The Perfect Girlfriend

So last week, I started putting up pictures of scantily clad broads and I saw a huge uptick in my traffic... surprise surprise. I've come to terms with the fact that no matter how good I think I have written a post, you all just care about boobs. That's fine, I'll deliver the breasts. First, I'll make you read what I have to say though (please don't scroll to the bottom without reading, it hurts my feelings!). Maybe this will get you to read: We all know that SEX makes you smarter, but for those of you too nerdy to interact with real females, I've got even better news - Virtual sex might have the same benefits. I can't wait til they have virtual reality sex, and trust me, the first kinds of virtual reality WILL be sex-based. Sex leads industry, whether it be in the case of VHS or even the internet, sex is the forerunner in all. My favorite part of games like City of Heroes and World of Warcraft is creating my character, customizing how he looks and making it to my liking. Now imagine, you have a character creator where you can customize the virtual fuck-buddy... that is pure win, my friends. Don't worry, you don't have to imagine, I've imagined for you. I now take the pleasure in presenting my future virtual girlfriend! I've programmed her and designed her personality to personal taste.

The horror, THE HORROR! Run Liberals, make good on your promise to flee to Canada if Bush gets elected again. ABC News: (Jeb) Bush 2012? Surely a terrifying concept, let's hope it doesn't come down to that. Then again, between him and Palin.. *shudder*

Living on the edge: Pilot Ejects Seconds Before Crashing and Exploding His Plane (with badass pictures included).

Good news: Iran studying nuclear fusion reactors. Actually, I don't know how scary this thought really is, seeing as nuclear fusion reactors haven't been properly achieved by anyone... yet.

The new Goth: from Korn to Qaeda (it's an alliteration if you say it out loud): Homegrown Jihadis just a bunch of angsty fags adolescents? I'm not sure if I agree with this assessment entirely, but it's certainly an interesting take. I remember one goth chick from my highschool that was always looking to shock and appall, she ended up getting into neo-nazism and I distinctly remember a picture circulating that showed a swastika shaved into her pubes. She was a real loser, but she reveled in it, and I could easily see a teenager like her getting seduced by the shock value of joining the fight against 'Mrrrka.

This is pretty much how I feel about the Kings of Leon in a nutshell: Kings of Leon Concert Cut Short Due to Pigeon Poop. I liked that song "Sex on Fire" which I assume to be about a bad night in Reno capped with a shot of penicillin, but that other song "Use Somebody" kind of makes me want to become a pigeon and just shit all over their concert schedule.

Oops: Chinese Police Beat Official's Wife By Mistake... "I'm sorry ma'am, I thought you were somebody else's wife." Note, the story is not an apology for the police beating the shit out of a woman, it's an apology for beating the wrong woman. Keep it classy, Beijing.

French Nuns get signed to GaGa's record lable. I have nothing to add, I think the headline speaks for itself.

Law and Order: It's a hard-knock life in the pen... unless you're in MEXICAN prison, in which case sign up for your free cell-key, gun, and vehicle in the rec-center. At least they're not in Turkish prison in the 70's, Billy Hayes had a real tough time there. If you don't get the reference, I'm talking about the story which was told in the 1978 flick, Midnight Express, which was written by Oliver Stone. Oliver Stone, the useful idiot who hangs out with Hugo Chavez and loves communism. Nevermind the hypocrisy of being a millionare beneficiary of capitalism; if I were to write about every rich, famous, capitalist-beneficiary communist-sympathizer, I'd have no room to write about anything else. No, Stone gets the mention for this extra bit of nuttery. If you're too lazy to click the link, he said Hitler gets a bad rap and his story is told out of context, the holocaust is taught because of a strong jewish lobby, and the jews control the media. I'm not surprised that he said any of that, hard leftism often goes hand in hand with anti-semitism, but I'm semi-surprised at the lack of condemnation he recieves. If only Mel Gibson had said it, we'd have a news story on our hands I guess.

Confirmed: Reason the Gulf has yet to be cleaned up - Louisiana is the laziest state in the union.

Startin' 'em early: Poledancing classes for 6 year olds. As I always said, if there's grass on the field, leave the middle school and go younger. Kindergartens always a safe bet.

No surprises here: Porn for women sounds incredibly boring and lame. Heck, I haven't been able to watch lesbian porn since I was like 14, it's too softcore. If there's not a corpse and at least 2 different household goods being used in ways they're not intended for, I can't even get it up.

Good news for time-travel: Time-travel without Grandfather Paradox is possible. But does that solve Niven's law of time travel?

More than a 100 planets found in last few weeks that are "Earth-like." Sign me up to go, and make sure I can bring my virtual girlfriend.

Cornell Law's Prof. Jacobson talks about the Religion of Context. He then writes here about Visconti's Law (an extension of Godwin's Law). As the good Professor himself notes, this is related to a Kafkatrap, which is linked and explained here. It's a long article, so I'll briefly explain the Kafkatrap, which is employed often to attack anybody who deviates from the lefty line (rightys use it sometimes too, but with less results). Basically, the accuser (A) will accuse the trap victim (B) of some charge that cannot be disproven (anti-semitism, racism, sexism, homophobic tendencies, etc.). A uses a variety of different models of the Kafkatrap to smear B, some examples being:

“Your refusal to acknowledge that you are guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…} confirms that you are guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}.” - Kafkatrap Model A
“Even if you do not feel yourself to be guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}, you are guilty because you have benefited from the {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…} behavior of others in the system.” - Kafkatrap Model C
“Even if you do not feel yourself to be guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}, you are guilty because you have a privileged position in the {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…} system.” Model P
The act of demanding a definition of {sin,racism,sexism,homophobia,oppression} that can be consequentially checked and falsified proves you are {sinful,racist,sexist, homophobic, oppressive}.” Model D
Skepticism about any particular anecdotal account of {sin,racism,sexism,homophobia,oppression,…}, or any attempt to deny that the particular anecdote implies a systemic problem in which you are one of the guilty parties, is itself sufficient to establish your guilt.” Model S

So that's basically how the Kafkatrap works, beware of it and call it out when you see it. That's what they do to the Tea Party; Step One: Call them racist. Subsequently, they will enthusiastically deny the allegations. Step Two: Infer that their heated denials and hot tempers that are natural reactions to the incediary charges are further proof of their racism. It's that simple!

The real secret to getting rid of racism is very easy, of course. Morgan Freeman knows this open secret and drops it hard on some unsuspecting, stereotypical New York Jew (Mike Wallace). Put that in your conventional wisdom pipe and smoke it. Mike Wallace's paternalistic, condescending attitude shines right through here, almost as conspicuously as James Cameron's in Avatar.