Reed the Viking

George Bush Hates Broccoli and Look at the Monkeys!

Then: The Instaprophet foretold the future in his blogposts.

Now: Reed the Vikingprophet has foretold the future. I now take pleasure in presenting to you, NBC's article about the 3D Porn industry!

Speaking of prophets, this ironic Russian prophet saw the future a little too clearly: Russian man jailed for assaulting fortune teller who predicted he would be jailed. The most outrageous part of it, in my 'Mrrkin opinion, is that this fucker only got 22 years for stabbing two people to death. Question of the day: Did the fortune teller predict this man's future, or did she compel him to commit murder with her mind powers, thus ensuring a correct prediction and winning lots of publicity as a good psychic. She is a gypsy, so keep that in mind. Also, note that she was not seriously injured in the spree. I'm leaning towards theory #2.

The 20 Awesomest Monkeys. Let me just stress to you how freakin' awesome that article is. It's incredible! I wanted to embed the video for the first one I saw, but then I realized that the other 19 were arguably even better. My vote for most hilarious goes out to the monkey who pees in his own mouth. My vote for coolest monkey employee goes to the two monkeys who work at that japanese restaurant. My vote for monkey with my largest balls goes out to the monkey who fucked with that family of tigers. Go to this site and watch them all, thank me later. (H/T: Dr. Ago)

Also courtesy of the Dr. Ago is the Top 10 Worst Bear Grylls Meals. To be expected, it's incredibly disgusting, but like a train wreck, you just can't stop watching.

Arguably more rare than an actual unicorn: Iranian Jew in the IDF. Seriously an incredible and unimaginable story of courage.

Tammy Bruce, whoever that is, nails a bunch of hypocritical "feminists" at Emily's List (not as sexy as that sounds). Apparently,  Emily's List's definition of feminism isn't advancing the cause of women's rights, but like so many other special interest lobby groups (LGBT, NAACP, NAMBLA), their mission is to advance the cause of the democratic party.

I would come up with something witty to say about this article, but I like the headline that Allahpundit gave to it: Billionaire runs out of things to do with his money. A million dollars just ain't what it used to be, so sadly, it's probably not worth fucking up your career over. Sorry, Mr. Billionaire, but I'm not going to take that deal.

I'm currently in the process of finding a house to rent. I know that I have renter's insurance, but how would that cover something like this? Now that they've ended apartheid, I wonder if some of those babies are white paired with black bums, and if some are black paired with white bums. That'd make for some hopeful imagery.

Some mosque commentary from some more muslims. I'm honestly tired of the whole conversation. They have a legal right to do it, and they're assholes for it. I support their legal rights, I do not support the Cordoba Initiative. If they were about mending relationships, they've obviously done the opposite and if they were serious about it, they would have been sensitive when they realized that they were ruining relationships. It's all been said, this is all very tired, so here are the links. Al-Arabiya (no relation to Al-Qaeda) Abdul Rahman Al-Rashid puts in his two cents. M. Zuhdi Jasser, a formal naval officer and doctor also responds.

Second-Class Americans: How the Left Helps Create the Right it Fears and Despises. I don't know if I necessarily agree with the dichotomy Ross Douthat categorizes Americans into, but I certainly agree with his (and James Poulos') claim of how the left views the right. To a lot of those on the left, the right is the enemy more than the actual enemy.

Armless Chinese Guy Plays Piano With His Feet on China's Got Talent. I especially liked it cause I got to practice my Chinese skillz. It's pretty good, but I've seen like, 3 year olds play better songs on youtube. So what if he's using his feet, he played a song that sounded pretty simple. If you're going to go on a talent show and play music, you have to play Freebird. Question: How does he use the foot pedals? Seriously though, this is why China's going to kick ass in the future... I mean, they've got 1.4 billion people, if only one in a million of them is absolutely brilliant, then they've got like, 1,400 absolutely brilliant people! Actually, that doesn't sound that impressive, never mind.

Using Google to find out who hates what. This is pretty funny. Among the most commonly hated are the Jews, Black people, Muslims and America. Fun fact: George Bush hates broccoli.

Some tips for girls on how to be a good hook-up. I particularly like the bit of knowledge, "make sure you don't leave lookin' like a busted ho." What if you are, in fact, a buste ho? Not very good advice I guess.

Steep drop in circumcision in the U.S. Is this proof that anti-semitism is on the rise? Oh well, sucks to be those gentiles, everybody knows the mushroom-tip leaves a better imprint on the face after you give her a good cock-slap. Or my personal favorite, the Danza-slap (cock-slap, but afterwards you ask her "Who's the Boss"... it's Tony Danza in case you were unaware). But seriously, I feel sorry for all those lil' babies with their little baby anteater peckers. They've got to deal with the dreaded and mystical smegma.

Noted Sci-fi author hates big government. The article happens to be talking about Ray Bradbury, but it could well be a great number of awesome sci-fi writers. I loved his Martian Chronicles when I was a kid.

I haven't posted a picture of a scantily clad beauty in a while, so here's one that's beautiful, scantily clad, and relevent to the post. Enjoy!

Damnit, NPH is Taken

Neil Patrick Harris and his lover dude are expecting twins... I'm just sad that he's in a committed relationship because A.) that means I have no shot and B.) it kinda messes up the perception of him that he's been cultivating for 5 seasons of How I Met Your Mother. I heard NPH on the radio the other day doing awareness commercials for some disease. Congrats NPH/Dr. Horrible/Barney, you are the greatest.

Second look at American cars? Chrysler truck comes with built in gun-rack.

What we've all been waiting for: Warning Labels on Newspapers. Warning: This Article Contains Ignorance of History, Hard <Left/Right> Bias, and No Nudy Pics. Truly a brilliant idea.

Clouds Can Communicate, Scientists Say. I guess that puts them a step above Congress. I like the caption under the picture of those clouds at the link. It literally says, "Cumulus clouds swell in a blue sky. What might they be saying to each other?" And they wonder why Comedy Central makes fun of them daily from 10:00-11:00. They're clouds, Fox, maybe they're talking about the weather. The headline talks about scientists, but I think they might just mean a little kid in his dad's shirt (also known in the professional art world as a smock).

My mommy says clouds communicate, and the thunder is what happens when they argue!

Being a gimpy retard in England doesn't sound so bad. Taxpayer dollars used on lapdances and hookers for disabled and elderly. Sometimes, I wish I were disadvantaged so I could reap the benefits of legislation passed by guilt-ridden privileged white people.

I would have paid to be the officer who arrested this "criminal." Italian woman arrested for sensuously applying her sun screen to her naked bosom. On second thought, considering she's Italian, I wouldn't want her in my patrol car seeing as they haven't heard of deodorant over there yet. Someday Europe, you will learn.

No doubt the guido sensation is getting a lot of press now due to Jersey Shore, but the truth of the matter is, those tools have been around (and subsequently marginalized) for almost 20 years now. They were played out when I was in High School, and they're not getting any cooler. Guidos, however, are a non-issue in NY's utter tool heirarchy (unless you make the mistake of going across the G.W. into Jersey, or stepping foot onto that awful island off Manhattan [Long Island or Staten Island, take your pick]). The most irritating NY personality is that which we call the Hipster, found primarily in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I am not here to give you an introduction to Hipsters, so if you are not sure what one is, I suggest you do your own research or look at these pictures. I mention hipsters because of this hilarious girl's video of her "confessions of a hipster." It's so spot on, I can't be sure she's not actually a hipster who is being ultra-ironic by making fun of hipsters, thus making her the hippest. (H/T: Batman)

Good thing I speak the lingo, suckas! I'm prepared... China is going to kick ass in science and research. We'll see how many articles about talking clouds come out of the east.

Forgive me for paraphrasing. Obama: "Hey Turkey, don't be a fuckin' dick." Good job, sir.

Strange Bedfellows: Israel and Saudi Arabia coordinating against Iran? It's like that time Clark Kent teamed up with Kryptonite to defeat Dennis Rodman (admission: I don't read comics).

Here's a quiz made by The Rebel Economist who goes on the street to tell people about a government program, and then asks whether it's real or made up. It's a testament to how shitty our congress is that I wasn't surprised by a single answer. (H/T: Hotair.com)

Only in America (H/T: Instapundit) - "this was a quintessential American wedding. A handsome Marine marries a beautiful Iraqi woman who is led down the aisle by two old Jewish guys." America, fuck yeah!

VDH comments about the same American tolerance shown in the above quote (H/T: Instapundit) - "This is the most tolerant society in the world, the most multiracial and richest in religious diversity — and the most critical of its exceptional tolerance and the most lax in pointing out the intolerance of the least diverse and liberal." It's a really good article, worth reading the whole thing (it's pretty short).

To contrast the above two links, I'll give you this article about angry racist teapartiers specifically targeting hispanics in race-based attacks. Oops, did I say teapartiers? I meant "young black men."

Seeing as the battle for gay rights is drawing to a close, the LGBT lobby groups have to find something to get angry about to stay relevent. LGBT groups criticize drug that has a side-effect of lowering chances the user will be homosexual. I would probably agree with them if a drug was made who's purpose was to make gay people turn heterosexual, but this is a drug created with the purpose of fixing a birth defect (not homosexuality, smartass) in the user's womb. Like I said, they must be just starving for attention if this is the crusade they're going on.

More medical madness: The Whooping Cough is back! It's always been one of my favorite illnesses, and I was formerly sad that it couldn't be listed as a cause of death anymore, but it's back! Thanks Jenny McCarthy, you obtuse hag. Jenny McCarthy has been urging parents not to get their children vaccinated because "it could cause autism." That sounds like one of those unfounded rumors that I make up on a daily basis. From a doctor in the article: "The good news is — we have a large body of information now to show zero association between vaccines and autism." Parents, vaccinate your kids... on second thought, do what you want, I'm homeschooling my vikinglings and they're going to have some really odd beliefs about Owen Wilson's nose.

Somebody call Chris Christie: Teachers Union calls for boycott of the LA Times because the times wants accountability. Ed does a good job with this one, so click the link and I'll leave it to him.

I believe it was Jeff Goldblum aka Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park who said, "nature always finds a way." If a man is meant to ride the roads, taking away his car won't stop him. 4th DUI awarded to drunk man driving lawnmower in the street. So much for 3 strikes you're out. He was driving east in the westbound lane with no lights. Unfortuantely he does not have a mullet, but his mugshot is still pretty good. He looks like a methed up William Forsythe, no?

The Race Card is Maxed Out

Having any doubts about Turkey's relationship with the West? If not, now might be a good time to start. Turkey and Iran are rumored to be helping Hezbollah to obtain weapons. The same Hezbollah that was informed that the U.N. would indict some of their members for the 2005 assassination of Lebanese PM Rafik Hariri. The same Hezbollah that has blamed Israel for the assassination. I didn't write about it when I read a few articles about it a few days ago, but in case you were unaware, the Lebanese military ambushed and murdered a high ranking (Lt. Col.) in the Israeli army. Scary stuff...

The Daily Show, much like Reed the Viking, seems to have noticed that the race card is maxed out. (H/T: Instapundit)

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Race Card Is Maxed Out
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Thought experiment: What would happen if the world stopped spinning? I sincerely hope that Keanu Reeves would play an integral role. (H/T: My bff Dr. Ago)

I'm a big fan of the show Psych, so I'm curious, is this the Australian edition of the show? "The Land Down (six feet) Under". That was my attempt at a clever psych name for the case. It's better than the other ones I was thinking of (The Murder of JonG'day Ramsey, being one example). The sad part? I forgot JonBenet Ramsey's name, so I literally had to google "little girl murder" and when that brought up too many results, I had to add the word famous to it. Guess who's on the FBI's red flag list now!

Example of how NOT to propose to your girlfrend.

Retarded war on drugs in Texas: 20 year old could get life sentence for half an ounce of medical marijuana (from his prescription in Cali) and some hash. The hilarious part is that those assholes appraised the weed at $2,400 ($171 a gram). I haven't been in college since 2008, but even with high inflation, a gram of weed couldn't possibly cost more than 25 bucks these days. Half an ounce? If it's the best weed evah, maybe $300-$400? Texas, you might be cool about guns, but this is ridiculous. It's settled, Texas isn't even in consideration anymore. In light of awesome political campaign ads and ease of getting a gun, I'm moving to Alabama (hopefully my kids will talk like Forrie Gump). In the cops' defense, that kid does look like a filthy hippie.

I've always known women to cheat more on their men than the other way around, and research has found that their flings are more emotionally invested. So why do men get caught more often when the statistics show that women cheat at least as much? Because we're dumb? I don't buy it, I think cheating men subconsciously feel guilty and want their loved ones to find out. Or they're dumb.

Apparently, mentioning BP donations to Obama is a partisan attack... D.C. Reporter suspended for reporting BP donations to Obama. Well, Obama does represent the party of the little guy, not like the rich big-wig fat cat Republicans who are all corporate and the corporations lobby and money and cars rich capitalism bad corporation ruin environment evil haliburton Dick Cheney Hitler. Newsflash: in March 2009, 70% of Wall Street political donations went to Democrats. Note, I do not mean this as a negative thing, I don't thing Wall Street donations are necessarily evil at all. The only reason I mention it is because the Dems like to employ class warfare and rail against the corporations and Wall Street, but they're no less corporate than the Republicans. The rhetoric is all there, but they pull the same shit. The article also mentions that Wall Street would love Chris Christie for Prez. They must read my blog down there.

Ace of Spades has a great post about The "Neutral Story Line" and "Guess That Party." It's long, and it's not news to me, but it's well written and really shows how the media reacts to the same story when it crops up for Democrats as opposed to Republicans. It's a predictable game to those who pay attention, but if you only read the NYT/WaPo and watch CNN, I wouldn't be surprised if it's new to you.

Paul Krugman called Paul Ryan a "fraud that makes no useful contribution to the debate over America's fiscal future." That's some useful contribution Krugman makes to the debate, demagoging (note: I don't know what demagogery really is, but it's fun to say) somebody who actually mapped out a detailed plan to fix our fiscal house. If he hadn't come up with a plan, I'm sure the meme would be, "Republicans are complaining about our financial situation whilst contributing no useful ideas for solving the issue." It's some sort of win-win situation for Republicans, where instead of winning no matter what they do, they lose. Off-Topic: Politicians are like Aliens Vs. Predator... Whoever wins, we lose. I tend to think Republicans are Aliens, because they're obviously sexist with the way they try to ruin Ripley's career. At least Paul Ryan is being honest with the problems we're facing; everybody talks about cuts, but he's actually detailed WHAT to cut. And for this, he's called a fraud. I think Paul Krugman also said that Ryan was abused by his uncle as a child, and thus, is damaged goods. Also, Ryan eats babies. Dems used to be the ones who didn't trust the gov't, who fought the man. Now, with Christie and Ryan kicking ass and sticking it to the man, the true punks are all Republicans. Yeah, Paul Ryan is so punk rawk.

From Are We Lumberjacks, an interesting look on the most energy and space efficient modes of transportation.

One time during my training, I was out at the coffee shop during break and chatting with my friends. I was joking and talking about my "lessons" learned in the Navy. Mainly, that their core values of Honor, Courage, and Commitment were discouraged because you get penalized for being honorable, courageous, and committed. They'll tell you to do the right thing, and then the right thing will totally fuck you over. I was talking about this at the coffee shop and I jokingly said something to the effect of, "The Navy has taught me that when you see something wrong happening, close your eyes, leave, pretend you never saw anything, and never tell anybody." Standing a few feet from me was a little asian woman in civilian clothes who looked pretty pissed and asked if that was really what I thought. I later found out she was a Marine Captain. What does this story have to do with anything? Hero Postmaster who tried to stop armed robbers, getting injured in the process, is being fined thousands of pounds. It's like life is emulating The Incredibles, where doing the right thing gets you punished. I guess it makes guys like me who do the right thing all the more impressive, but one can't help feeling like a chump sometimes.

From Break.com, a gallery of ironic t-shirts in mugshot pictures. It's hit or miss, but some are damn great. Here's one of my favorites, the Break caption being "Not yet, Buddy":

Exit quotes from Kenny Powers' twitter:

"Working on my prostitution memoirs "Eat Pray Bone."

"Losers are just morons who don't have the balls to cheat" That ties into what I was just saying!

Exit question from Alex Baze's twitter:

"Who did the guy running against Hitler compare him to?"

Exit question from Reed the Viking:

"Who the fuck is Alex Baze?"

Why They Call It The Silver Screen

As somebody who constantly makes things up (see yesterday's post about Owen Wilson's nose conspiracy), I feel not anger, but respect for this young woman. You got me, and if I was an insecure man, I'd go edit yesterday's post to make it seem like I knew your little "using white board to quit job" routine was a hoax. But I'm not insecure (please don't go check to see if I edited it, I didn't I swear). Apparently she's just a hot actress, once more confirming that attractive women in real life are either poppin' out babies at home like they should, or whoring it out in Hollywood. Don't fall prey to the myth that attractive women actually get jobs and do work, please.

Speaking of acting, the legendary James Caan of Bottle Rocket fame is one of those rare Hollywood conservatives. Never heard of Bottle Rocket? Ok, how about James Caan of Bulletproof fame? No takers? I think he was in the Godfather, I don't know if you've heard of that one. Whatever, Bottle Rocket's James Caan is a smart man, not because he's not a liberal, but because of this:

"Caan, who was at the event promoting his involvement with the online platform Openfilm.com, also added that he doesn’t think Hollywood actors need to comment on every single political issue. "I don't want to comment on that. I'll let those other geniuses do that – all those actors who like to find a stage to push their agendas," he said. "They don't have political science degrees... I certainly don't. I'll leave it to Sean Penn or Barbara Streisand to comment on that.""

Damned straight. I hate listening to these assholes lecture about whatever the trendy cause of the week is. Perhaps they don't understand why it's called the silver screen. Silver tarnishes easily, it kinda sucks and gets awarded to second place. The celebrities of Hollywood are celebrities of the silver screen, because their importance to the world is secondary to that of people who are important in real life. That said, Rip Torn: Great actor or greatest actor? He played the best dodgeball coach of all time, but his character in Dodgeball can't compare to himself in real life. Apparently, he drunkenly broke into a bank he thought was his home while armed with a gun. This happened last year, at age 78. Bless him.

Now let me turn my sights to dumb musicians (if the two people I'm going to rail against can even be considered that). Katy Perry, I feel wrong to shit on you because it's just so easy, but the California Girls Gurls song is one of the worst things I've ever heard. I lived in California for two years, there were cute girls and ugly girls, just like anywhere else. You girls aren't special, if anything, many of you are vapid, flaky messes with inflated egos for G-d knows why. To be fair, the guys are similarly lame; lame is probably the best word to describe Cali culture. Tool is a good one to describe Cali people. Ok, I'm sorry to whatever Cali readers I have, you're not all bad, but if she's going to generalize the good, I'm going to generalize the bad. So Katy, you're both forgettable and deniable, and the hottest girls in your state are most likely from other states, or Asia on student visa. When The Beach Boys sang California Girls, I thought it was ok because they were complementing the ladies, but for you to sing a song about yourself like that... could it get any more self-centered?

Unfortunately, yes it can, and that brings us to number two, Travis (Travie now, apparently) McCoy. Your billionaire song is the whiniest, self-pityingest (I made up another word!) piece of garbage I've ever heard. It's more whiny and self-pitying than "Why don't girls date me, what did I do to deserve this, when will mom let me move out?" by <insert name of Jewish comedian here>. The lyrics, "I want to be a billionaire, so freakin bad" pain me every time I hear them. I hate to sound like a commie, but somebody who money is that important to kind of makes me sick. He wants to be "on the cover of Forbes magazine, smiling next to Oprah and the Queen." Well, Travie, how about working for that money? Instead of whining about how bad you want to be a billionaire, start a business or invest in one. Oprah is a self-made woman; granted the Queen is just a lucky asshole, but most billionaires don't get there by whining about how much they want to be one, and how if they were one they'd help the world be a better place. They are men of action (lies do not become them), so get a real job you hippie and grow up, TraviS. Your song is gay.

Ok, now onto real men. From Dad, Badass of the Week Fridtjof Nansen. Note that he's a viking like me.

Real musician Ian Anderson and Jethro Tull play show in Israel, despite pressure to join artist boycott of Israel. I love Tull, have since I can remember, and Bouree is always a fun one to whistle, but this live version performed in Israel has the added bonus of a mid-song Hatikva break. Stand Up and Benefit still remain two of my favorite albums of all time, check 'em out if you've never heard 'em. Lucky dad of mine got to see them in concert like a month ago, I'm very jealous.

Identity politics, the lifeblood of the democratic party: Harry Reid, "If you're a hispanic and you vote Republican, you're Polpot and Casto's demon-spawn son, Polsto... or Caspot if there's more than one of you." Cuban Republican Marco Rubio's response also in the link, but if you don't want to click, I'll let you know that Rubio called Reid a "cockaroach" and told him to "fuck Gaspar Gomez and fuck the fucking Diaz brothers." His representatives were unavailable for comment.

Sex, much like alcohol, can do anything: Sex makes you more beautiful. So are hot people attractive because they get laid, or do they get laid because they're attractive, and thus get hotter, facilitating their sexual conquests? Viscious cycle.

Patriotism is now offensive: You can't sing the national anthem here, this is the Lincoln Memorial! Apparently singing the national anthem is a political "demonstration."

California 1.9 billion in the red after ONE MONTH of new fiscal year. Maybe if they gave the money to Travie McCoy they'd be in a better spot, anything is better than giving money to Sacramento to spend. It's not tax revenue that's indebted us, it's spending. I wonder, Katy Perry, how are you California gurls gonna look when you're all broke?

Buffalo, New York was once the 14th fattest city in the world. One man, trying to lose weight by eating leaner meats, had his efforts foiled by the law. NY Police Find Live Cat Marinating in Car Trunk. Cats are evil, disgusting animals, not to be confused with their cute, awesome relatives, the Lolcat.

My second or third post ever on this blog was a piece of history about myself, my father, and camping. Thankfully, he was a little better than these guys (H/T also goes out to my dad, from one of my favorite blogs, Are We Lumberjacks):

EMBED-Two Guys Too Wasted To Set Up Tents - Watch more free videos

I leave you with a reminder to find me an adult sized alligator shirt. My father's good friend went on vacation, and being the vigilant man that he is, he found a shirt, but alas, it was not made for adults. Here are the pictures he took so you know what to look for.

Oyster Herpes, Ways To Quit Your Job, and Ground Queero

Lots of stuff to link today, and for some, the headlines just speak for themselves so I'll let them do that.

Shaq is really a 12 year old girl named Tanya.

Latest Adverse Effect of Global Warming: Oyster Herpes. Not kidding, not even a little bit.

Judge Grants Bail for Angry Flight Attendent (the one mentioned in yesterday's post).

Best Way to Quit Your Job. She really is a HPOA.

Paul Ryan again makes Paul Krugman look like a partisan hack.

Yesterday Medicare's chief actuary said that it's a failure. Today we find out Social Security is a ponzi scheme (something a certain Viking has been saying for years).

Somebody just give her some damn nuggets before she burns this motherfucker down (video below). There's no sound, so click the link to get some background and then watch.

Winning hearts and minds, healing the world from the terror that was Bush/Cheney '00-'08... Tell me, sir, is this the hope or is it the change? Iran digs mass graves for future U.S. troops. Honestly, Iran digging mass graves for 'Mrrkin troops is like the Giants selling Superbowl XLII Champion T-shirts on February 2nd, 2008 (mom's birthday, happy birthday 2008 Mom). Oh... wait, maybe that's not a good analogy.

SecDef to Cut Spending at the Pentagon. This is potentially a good thing, if they make prudent budgeting decisions. It'd be laughably ignorant to argue that there's no good places to cut defense spending without harming national security. There are plenty of places to hit us, and as long as they hit us in reasonable places, I'm happy. But by G-d if you cut my pay, congress, I'll fucking shit everywhere! And give me more bonuses, allowances, and double my G.I. bill. Thanks in advance!

Instead of cutting services, why not pay gov't employees less (but I'll SHIT EVERYWHERE!)? Not a bad idea, honestly. Even Gawker has complained about gov't salaries, saying "only government bloodsuckers made more money last year."

Noted man with feminine first name who rubs one out each time Obama speaks criticizes Obama... what is going on here? Don't blow up his spot, Dana! I legitimately didn't know that Obama has played double the amount of golf in 2 years as W. did in 8. Who's side are you working for anyway?! Get your message straight, don't you know that you're at the WaPo?

Best news evah? Girls hitting puberty earlier than ever! Actually, that might be the worst news ever... if I'm slummin' around with a 3rd grader, I sure as hell don't want there to be a possibility that I get her preggers. Damn cryin' shame, stop pouring estrogen into the water supply to turn us gay/sterile/into women. Let me add to that conspiracy theory; nope, I couldn't think of anything crazier than that which has already said. Hmm, gotta try... Owen Wilson has a great nose, he just uses CGI to make it look bad so the general public doesn't get jealous that he has it all. I could do better than that, but I'm not going to right now. Anyway, girls are hitting puberty earlier, and I've had a constant boner since I was 3, but I still can't grow a damn beard?

Maybe it IS real, not just a conspiracy? Chinese babies grow breasts due to contaminated milk.

Bi-partisan: Mature, 49 year old man refuses to take a letter from somebody who disagrees with him politically. Maybe he's just scared of Rick Perry, after all, he does go jogging with a badass gun. For all those who click on that second link, I must forewarn you: they use the word varmint.

Christopher Hitchens, who I agree with maybe 50% of the time but respect very much, writes about the bad reaction to the Ground Zero Mosque. I'm totally with him on this one, quote:

"Where to start with this part-pathetic and part-sinister appeal to demagogy? To begin with, it borrows straight from the playbook of Muslim cultural blackmail. Claim that something is "offensive," and it is as if the assertion itself has automatically become an argument. You are even allowed to admit, as does Foxman, that the ground for taking offense is "irrational and bigoted." But, hey—why think when you can just feel?"

While I personally feel strongly in opposition to the building of that mosque, and I know (as Hitchens does too) that this is a blatant provocation from a guy who is obviously no friend to America, I too believe that the answer is not to have executive power shut down the operation. Protesting or writing about the mosque is fine, but pleas for Obama to step in and deny the owners of the property to do what they'd like with it is not OK. Best solution: Gutfeld's gay bar. Libertypundits and some others have already been brainstorming some good names for it. To name a few, they have Ground Queero, Al Gayda, Jihard, Dome of the Cock, United 69. So I am offended by the Mosque there, as I am surely meant to be, but as I've said before, I thought this was 'Mrrka. This place was founded on religious freedom, and it's been a whole lot better to my people than anywhere else we've gone (besides Israel of course).

Ground Zero Mosque's response to Greg Gutfeld's gay bar idea: "Your gay bar won't build dialogue because it doesn't consider our sensibilities." Ahh, I love to end a post with a little irony.

I Made Up A Word: Jewbral

Stephen Hawking: Humans - Explore Space of Face Extinction. I've been trying to get out to the great unknown with my brothel harem for G-d knows how long. After finishing Childhood's End and realizing the stars are not for man, I was disillusioned, but I'm ready to forget about that book now.

Artificial life forms evolve basic intelligence. I don't know what's scarier, the fact that man-made life forms are evolving, or the fact that they look like moths! That's surefire proof that A.I. is evil right there. Not that we needed more proof, I've seen the Matrix and Terminator. If we can create evolving artificial life, why couldn't somebody have created us? Maybe those religious fags are onto something... Are we just Sims?! WHO AM I? If there is a creator, I bet he likes Pink Floyd.

Jonas Brothers:

1. Jonas sews up his own leg because E.R. wait is too long. Never thought I'd say this about a Jonas, but this guy is pure, 100% 'Mrrkin man. Never mind that he's Swedish and thus, probably can't even pronounce Jonas (it might be like, Yonah or something; I don't know, am I even using the right stereotype here?). Damn Swedes and their delicious Swedish Fish!
2. George Jonas talks about the ground zero mosque. I know I've talked pretty extensively about the ground zero mosque before, but I think George Jonas talks about it better than I do so I'll leave it to him. He says everything I've been thinking, but am too inept to put into (English) words. It's a short article, and it's really damn good, just read it.

While on the topic of the mosque*, let's see what these two Canadian terrorists Muslims have to say about it. I know what you're thinking: "Canadian AND Muslim? How could it get any worse?" Let me tell you how: They're half Mexican (and not the legal kind). If they didn't have to go to American public school with all of us bigots, they certainly dodged a bullet; I know that in my high school, we would've knocked the turban off those mullets. Ah, yes, as I was saying, let's see what these two Canadian (LOL!) Muslims (scary and foreign!) have to say about the mosque: Um, Earth to White people: yeah, it's a provocation. When I say white people, I'm referring to the "stuffwhitepeoplelike" type of White person, of course. To paraphrase the article, "You are a dumb dumby if you think this is about holding hands and singing kumbayah, but that's not even the important thing to look at. Look at the $100 million and where it's coming from." Ok, how about a real quote, Reed.

"As for those teary-eyed, bleeding-heart liberals such as New York mayor Michael Bloomberg and much of the media, who are blind to the Islamist agenda in North America, we understand their goodwill.

Unfortunately for us, their stand is based on ignorance and guilt, and they will never in their lives have to face the tyranny of Islamism that targets, kills and maims Muslims worldwide, and is using liberalism itself to destroy liberal secular democratic societies from within."

It's a good article for sure, and I know I was poking fun of the authors, but definitely worth the time. There's a little philosophical overlap with the Jonas piece, but read it anyway for the parts that don't overlap. These guys seem legit, made more so by their awesomely named book titles, "Their Jihad... Not My Jihad" and "The Jew is Not My Enemy." You can find those on the shelf next to the female empowerment classic, "Overcooked Rice is Not a Legitimate Excuse for the Beatings," and of course, it's sequal "Battered Woman: 200 Pancake and Waffle Recipes So Good He'll Keep His Hands on the Table and Off You!" Cause pancakes and waffles are made from batter, so she's a battered woman, get it? I can't take full credit for that one (and I'm not sure I want to) so I'll give due credit for the battered woman joke to Forrington Emhouse.

Red Eye's Greg Gutfeld, on the other hand, was inspired by the story of the ground zero mosque; so inspired that he decided to create a project to build another bridge that needs building. Greg Gutfeld: I'm raising money to build a Muslim gay bar next to the Ground Zero Moqsue.

Paul Krugman apparently wrote an article bitching about Paul Ryan's Roadmap that I was too lazy to read, but I'll dishonestly assert that it was full of crap. I mean c'mon, anybody who wishes that our government functioned more like communist China doesn't have anything to say that I find particularly worth hearing... Oh, what's that? That's Thomas Friedman who does that? Excuse me for being unable to tell the difference between two jewbrals (jewish liberals) who work at the Times and have stupid facial hair. To be fair, at least Pauly K got a Nobel Prize (but so did Obama, so what's that really worth?). Back on topic though, Paul Ryan responded to Krugman's article, and since I like him and his plan, he gets a link and some free press, suck it Paul (Krugman, not Ryan).

Daniel/Christie 2012? No, not for office, but for a weird lesbian scene (granted Chrstie could take a time machine back to when she was young and spry). I meant THIS Daniels/Christie 2012... I wish. My friends and readers all know I love Chris Christie, half because of what he does, but mostly because of how he does it (check your math, Reed... How can you half love something, and then mostly love some other part of it? Two halves make a whole). Mitch Daniels on the other hand, is somebody who I find interesting and impressive, but haven't written or talked much about. He's quiet and not particularly charismatic, and he doesn't have the advantage of looking like a fat guy from New Jersey. On the other hand, he has undoubtably done better things with his state than possibly any other Governor, and his poll numbers show it. So that's why I give him the top of the ticket, and Christie the bottom.

I was told I'm getting an exclusive scoop about a new political campaign ad that should blow Basil Marceaux and Dale Peterson out of the water. I should be getting my hands on it later this week, just standby. Until then, here's a story of a plane steward (almost undoubtably gay, just guessing based on occupation) who cussed out his passengers and peaced out the emergency exit, only after first grabbing some beers to go. Awesome...

*For the record, Mosque is NOT the french spelling of the word Mask, but it is the British pronounciation.

Universal Solution: Alcohol Cures Toe Infection

So I'm re-reading Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke because I haven't read it since freshman year of high school and I remember liking it a lot. I must say, despite being written in the 1950's, is still pretty relevant today. The Viking Summary without spoilers: Peaceful Alien Overlords come to Earth and usher in an age of peace and prosperity, where humans basically live to pursue knowledge and interests (although most choose to mindlessly consume television like sponges). All nations are dissolved and the human race is united (Clarke makes a point that Israel is not happy about this since they had been the most recent to get an independent state after working for hundreds of years for it). Obviously there's a LOT more to the novel, especially stuff I will not spoil for you, that's just a very basic introduction to the plot. The main idea is that, although everything seems to be pretty good, humans are banned from certain things "for their protection" in this ultimate nanny state, such as interstellar travel and space flight in general. They are also not permitted to speak to (with the exception of the U.N. SecGen) or even see the overlords for a long time. One thing that struck a chord with me today was that the Supervisor of Earth (an overlord) held a press conference with the human media and would not allow them to record it, though he recorded it himself. Sound familiar to you (hint: see yesterday's post about police and the law)? Sci-fi often has a libertarian streak to it, if you don't believe me just check out The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. Maybe that's why I like it? (Real reason: Inter-alien sex scenes... that green girl from the new Star Trek movie, wow).

Statism gone too far: State inspectors crack down on little girl's lemonade stand. You can't make this shit up. Next thing you know they'll be arresting good samaritans who are running a safe rides program for drunk people to cut down on drunk driving. This is normally where I'd attempt humor through my commentary, but honestly, the headlines speak for themselves. I guess I can say a naughty word to go for some laughs: Poop.

Glenn linked to this post by The Other McCain talking about a new scandal for North Dakota Governor and senatorial hopeful John Hoeven. Apparently, his Democrat opponents think it's a scandal that his daughter had modeling photos in a bikini. If that's a scandal to Mr. Hoeven, I can't imagine what he'd feel like if he was Lawrence Fishburne. For those too lazy to click the link, Lawrence Fishburne's daughter Montana decided to release a sex tape to boost her non-existant career. Glenn, myself and Mr. McCain all agree that the Republicans should have more scandals like this one. Maybe someday the Republicans can get the youth vote if they keep this up. I'll post the image here to help generate traffic while I'm at it, thanks Mr. McCain!

If you live in North Dakota, please vote for John Hoeven, if only just to keep him in the spotlight so we could possibly get some more of this. Thank you. Sincerely, Reed the Viking.

You know who is hot? Hermione. I found a new picture, so here it is:

WHAT THE FUCK? Who is that young man and what'd they do to Hermione? I am boycotting Harry Potter 7 parts one AND two for this bullshit. Hermione, if you wanted to become a lesbian who looks like a young man, you could have at least gone for the J.Biebz look and joined Lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.com. Instead she's just gone all lesbians who look like the kid from Big Daddy. Seriously though, Hermione - It's about 10 years to late for you to audition for the part of Draco Malfoy, just give it up.

The Future: Wife Learns of Husband's Second Marriage Through Facebook. I try to feel bad for the woman, but she does sound really fucking stupid. She found out about the affair when her husband left the tell-tale signs, good work so far. She finds them in a hotel together and confronts them, telling the harlot that she's married to the man and they have kids. Then, from the article: "she confronted her husband. She says he told her he wouldn't actually go through with the wedding." And she ate it right up. It's kind of hard to feel bad for her. Now he's run away to Florida with the kids and the only time she sees them is on his facebook page with their new mum.

That's why you should stick to the booty call, which now apparently has scientific significance. In my experience (don't read this mom; dad, I hope this finally will make you proud of me), the booty call is more a side effect of alcohol or drought conditions, made at unreal times of the deep, dark night. A friends with benefits situation is more akin to what they speak of in the article, where, "The booty call relationship gives the guy easy access to sex, and gives the woman a steady partner.” I'd agree that FWB gives that steady partner, while a booty call can be very flakey and inconsisent, depending on how often the guy drinks or strikes out with other, more suitable mates. I guess scientists are like parents, and lag on the lingo. For some perspective, hollywood usually lags behind the curve by a few years, and Booty Call with Jamie Foxx came out over a decade ago. 

Good dog, Lassie: Dog Bites Man... and saves his life. I don't know what's more incredible, the fact that he was drunk after only a 6 pack and 2 margaritas (lightweight!), or the fact that he was so drunk that he didn't feel the dog biting off his infected toe. Or the fact that he didn't seem to think it was a problem that his toe was infected to a life threatening degree. They say drinking alcohol impairs judgement, but what does it do to those who have no judgement to begin with? Although I do agree with his self-treatment plan. Alcohol is a sterilizer, and thus, kills bacteria. Drinking is most effective when you are sick, or at risk of falling ill. Realistically, cancer patients should be drinking and partying, not sitting around smoking weed like a bunch of hippies. Or at least they should smoke while they drink. 

Exit question: Please let me know in the comments if you think I should continue my blog as I have been doing it, or write a couple posts throughout the day, each one devoted to it's own topic so that the blog is not all over the place talking about sex, robots, terrizm, space, and sex robots in space all in one post.

Obama Does Not Like Soylent Green

A few days ago, I wrote about my sister and how she thought Lady GaGa was saying "Bon Jovi romance" in her song "Bad Romance." My older brother read the post, and when I called him, he told me that he too heard some misleading lyrics. He heard that song "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz and the song goes, "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes sayin' ayo, gotta let go." Well my bro heard "ayo, Galileo" and figured, he was throwing his hands up in the air at the celestial bodies and thanking Galileo for his groundbreaking work in astronomy. When he found out that's not what Taio was saying, he didn't like the song quite as much, but now, like with Bad Romance, whenever I hear that song, I always say "Galileo" instead of gotta let go. It's a way cooler song if you do that.

Important classified information finally declassified. Thankfully, there was no WikiLeaks in the 1940's so all that mass panic was averted. I wonder what other alien-related business they're hiding from us!

How to avoid jail-time for your crimes: Become a transsexual. You might think that's useless information, because in your mind, you're not a criminal but guess again. There are over 4500 federal laws on the books and you have to know them all, because as we all know, ignorance of the law is not an excuse... unless you're a police officer, that is. Radley Balko writes a compelling piece on the subject, and goes in further depth to show that even when you know the law and the police do not, which can result in wrongful detainment, there are no consequences for the offending officer. Even though it's like, his job to know and enforce the law.

Full-body scanners have been saving images taken at a court house in Orlando... shit, now everybody who works for the TSA is gonna see that I pack my undies :(... But on the otherhand, if the TSA was using scanners to catch this supposed terrizt, I will gladly let them look at my sock-enhanced junk. Hopefully this guy was just a drunk trying to get his nicotine fix on an airplane, but if it's another terror attempt, that'd make an awful lot since Obama took office. Are we getting lax, or are they hating us more? Obama, quick, go talk in Cairo, and this time, make sure to tell them how much they've contributed to math and science. It's a huge mission, NASA won't be able to do it all on it's own.

The Middle East is more complicated than people make it out to be, myself included. Freelance reporter Michael J. Totten is somebody I relatively trust on Middle East issues, and he's just come out with another excellent piece. It's very long, but well worth the read, particularly if you want to inform yourself on another side of the Israeli psyche that doesn't get reported in the international media, regardless of politics. He and his interviewee also draw their own distinction between legitimate criticism of Israel (and there is plenty to be had) and anti-semitism. I think you will find them to be very fair, and the bottom line is that any "criticism" of Israel that does not afford Israelis normal human decency can be safely regarded as anti-semitic. Some good quotes below:

Most Israelis are here because they fled from Muslim and European countries. They don’t feel that either of those blocs have the right to lecture them about anything. Why should a country where your parents were expelled or killed have the right to tell you how to conduct yourself in a war against people who are trying to kill you today? This is something hardly any non-Israelis understand. They don’t understand how galling we find this.

Israelis are often accused of being arrogant, but they find it extremely arrogant for Europeans and Arabs to lecture them about morals, especially during a war. What has Israel ever done that is as brutal as what Europe did to the Jews, or what Arabs routinely do to even each other during armed conflicts?

Much of what is regarded as criticism is actually an assault. It is intended to wound and cause pain. It is intended to demonize. The way, for example, some people off-handedly accuse Israel of genocide, as if this is not even in question. This, to me, is obviously intended to be as hurtful as possible. I can’t even begin to explain to you how offensive the Nazi comparison is. It’s like a person who raped and murdered your child stands up in court and says you did it. That’s what it feels like. It’s difficult to even respond because it’s so unthinkably cruel to say something like that. To compare us to our worst enemies, enemies who decimated us, our fathers, our grandfathers within living memory—it’s not just that this isn’t within the realm of rational discourse, it isn’t even in the realm of human decency.

The issue of human decency is a big one. It may be difficult to define, but whenever criticism crosses that line, that, to my mind, is where anti-Semitism begins. Anti-Semitism ultimately is a refusal to accord basic human decency to the Jewish people. It’s a refusal to relate to a certain group of people with the common human decency with which you would relate to anybody else.

I'm linking to the piece again right here because I think it's that good and hope that maybe some of you might read it. Maybe I think it's so good because Brilliant People Agree With Me. While Orin Kerr's post is certainly valid, I actually don't feel that my positions fall in lock-step with Michael J. Totten's. I think he's far more knowledgable than I, and I keep a very open mind when I read him. He's educated me on many matters, dispelling preconceived notions (particularly in the case of the Lebanese) and making me wiser for it.

The Future: L.A. Times reveals that public pensions may consume a third of the city's general fund in the distant future, around approximately the year 2015. Oh, shit, that's less than 5 years from now!

Black Tea Partiers have a message for the NAACP: We don't hate black people! Sure you don't, Uncle Toms... you're just like those Jews who worked for the Nazis!

Racist Tea Partiers Liberal radio hosts rain a shitstorm on President Obama using racial terms.

"I think that Barack Obama hates black people. He hates black people, because number one, he wants to be the only big shot black person... Somebody had to remind me that Valerie Jarrett was black, and uh what's his name, Eric Holder. But they're kind of, um, I don't know they're like his kind of black. They're number one physically not even so black.. They're not the kind of black people I like, they're like elitist yuppie black people..."

Yes, Lynn Samuels, I agree. President Obama is racist against black people. I think that comment might be even a little more ridiculous than when Glenn Beck said he doesn't like white people. Is there anybody this President does like, according to our retarded media? Glenn Beck proved he doesn't like crackas, and Lynn Samuels proved he doesn't like the colored folk. Conclusion: President Obama doesn't like people (and by the transitive property, President Obama does not like Soylent Green). I know who President Obama likes.

Bo, the half white, half black First Dog.

Obama likes Bo.

Abe Vigoda is Still Alive

I'd first like to express my gratitude towards Professor Jacobson over at Legal Insurrection for linking to me as his Blog of the Day. I'm flattered that somebody reads me besides my parents. To all those who found my blog through Legal Insurrection's Blog of the Day link, welcome to my site. If you scroll down, you will be happy to find many pictures of women in little clothing, and maybe a video of a drunk Mexican or two.

Apparently, there was a "right-wing Woodstock" in Hollywood that we all just missed, with Hollywood's hottest A-list Republicans. How do you know you lost the culture war? When your headliners have been largely irrelevant for the better part of a score (that's Lincolnese for 20 years) and/or have been arrested for possession of cocaine. Gary Sinese is pretty freakin' awesome though (and no, he's neither irrelevent nor a coke-head). The party was hosted by a group called The Friends of Abe which Hollywood Reporter explains, "For those unfamiliar with the highly secretive club of conservatives in the entertainment business, the name refers to iconic Republican Abraham Lincoln, not Abe Vigoda." Abe Vigoda, thankfully, at the moment of my writing this, is still alive. For those who don't know who Abe Vigoda is, shame on you, but my suggestions are to start with Good Burger where he plays a lovable fry cook, and that episode of weird science where they turn Lisa into an old man (Vigoda plays the afformentioned old timer).

Anne Applebaum: Let me repeat what Reed the Viking has been writing about for the past few days. Ok, maybe she doesn't cite me by name, but she too warns against trusting Republicans when they claim to be fiscally responsible. She too agrees that Obama is far worse with spending than Bush or any president of recent decades (I think Obama is partial to the term unprecedented).

Please note, angry readers, that I am not citing these figures to claim that the Obama administration has done any better: On the contrary, the Obama administration is far more profligate than Clinton or Bush, terrifyingly so... But then, the Democratic Party does not call itself the party of small government. The GOP does.

You cannot pretend that the Republican Party has not supported big and wasteful spending programs -- energy subsidies, farm subsidies, unnecessary homeland security projects, profligate defense contracts, you name it -- for the past decade. Before the GOP can have credibility on any spending issues whatsoever, Republican leaders need to speak frankly about the mistakes of the past.

They also must be extremely specific about which policies and programs they are planning to cut. What will it be? Social Security or the military budget? Medicare or the Transportation Security Administration? Vague "anti-government" rhetoric doesn't cut it anymore: If you want a smaller government, you have to tell us how you will create one.

Cue Paul F-in Ryan with his Roadmap for America.

If it seems like I'm hating on Republicans today, maybe this is why: Jonas Brothers Heart Reagan. Proving once more that it is possible to be both a homosexual and a Republican, and at the same time giving me hope that the culture war has not been lost (I'm imagining 8 year old girls rocking this t-shirt or this t-shirt), Nick Jonas comes to the rescue. Seriously though, couldn't somebody cooler be a fan of the gipper, like Jay-Z or Neil Patrick Harris?

The proverbial iron ricebowl: Teaching in U.S. Public Schools. One of my Chinese teachers, a wise man of about 80 years (somehow he looked and acted 60) once told me that in Chinese, a man's rice bowl is his employment. That is to say, a rice bowl is a euphemism for a job. If you have been laid off, quit your job, or robbed of a means of livelihood (i.e.: athlete gets paralyzed), you can say your metaphorical rice bowl is broken. Government jobs and other jobs with high job security are referred to as an iron rice bowl. I have one; I can expect a paycheck every 1st and 15th of every month until my contract expires. I can be disciplined and fined, but ultimately, I'm still taken care of pretty well regardless of how competent I am. For teachers, it's even worse believe it or not. Former teacher Leonard Pitts' editorial in the Chicago Tribune breaks it down to the fundamentals and basically ends up sounding like my main man Chris Christie. The Teachers' Union is adversely effecting the ejikayshun ov r yooth. I had a lot of great teachers growing up (Mrs. Shea had a nice butt, Mrs. Frost was just plain hot, Mrs. Curtis banged the football team) but I also had some pretty fucking terrible ones, and I always wondered why everybody knew how bad they were, but nobody did anything about it.

I wrote about Tennessee Gubernatorial hopeful Basil Marceaux the other day and linked a video of him on a local news channel explaining his platform. If you watched it and thought about an Alvin Greene/Basil Marceaux 2010 ticket, you're in for a pleasant surprise. Basil Marceaux's official campaign ad. I can't sum it up any better than Allah already did for ya, so just click the link to watch both videos, and I'll host the official one here.

Justice: TV Manager who one punch TKO'd his wife to death over burned roast beef gets only 18 months. Bitch shouldn't have burnt his dinner. 

Call Liam Neeson: Taken - 14 year old taken by gangs and used as a sex save. From the daily mail: "Her ordeal highlights previously-aired fears that white schoolgirls are being used for underage sex by gangs of Asian men in Northern England." Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Damn Triads and Yakuza are terrorizing all over Britain, all whilst using General's Chicken and Sushi as a front for legitimate business. Take your karate dojo elsewhere, Miyagi-san. Wait, what's that? Oh, they have the names and pictures of the men accused? Asad Hassan, Mohammad Basharat? I guess they could technically be from Asia, but that first guy sounds like he could be from Fort Hood, Texas. Ouch, too soon? Maybe the other guys better exemplify their Asian heritage. Another 3 Mohammads, an Achmed and a guy with the last name Khan. I'm going to just go out on a limb here and guess they're not practicing Catholics. Just sayin'.

Pacific Islanders create creepy robot. To be honest, I can't decide who's creepier, the robot or Dr. Hiroshi Ishiguro. His name sounds Japanese, right? Well, Japan is technically an island in the Pacific (Archipelago is more accurate, dumbass). Oh shit, I just realized... I'm Asian; I've got Russian ancestry (well, more like Ashkenazi Jew, prey of preference for actual Russians). I think I'll stick with the caucasian label, affirmative action works against asians and is sorta neutral towards honkeys. If only I was from South Africa, then I could fill the African-American bubble on my SATS all those years ago, thus getting into my dream school, staying motivated to succeed, and never signing a damn contract.

Oliver Stone's BFF is a Necrophiliac

Fight terrizm, listen to Pink Floyd. Hell, I've been fighting terrizm my whole life it seems. I know the article specifically mentions Another Brick in the Wall, but I've found that they really hate "Young Lust," it really goes against Sharia law.

Bombshell Study: Women find confident guys attractive. Or is it just that they find modesty unattractive? Quite frankly, I don't care, because I'm the best and hung like a walrus. Am I trying too hard?

Bombshell Discovery: Oliver Stone's BFF really is a crazy necrophiliac. Creepy stuff, you know you're in trouble when people are comparing you to Kim "Lil' Kim" Jong Il. Next thing you know, Chavez will be wearing track suits and starring in the next Matt Stone/Trey Parker collaboration puppet feature. Notice it's usually the socialist/commie dictators who are batshit crazy/murderous? Muammar Gaddafi and Idi Amin being the most obvious exceptions.

Navy to segregate its officers? Honestly, that headline sounds like a bit of an exaggeration to me; everybody knows I hate the PC bullshit in our media, government, and hell, our entire society. But to me, this sounds like it's just the Navy doing some affirmative action, and segregation sounds a little bit more serial than that. No doubt I disagree with making diversity the top priority (how about national security? secure sea-lanes?), but this is less alarming than the politically correct army garbage that allowed a terrorist to make Major while everybody watching knew how fuckin' out there the guy was. My official ruling: It's pretty bad and stupid, but there are bigger issues to work up an anger over. It's nothing our colleges and job markets haven't been doing for decades.

Republican self-imposed moratorium on earmarks leads to drop in spending in 2011. Well, good. Keep it up and maybe people will trust you for another 4 years until you fuck it all up again. On the other hand, it's time to actually get serious and maybe tackle some real issues. I've said it time and time again, Paul Ryan is the only person who is serious about dealing with our debt. Republicans tote him around as a useful tool, "see, we're super serial guys, elect us in novermber," but when it comes down to details, they shy away from his plan because it contains some electorally unsafe ideas (medicare, social security cuts). Not to mention the fight some republicans put up to oppose medicare cuts when it was proposed in the healthcare reform. Republicans like to talk about fiscal responsibility and spending cuts, but when you actually ask them where they'd cut, they shrivel back to wherever balls come from before they drop. Paul Ryan is a man of details, concrete ideas instead of vague platitutudes (Platitude; Definition: A Platypus with an attitude). The WaPo has a very fair article about Ryan and his Roadmap for America to reduce debt. I suggest you read it because Ryan is an impressive guy who hopefully will be around for a while. If you click only one link from this entire post, let it be that one.

In related news, the NYT admits that Social Security, Ponzi scam that it is, is coming to its end days. It's politically unpopular to talk about reforming Social Security, but reality dictates that it's not going to be there for me (and I pay a lot into it) and I'll be paying for it for a long time. It's no different from what Bernie Madoff did and it's completely unsustainable. To paraphrase Maggie Thatches (Margaret Thatcher for those who don't speak Reedese), eventually you run out of other peoples' money. And never forget, it is OTHER peoples' money.

Whitewashed: Who got to Chris Matthews? Men in black vans in full ninja garb. C'mon Chris, you have to keep the narrative, don't deviate from the prescribed talking points! Never defend somebody from the opposite side of the political spectrum, even for honesty's sake.

YES: Lady GaGa weighs in on Arizona. She's against the law, but also against the boycott. I love you Lady G, even though the music video for Alejandro is borderline gay porn. Allah provides some amusing commentary at the link.

Great: Taliban seeking informant blood after WikiLeaks document dump. Julian "Asshat" Assange should be targeted by UAV drones and PFC Manning should be hung for treason. Leaking classified information is a big no-no, shithead.

One debate I'd like to see: Iranian President Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket challanges President Obama to a televised debate. The Prez wanted dialogue with Iran, right? There's your chance, big guy.

Here's a picture I took in Chinatown in Honolulu:

I saw a bunch of creepy doll heads in the window, and thought it'd make a funny picture if I jumped in the pile and whipped out my monster. That'd be a lot more convincing if: A.) The penis wasn't obviously golden, made of wood, and a few feet tall and B.) If you couldn't vaguely see my reflection in the window. Good thing my face is blurred, for anonimity's sake.