Don't be confused my gentile friends, tonight is New Years eve on the Jewish calender, tomorrow being the first day of year 5771. For those of you gentiles who doesn't know what a gentile is, it's a non-derogatory word for a non-jew. If I wanted to go derogatory I'd call you women shiksas and you boys shaygitz. Whatever, you're all goyum, so you don't have to worry about it. It's already 11:30 and I haven't had a chance to blog yet today so this is going to be a short post.
First, I'd like to reflect on Judaism's impact on mainstream culture. Without Jews, there'd be no Hip-hop, as we invented the du-rag (see: yarmulke aka skullcap), we started the whole saying "peace" as a greeting or farewell (Shalom!), and we've been challah-ing for thousands of years. Also add in the fact that Moses was hearing voices from a burning bush and it becomes pretty obvious what plant he was lit up on.
Also, without Jews, what music industry would be representing and selling the rappers? The other day, I thought I was a genius when I created a rap name for myself as "Dr. Dreidel," but I had my suspicions that somebody probably already thought of it, and a quick google search proved me right (to my disappointment). There's also Jewpac and the Jew Tang Clan. I particularly like the last one, because it's Jewish people pretending to be Black people pretending to be Chinese people. Your mind just got blown.
And for those of you who have problems with the Jews, you better stay in line because I know Jewjitsu, Kung Jew, and Jew-do. Jewjitsu involves crushing you with my wallet, Kung Jew utilizes the Jew gold as a flail with which to beat my foes, and Jew-do is when I sue your ass in court and take all the money! While we're doing stereotypes, a Jewish friend of mine from college is out here with her boyfriend, and the three of us met up with some of my friends, who remarked that we looked like a crest ad. Let's hope this one catches on: Jews have nice teeth!
Voter fraud in Houston and Philly yesterday, Kansas today? Well, it's not necessarily fraud, but it's at least at the level of "shady." In Kansas' defense, the article has no mention of ACORN, so maybe it's not fraud after all.
Tommy Christopher from Mediaite with what happens when you live-tweet your own heart-attack. He fell into the trap I always warn people about (the trap which many a hipster has fallen into). I am, of course, referring to what my brother says is the greatest point I ever made: "You can't live a joke." If it wasn't so late, I'd explain, but alas, you'll have to wait for another day. Perhaps I'll write a post just about that some time.
Civil Rights Defeat in NY's Long Island: Man Arrested For Brandishing Arms in the Defense of His Home. Ok, so he didn't just brandish a piece, he also fired some warning shots. Note that he obtained the weapon legally and, oh yeah, uh, 20 suspected MS-13 thugs were rushing his property. I believe this homeowner is correct though; The only way to battle MS-13 is with AK-47.
Democratic Congresswoman facing ethics charges was more involved in nepotism than she claimed. It wasn't enough that she ensured the scholarship would go to the institutions her family members were attending, she had to personally see that the money went directly to her family.
Monkeys acting like people.... No, you misunderstand, the monkeys are literally acting, as in, they are performing a role. Bangkok Monkey Shows (NOT like Tijuana Donkey Shows) H/T Hotair.com.
To all my Jewish friends and family, L'shana Tova (it just means happy Jew New Year, nothing serious. C'mon we all know I can't speak Hebrew).
Rihanna: Just gonna stand there and watch me burn - that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
I can't freaking stand that song anymore, they play it every three songs on half the radio stations out here. So yeah, I can't believe it, but I'm going to side with the Taliban on this one, at least in the case of that song by Rihanna and Eminem. I'm still angry at Chris Brown, because despite all his effort, he still couldn't shut that bitch up. Also, burn and hurts don't rhyme.
HSWTF (Holy Shit, What the Fuck): Esquire publishes Celestial Soul Portraits of Republican hopefuls. If this bunch is what the Republicans run in 2012, you're looking at a certain Viking who might vote third party (Iron Sheik's got my vote for his well documented positions on Hulk Hogan and Snookie). There's not a single potential candidate in that list that I like enough more than Obama to bother to vote for.
HSWTF: Isabella Rossellini's Green Porn, Bedbug Edition.
Bedbugs have been in the news a lot recently, so this one is pretty timely. Some of you may have seen highlights from this clip on the Daily Show.
Houston, Philadelphia hotbeds of voter fraud. Nothing to see here, move along now.
I knew it! Previously Held Beliefs on Learning Have No Base in Fact. Every time they tried to tell me what "kind of learner" I am, I thought it was a complete load of shit and an oversimplification regarding the most complex organ in the human body. I never bought into that crap, and finally, I have been vindicated!
Bombshell report: BBC Doesn't Understand the Tea Party. You don't say? Honestly, if they did understand the Tea Party they'd be lengths ahead of the American media.
Everybody who wants to smoke pot is already smoking pot. Pretty much, yeah. Except people in the military, who want to smoke pot but can't for the sake of their career. Not that I'm talking about myself or anything. Eh, even if pot was legal, it wouldn't be for military I suppose, and I don't know if I think it should be for Gov't workers anyway. Anyway read the article, it's a good read and re-hashes (pun intended) some good legalization arguments.
Above I mentioned that I would not vote for a single one of the Republicans that Esquire referred to as Presidential Hopefuls. Republicans, especially the ones mentioned, cannot be trusted any more than Democrats to take a serious look at our situation and attempt to fix things. My favorite trio, Chris Christie (New Jersey, Gov), Mitch Daniels (Indiana, Gov), and Paul Ryan (Wisconsin, Senator) are perhaps the only three politicians in the country who look at our economic situation seriously.
From Daniels' Wiki page: "In 2005, Governor Daniels led the state to its first balanced budget in eight years and turned the $600 million deficit he inherited into a $300 million surplus in a single year. Governor Daniels used this surplus to repay hundreds of millions of dollars the state had borrowed from Indiana's public schools in previous administrations." Then you take a look over at California or the Democratic Congress which can't even be bothered to DRAFT a budget. Daniels, in a breath of refreshing honesty, admits that the Republican establishment hasn't offered much that would garner public support for their party. That's what the establishment media and political parties don't understand, and that's why so many incumbent Republicans are facing primary challenges from political newcomers.
Chris Christie, faced with a $2.2 billion deficit, is undergoing the Herculean task of balancing that budget. We'll see how he fares with that, but he's a man who's doing what he believes needs to be done to accomplish this goal, and his video appearances are all pretty compelling. He speaks so candidly about the issues we face and his opponents who try to mischaracterize him that it's very refreshing. He's pretty Libertarian about his social issues too. Here's a new Christie video, where he sets a goal for himself to fix the problems within 107 days. Pretty ambitious I'd say, we'll see how he does when the day comes.
Jeffrey Goldberg gives a humanizing account of oppressive dictator, Fidel Castro. Some really interesting and unexpected stuff in there too, mainly his support for Israel and some regret for his role in the Cuban Missile Crisis. He even has some harsh words for Iran, and let me restate, he says some surprising things about Israel and Jews. Fidel Castro more moderate than Time Magazine?
I'll end today's post with a picture that represents part of the reason Americans are pissed off at the current administration. Note the sources.
If I had known the police force was this much fun, I would've looked into becoming a cop! That guy has a pretty terrible mustache though, and from that you can see that it's clear he could never cut it as an officer of the law. Seems like the other cops that arrested them watched it for a while, considering they reported seeing THREE different sexual acts followed by a threesome of... fondling.
Hey look, a midget! The shortest one in the world, at that.
Prof. William Jacobson gives us a look at the world's most... unexpected Toyota Pious. Seriously, I thought Prius' came from the factory with the Kerry/Edwards '04 and Obama/Biden '08 stickers attached... this car is some anomaly.
The other day when that Discovery hostage situation went down, I wrote about the different reactions from left and right. Glenn Reynolds wrote an article in the Washington Examiner which I believe to be written as satire on who is responsible for the hostage situation. I'm not 100% sure it's satire, as Glenn said he wasn't going to tell and "spoil the fun" but my first thought was, "this doesn't sound like Glenn, I can't believe he's really writing this," and then my second thought was, "oh, he got me, it's satire." When Patterico responded similarly to myself, Glenn took notice and put a poll on his site asking his readers what they thought (is it satire? serious? joking on the square?). Readers opinions were pretty split; I had to look up "joking on the square" to know what it meant, but it's basically when you're joking, but what you're saying is also kinda true. I hope it's satire, because that's exactly the type of article a lefty would write in response to violence from a right-wing nutjob.
Jammie Wearing Fool rips Code Pink (not like it's hard, but still) and reminds us all that many involved in the anti-war movement between 2000-2008 were simply playing partisan politics for the democrats they support. They flat out say it. At least Cindy Sheehan has beliefs and principles, nutty as they may be.
A certain Viking named Reed wishes he was born 800,000 years ago. The food was good and the women were sexy, and most importantly, clothing was optional ;). If only they had the medical technology of the Nubians, they'd be the perfect society. 2010 AD: Medical Marijuana. 250 AD: Medical Beer. Seems like they were way ahead of the times.
While on the topic of ancient technology that was way before it's time, here's a picture of an ancient virus protection device.
The Washington Examiner asks, "Why is the White House so obsessed with sex?" Maybe they'd have a clue if they weren't a bunch of virgins over there... Oh, wait, they mean "With unemployment at 9.6%, why is the White House obsessed with gender." Good question that we all know the answer to.
Jonah Goldberg has a great roundup of links (including the one I linked to about 800,000 year old society). A lot of good stuff in there, but too many for me to link 'em all when he's got it all neatly arranged for you there.
Some Navy news from the entertainment industry. "The one thing the Navy can never afford to ever do is allow that battle to be screwed up in any way by Hollywood." Don't let Hollywood film it then.
Here's a cool look at what screen technology might look like in 2014. I love the future.
Ok so I've got some new developments for the blog I'd like to say some words about. First and foremost, I have added my twitter feed to the right side of the blog, feel free to subscribe to me on twitter for blog updates and any other one-liners I might have. Second, I have created a facebook "page" for Reed the Viking; I'm trying to add a "Like" button to the blog itself, but I'm technologically retarded I guess, so it's not here yet. For now, you can just click this link to get to the official facebook page. As with twitter, I will post all blog updates to that page. I figure, it's the 21st century, so I have to have all these official social media set up so I can be a real person. I urge you to follow me both on facebook and on twitter, because it will bolster my ego (at least I'm honest, right?).
**UPDATE** I have figured out how to add the "Like" button to my blog, and it's now at the right side of the blog underneath the twitter feed. Be sure to "like" me, or else I'll cry.
Speaking of facebook, Tosh.0 brings us the "Facebook Status of the Week" which really shows how important punctuation is (H/T: Young Goobz)
Stephen Colbert often proves how multi-cultural he is by repeatedly referring to his "black friend Alan." Well, I too, have a black friend Alan, and thanks to him I can present you with this gem of a trailer (very not suitable for the faint of heart, children under 4 years old). I give you, Hobo With a Shotgun!
As if the title didn't suggest it would be the best movie ever, they decided to cast Rutger Hauer in the title role to make sure it would be the best movie ever. I've been a fan of Rutger Hauer since the first time I saw Ladyhawke as a young viking, and that love only grew when I saw his performance in the classic, Blade Runner. Appearing in Batman Begins was just the icing on the awesome Dutch cake. Rutger was born for this role, and I can't wait for the movie to come out. Some background info about the project at the link above.
2.5 Million British Men Are Too Fat to See Their Penis'. Part of me REALLY wants to comment, but I know the stats would be far worse for their American counterparts so I'm going to sit silent on this one. Hell, there's probably more than 2.5 million guys too fat to see their dicks in the gulf states alone. Maybe it's all the oil in their diet, HEYO! Too soon?
Japan has been replaced by Iraq as the country with the most cruel and ridiculous prank show. New Iraqi Prank Show: Plant Fake Bombs in Cars at Security Checkpoints. It's all fun and games until somebody blows a car up...
Unlike VDH, who I greatly respect, I do not miss Boooooooosh. Still, the comparisons are on point, and although I never bought the narrative about Obama (well, I admit I really liked him when I saw him in 2004 and didn't really know much about him; likewise, I was impressed with Palin until I started actually getting to know her), for those who do buy into the narrative Obama and the administration try to establish, this post might be illuminating.
NRO's Rich Lowry writes about the Revolt of the Bourgeois. He notes some interesting things, particularly how polite the Tea Party protests are in contrast to the wild, sometimes violent protests of the 60's. He even makes the claim that after the Beck rally, the Lincoln memorial was spotless because everybody cleaned up their trash. He boasts that there were no "orgiastic displays" at the Beck rally... and they wonder why the democrats clean up with the youngsters. Hint: we like orgiastic displays (as long as it's two or more women between the ages of 14-17 that are at least a 5 on the hotness scale). Liberal commentators make the Tea Party sound like an insidious, theocrat plot while conservative commentators make the Tea Party sound like a boring bunch of respectful people sitting around listening to speeches. So while I stand for maybe 75% of the same principals that the Tea Party stands for, I still don't think I could ever go to their events. On the other hand, I'd go to a liberal event (see: Taping of the Daily Show). Guess who lost the culture war?
My newest Cause Du Jour (that's European for "Cause of the Day"), inspired by... Jimmy Carter?: Legalize Moonshine! I'm a big fan of the phrase "legalize it," whether it is referring to pot, prostitution, organ sale, non race-based slavery, revenge murder, or jay walking. Now I have a new one to add to the list, thanks to the guys at Reason and Hotair for bringing it to my attention.
Just because the Republican Party has been having tons of minorities run for office does not necessarily mean that they are more open minded; identity politics have been working for the Democrats since the 60's and the Republicans have seen how it works. On the other hand, the fact that Republican and Tea Party voters are willing to vote for minorities of every color does lead me to believe that they legitimately do not care about race and are willing to vote for anybody with the same principals as they have. That is one reason the racist charge doesn't make sense to anybody who actually pays attention (another reason is the dearth of evidence in favor of the racism charge). Just off the top of my head I can think of a bunch of Tea Party favorites who are minorities: Marco Rubio (Cuban), Nikki Haley (Indian), Lt. Col. (Retired) Allen West (Black). I personally find them too socially conservative for my liking, and I personally like Chris Christie, Mitch Daniels and Paul Ryan best out of anybody in the political arena right now.
Now I can add this Cambodian immigrant, Sam Meas, who has a remarkable and horrifying history, to the list of 'unconventional' Republican candidates. Again, he sounds a little bit crazy to me, especially with his Paulian "audit the fed" bit and his near comparisons of Obama to the Khmer Rouge, but I bring your attention to him not to promote him or his politics, but to further put to rest the obsolete narrative that claims Republicans are the party of the rich, elitist, yacht club white man. The list of the 50 richest congressmen just came out, and 27 were Democrat and 23 were Republican. What this doesn't mean is that Democrats are the party of the rich. What this DOES mean is that BOTH parties are, and that having money, just like arrogance, racism, and corporate bedding are not solely the domain of one political party. Neither is corruption, as the Republicans were tainted during the Bush years, a bunch of high ranking democrats have had ethics charges leveled against them.
News you can use: How To Make Mormon Porn (mostly safe for work), complete with some examples. It's surprisingly sexier than I expected, believe it or not.
Also from Izismile, some funny pictures to close out this work week.
I didn't post yesterday, so I've got lots of great news to write about today!
I always had a little bit of an issue with the current Iranian regime, particularly due to their feelings towards the jooooz. But then, lots of people hate the jooooz, so there was no reason to get fired up about it... that is, until now. Iranian Newspaper: "Carla Bruni is a Whore Who Should Be Killed." Sick fucks, you leave my Carla alone! This is not the way to win hearts and minds in the international community, which everybody knows is what Iran has been trying to do with the election of Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket.
I'm not the only guy (hardly) who likes a large bust. From Glenn, Quote of the Day: "I want it just like her but with bigger boobs." Classic stuff right there. Anybody who's spent 15 minutes in conversation with me knows that I can't wait for lifelike sex-dolls. I want them to be completely customizable so when I'm in the mood to free willie, I can pack on her pounds, or when I'm trying to get my King Kong on, I can get me a jungle girl. For all other times, Salma Hayek in Desperado will do just fine.
Maybe I could do without the sexbots if I sign up for this dating site. 64% of Young Woman on Dating Site Would Make Sex Tape to Get Ahead. 45% said they'd bone their teacher for better grades, which makes me think I went into the wrong field. Where can I find these girls!?
So far I've talked about a lot of TnA (that's Tits 'n Ass for all readers over 50 [Mom, Dad]), but aside from a nice juicy woman, I also appreciate other kinds of meat, namely, the red kind. In fact, if a woman's face was replaced with a steak (ok, you can keep her mouth there, but everything else is ribeye!) I'd be much more inclined to pay her some attention up there. But I digress; red meat is the best food and everybody knows it, so most people don't bother to advertise a product that sells itself. But most people are not Australian, so here's an advertisement from Australia for meat. And it's even better than it sounds, if that's even possible. H/T to my padre, and here's the link I saw it on at bookworm room.
Meat! Meat! Meat! And what goes better to wash down a nice steak than the Jew's Ear Juice?
Perhaps I'm missing something, but the way I'd translate that product is, "Black wood ear dew," which makes almost as much sense. Actually, inside the link they explain the translation and what the drink really is, but honestly, it's funnier if you don't know. The important thing is that it's "quality Jew's ear selected from Changbai Mountain." Gotta give the H/T to Dad again here, who seems to do more work for my blog than I do, doesn't he?
So now we've got TnA, Steak, and Jew Ear... what is this post missing? GUNS! While this post is no longer missing guns, it seems like the U.S. soon might be lacking the great equalizers. Obama Import Ban on Rifles Confirmed. That dirty stinky sekrit moslam kommanyst! THEY TOOK RRR GUNZ! Git r done? Admission: The Author of this post does not know what the hell "Git r done" means, if Larry the Cable Guy is reading this post, please enlighten me in the comments section. Also, please stop appearing on T.V., buy some sleeves, and apologize to your countrymen for everything you've ever done. Thank you.
This morning, while getting a haircut that adheres to military regulations (well, Navy regs, which is basically no ponytails), when I saw on the news that an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico exploded. "Huh", I thought, "the news doesn't usually run re-runs, does it?" Turns out, another rig exploded. Somebody really doesn't like that gulf.
Eco-terrizt takes Discovery Channel hostage, then is shot dead by the po-po. When a crazy person with right wing views does something crazy (i.e. bomb and abortion clinic), the Republican party gets blamed by the left, and the righties claim it was just a crazy person being crazy. When a crazy lefty does something crazy, the left blames the Republicans and then, when it is discovered that a lefty committed the crime, the left claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. The right also claims it was just a crazy person being crazy. I think it is fair to say the reason this phenomenon exists is because the conservatives, and even moreso the libertarians hold people responsible for their own behavior. Liberals, on the other hand, love to play the victim card (maybe that's why joooz are libs?) and say, "this little hoodlum was forced into a life of crime because of abject poverty" or "these angry terrizts are only killing us because of U.S. imperialism," and so on. Poverty, believe it or not, does not equal crime. I hate to pull a Tom Friedman and say, "I wish we were more like China," but if you were to go to a dirt poor village in China, you'd be safer than most cities in the U.S. And they make like, a hundred dollars a year out there.
Jimmy Carter Advisor: "Democrats used to be the voice of the common man in America, not his dictator. Harsh words.
As if being trapped in a mine til Christmas wasn't bad enough: Trapped Miner's Wife Meets His Mistress at Vigil. Now he's going to have to listen to her nag on top of it all, just kill yourself now buddy.
I guess I should be more sensitive, after all, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. And while we're admitting things, I'll admit that I always thought BBC stood for Big Black Cock. I guess that's what I get for trolling streaming porn sites. Streaming porn sites are killing porn as we know it... does that mean I'm contributing to the death of a loved one? NOOOOO!!!!!
Video of an awesome baseball fight between the Marlins and the Nat'ls (I am not sure what that stands for... Naturals I think? Because none of them use steroids). Volstad looks pretty gangsta when he gets charged, but that clothesline from Sanchez was definitely a beastly move.
The other day I wrote about my grandfather and his excursion to the art museum with my grandmother. That prompted my father to send me an email about the most modern art ever, art so modern it hasn't even been created yet! David Thompson does a pretty great job with that, so click the link and read what he has to say about it.
False accusations for domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment should carry charges equal to the amount of jail time the "perpetrator" would get had he/she been convicted of the crime. Everybody knows that in cases of domestic abuse, rape, and sexual harassment, you're guilty until proven innocent.
"In fact, if you look at a Marxist Utopia — say, Cuba — what you’ll see is basically a plantation. At the top, you’ve got the Massa and his family — Fidel, Raul, et al. — followed by various layers of overseers — the Communist Party apparat, the secret police — and House Negroes — e.g., the state-controlled media — all living off the surplus labor of the Field Negroes, whose produce is disposed of not according to their own desires (that would be capitalism!) but according to their betters’. This, we’re told, is for the best, since they aren’t smart enough to make their own decisions anyway, and the Massa looks after them with food, housing, and health care. Slaveholders even defended their system as more humane and less exploitative than atomistic capitalism, conveniently ignoring the role of the lash, just as apologists for Marxism conveniently ignore the role of the gulag."
I've been in the Navy 2 years (in a few days) and so far, I'm very pleased with my decision. I have everything I wanted from them, and in return, I'm giving them 6 years of dedicated service. Fair deal in my mind. The good days in the Navy far outweigh the bad, and are much MUCH more frequent. However, sometimes bad days happen, and they suck really bad. It's inevitable, and it's just something we have to deal with it. Today was a bad day (although on the scale of Navy bad days, this one wasn't really that bad), and I'm in a shit mood and just got home and don't feel like blogging today so I'm taking the night off. I'll be back as normal tomorrow. Sorry for any inconvenience my pissy mood has caused, I know you all depend on me for your latest fart news and erotic animal pictures. You're just going to have to deal without them for one day. See you tomorrow.
**UPDATE**
Ok, I felt bad leaving you without anything fun to look at, so here is a link to a few pictures of Hipster Dinosaurs. I would just upload the pictures, but when I try to save them, I get a file called "Bigfatdick.gif" that is ironically, a picture of nothing at all. Try it yourself and see.
Also, the trailer you've all been waiting for... the epic, "Oregon Trail."
