giving a presentation at a Swedish University, complete with English subtitles. I had seen a shorter version of the video a few days ago, but the full length one is much more compelling. I can't believe this takes place in a college, an institution where the exchange of ideas is supposed to take place. I implore you to watch the video to witness the barbarity displayed by the muslim protestors. Apparently there was also an attempt today to burn down his home. Now compare the cowardice of the school in shutting down the performance to the reaction of Comedy Central to threats. Our speech is increasingly being controlled and dictated by terror. Contrast all this with Comedy Central's anti-semitic online game and new series which will no doubt offend christians. I am not offended by either of these items, as I have a sense of humor and don't take these things seriously. What I am offended by is the fact that it's open season to shit on my religion, but even the slightest criticism of Islam is restricted. Maybe the healing between Islam and the West starts here at ground zero, where the damage was most severe. Quote:

"If the Japanese decided to open a cultural center across from Pearl Harbor, that would be insensitive," Sipos told me. "If the Germans opened a Bach choral society across from Auschwitz, even after all these years, that would be an insensitive setting. I have absolutely nothing against Islam. I just think: Why there?"

I was having a chat with my girlfriend today, and at some point learned that her landlord only rents to female tenants. I laughed, thinking she reserves that right as the landowner, and of course I understand why the landlord would have a policy like this. Females have a reputation for being neater, less rowdy, and more responsible in general with property that they're renting. Then I thought further, imagine a landlord that only would accept male tenants, and the lawsuits which would ensue. Now take it another step and imagine a landlord who only accepted white tenants. One might make the bigoted and misguided argument that since blacks commit more crime statistically, a landlord is justified in denying black tenants. There is no question that this is both illegal and immoral, so why is it any different to deny men from living somewhere? Obviously it sounds silly to complain about sexism towards males, but when you change the scenario, it becomes a lot clearer I think. The prejudice I shrugged off when I first heard of it sounds a lot worse when the aggrieved parties are women or minorities; in fact, I was guilty of anti-male prejudice myself, justifying her landlords position. I immediately thought about these statistics regarding the preponderance of females over males in higher education. Though I believe that correlation does not imply causation, these are troubling statistics, and maybe anti-male sexism isn't such a laughable though after all.

Then again, I haven't yet finished college (though I plan to) and maybe that's not such a bad thing. I know plenty of college graduates making way less than I do, and I know some that are in exactly my position (though not necessarily as good at their job as I am ;-) ). College isn't for everybody, just ask Bill Gates. You don't need to go to college to be successful, and according to our wonderful Speaker Mrs. Pelosi, you don't even need to be productive to survive anymore! Thanks for telling us how you really feel, Nancy. I'm glad my earned tax dollars are going to uphold somebody else's lifestyle who wants to pursue his or her passion. I'm just glad our huge government has so much competent oversight.

My father often likes to tell the story of how and when he knew my mom was the one he wanted to married. Here's the short version: My family has a long tradition of brand loyalty to Heinz Ketchup, which can be traced back to my grandfather. If I remember correctly, he once had a bottle of heinz that he thought tasted weird, so he wrote a letter to them and in response, they sent him a huge supply of ketchup. My father, taking after his father, smothers everything in ketchup, even a perfectly cooked ribeye (which is blasphemy in my book... blood is all the flavoring I need). My little brother used to eat Heinz out of a bowl with a spoon in his younger days. When my mom and dad started dating, they happened upon a time when they were out eating and for some reason, there was no heinz ketchup there. Luckily my mom, being the thrifty woman her mother raised her to be, had saved the little packets of Heinz ketchup that they give out at take-out restaurants in her pocketbook. My father often claims that this is when he knew that they would get married. I'm sure he'll be devastated to hear this news via Hotair. Nanny Bloomberg sure is a drag, on the other hand, he has been making moves to get rid of NYC's Rubber Rooms, which I was actually going to write about this week.

Via the Instaprophet, a fun little prank to play with your credit card company to make them your slave. Hilarious idea, but it's a lot more work than I'm willing to put in. Maybe I'll try it on a smaller scale.

I saw Kick-Ass the other day and it was indeed pretty kickass... and now I leave you with a hilarious video of local news (skip to 3:00 if you're lazy or strapped for time). The headline alone should make you laugh. (H/T: Hotair) Enjoy your saturday night!

They Took R Jerrrrrrbs!

Don't have much time to write today, but I have lots of good links to share! Below are some good links dealing with Arizona and Immigration.

I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't know what he's talking about in regard to immigration... Here's a really good article that reaches a different conclusion based on the same things I talked about yesterday. I've got to put some more thought into it, but it's really pretty reasonable. To finish it off, here's some fair and balanced reporting (and by fair and balanced, I mean right-of-center) on two of the most recent protest movements. Megyn Kelly is hot, and I'm inclined to agree with much of what they're talking about here.

Seems like the Arizona Immigration bill isn't the only example of recent police overreach...

 Attractive females who want to feel younger, you know what to do...

Just wrong...

Politicizing the public schools? Indoctrinating the chillunz? Nothing to see here... Deficit? What deficit? Don't you dare cut spending!

When it comes down to it, I don't worry about much. Que sera, sera. Lo que paso, paso... Really, all you can do is laugh. Seriously, laugh. Reduce your healthcare bill :-P. (h/t: Hotair)

Eat Poop, You Cat!

Today I am unveiling the Game. The Game, also known in some circles as "Eat Poop, You Cat" is a fun little exercise my co-workers and I take part in during our break time. The basic premise is that one person starts it off by writing a caption/statement on an index card, then hands the stack of index cards to the next person. The next person then draws a picture that goes with the caption, then hides the caption at the bottom of the stack so only the picture is visible, and then passes the stack to the next person who writes a caption, hides the picture and so on. It's hit or miss, and some people are less funny than others, but overall it's a fun game and I thought I'd post up some of our funnier results on the blog. So with that, I give you the first episode of Eat Poop, You Cat! Click the pic to make it bigger.

Caption: "... And Uncle Jimmy made me eat every last bit of it. I'll tell you what, it sure didn't taste like applesauce."

  -Picture courtesy of yours truly.

Caption: "The teenage boy was thinking of mayonnaise as he reached for the belt buckle of the dirty man in the flannel shirt, who was really excited."

Caption: "Johnny Rotten desperately needs some Miracle Whip NOW! Unfortunately, Paul Bunyan is the only man around... just look away and reach out."

It went on a little further than that, but my camera wouldn't take clear pictures and they weren't all that good to post anyway, so you get the basic idea. So today I was going to write a little about the whole wikileaks thing, but as I was getting into bed last night I caught Colbert doing an interview with Wikileaks' supposed founder. Colbert did a pretty decent job smacking him down, so I can only recommend watching the interview. 

I mentioned the dangers of political correctness yesterday, and sure enough today PC has claimed another life. Honestly, I'm not sure whether to attribute this to PC bullshit or to the guy being a retarded emo pussy (take that, political correctness). I'm leaning on the latter, but I'm not a scientist. 

Ironic headline of the day; maybe she's been celibate since the public discovered she has a dick. Don't worry GaGa, I'd still bone you, and I'd even give your fireman a tug <3. Non-Ironic albeit hilarious headline of the day: The Buenos Aires Redemption? I can hear Morgan Freeman narrating it now, "Andres DuFresnito lost me 20 pesos that night. He didn't cry even a little, mang." I wonder how widespread that practice is, honestly... I thought my lamb tasted a little... human-y the other night.

A sense of entitlement, brought to you by our buddies in the U.K.. I'd say they're in need of some sort of Tea-Party group, but then again they have tea parties every day in the afternoon. Not to mention the original Tea-Party was a big factor in what lost them all their most badass people (Clint Eastwood was a founding father, right?), maybe they don't want to conjure up memories of that. Tea party no good, maybe try Swingers Party, I'm sure a lot of middle aged white people would show up to that!