Reed the Viking

In Honor of the Upcoming Shark Week

Hey look, a small Japanese person playing a famous American pop song on a ukulele... How adorable! If you don't like that song, he also does Obladi Oblada by the Beatles, which you can find in the related videos section to the side of the actual video.

Aside from being really cute, it's also quite impressive considering the kid doesn't speak English. And by impressive, I mean hilarious. He sounds the way I do when I don't know the lyrics to a song. Case in point being the Lady GaGa song "Bad Romance." My sister swears that she says "Bon Jovi Romance" throughout the song, and ever since she said that, that's all I can hear. "Ra ra ah ah ah, roma roma ah, Gaga Ooh la la, Bon Jovi Romance." You'll understand when you hear it.

If Google Maps, Earth, Voice, Search, Video, and Google PeepingTom don't give you anxiety about privacy issues, start worrying. Soon, even your thoughts will not be safe. With the help of the CIA, the Google will read your mind, and then ostensibly decorate your thoughts with a different nifty layout for every holiday you didn't know existed (Didn't you know Reed, July 29th is Gerard Depardieu's second cousins b-day, that's why it's le googleau today).

Tolerance and respect for diversity in the democratic party: My GOP opponent is taking JOOOOOish money. They're just giving him their precious joo gold, and c'mon, they're jooooooooooz. Seems like the democrats are coordinating their racist message today (perhaps they took their talking points from Journolist?), because the top democratic politician in the country referred to blacks as "mongrel people." For those afraid or too lazy to hit the link, that cracker in the white house called black people mongrels. Do you need me to spell it out for you? That racist (half) white man President Obama was caught being a racialist racist! I'm SOOOO OUTRAGED! But like Glenn said, "It's only racist if a Republican says this sort of thing."

Sportsgrid seems to think this guy had the worst idea ever. I tend to think the first guy to eat an artichoke was taking more of a risk, but seriously, Cleveland fans? If this were Philadelphia, he'd be dead in a dumpster, probably being sexually assaulted by homeless people. So yeah, I am going to call them out and say that this guy did not have the worst idea ever. The real worst idea a person could ever have? Going to Philadelphia.

Autralian guy with funny first name tells us what we already know. Harvard Prof. Niall Ferguson warns about the dangers of our financial house (aka, we're in deep shit, this debt is super duper serial). I'm not a doomsayer, but OMG WE'RE DOOMED! It's probably because we let a sekrit islamb into the white house to destroy our country. On the real, it's a bad situation and I just wish somebody would listen to Paul Ryan. Our Congress doesn't know the meaning of the word budget and they don't give a shit because it's MY generation that's going to get fucked. Good thing I hedged my bets and speak Chinese... I've got a pretty decent chance to be able to survive, whether 'Mrrka keeps kickin' ass or not. I'll probably just blast off into space asap with my harem whenever that becomes technologically feasible. Maybe I'll kidnap Christopher Nolan too so that he can blow my mind with new movies every few years (yeah, Inception kicked serious ass).

Now for the important stuff: What would the world be like without sharks? Well I know we wouldn't have the JAWS ride at universal, that's for sure. I love sharks; anytime anybody asks me what animal I'd be if I could choose one, I tell them I'd be an apex predator. If I had to choose an extant land animal, I'd probably be a tiger or a wolf or a bear... In the sea, I'd be a Greak White Shark, Orca (they don't call 'em Killer Whale for nothing) or Moby Dick (He's named Dick for a reason... he slangs that big thang like an oscar meyer). In the air, I'd be an 'Mrrkin Eagle (known to terrizts and hippies as a bald eagle) or some sort of genius, bespectacled owl. Now if we were to consider extinct animals, depending on time period I'd be a Dire Wolf, Smilodon (Sabre Toothed Tiger) or a T-Rex, RAWRRRR!!! Pretty obvious choices... is anybody still reading? Does anybody care :'(.

Alright, well now I'll give you something we can all agree is good, or in honor of Gerard Depardieu's 2nd cousin's birthday, something we can all agree is bon. Enjoy (yes, one of those photos is from a site called chicksfishing.com, G-d Bless 'Mrrrka and the interweb). Some pictures of me (in Shark form) and some beautiful womens.

Black Jew: The Unicorn of Minorities

A bit of a slow news day for me, but I did read an article about the best mom evah. But seriously, selling the baby was more responsible than putting it in the dumpster, right? I also enjoy how committed she was to video games, that despite her gambling debt, she was willing to use some of that baby-sale money to buy a playstation. As a gamer, I can relate to that, and don't tell my parents, but back when my little brother was still young and cute, and not a terrizt teenager, I tried to trade him for a superscope on SNES. Yeah, I already had the console, but the toy gun was totally worth the trade. Vash, you're cool and all, but at the time, you were like a little baby and were sorta useless, so forgive me for my evil thoughts. I digress, where was I? Worst mom, check.

Best basketball player evah? Amar'e Stoudemire. He just found out about his jewish roots (I know, really?) and these are some of his last few tweets on twitter:

“Boker Tov !! People. Have a great day. I'm done with a weight lift, next stop Basketball Court. All ways working. Shalom.”

When asked, "What's up with the hebrew, are you jewish?" his response was, "Yes Indeed!!"

"I'm the new Reggie White. (RIP) I'm going 2 Israel 2 study Hebrew. It's time 2 get a better understanding on who we R. Follow me !! Shalom" He then mentioned that he has family that lives there.

"Just finished playing a game of Chess. That's a great game to play." I agree Amar'e.

"On the flight to Israel. This is going to be a great trip. The holy land. Learn about it. This ze ha'halom sheli. Shalom."

"Jerusalem is a beautiful city, I'm at a cafe eating a late lunch. I'm learning Hebrew by the min. Keep up !! Shalom."

I don't even watch basketball (because the knicks suck and didn't get Lebron), but I'd actually heard of Stoudemire which is impressive for somebody as ignant as I. Actually, I'll be honest and say that when I first was directed to his twitter, I thought it was Damon Stoudemire's (the basketball playing Stoudemire I actually know; I used to like the Trail Blazers when I was in middle school). But still, this guy is the man, purely because he's of the same religion as me. JEW POWER! Tribal affiliation trumps all, suckas!

Overreaction much? Woman threatened at knife-point after the knife-weilder touches her butt. It's not what you think, honestly. Laquita Mattox's friend toucher has ass, causing her to clench, and thus break the bed she was sitting on with her what I assume to be ginormous ass.

I once posted a video of Steven Colbert embarrassing WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange (yes, that's his real last name), and I figured Assange's credibility was pretty much shot after everybody exposed him as an ideologue commited to damaging America's image and standing, even if he had to manipulate facts and footage to do it. I had hoped not to give him the time of day, but this scumbag apparently has endangered the lives of a ton of Afghans who trusted us to keep them safe in return for working with us. This guy went from dishonest hack to worst kind of scum pretty quick. I know he's off hiding in Sweden, but if Obama can order unmanned drone assassinations of U.S. Citizens (see Anwar Al-Awlaki, U.S. Citizen) without trial, he certainly could pop a cap in this fools douchey blonde head. His hair is only marginally less terrible than Guy Fieri's, but at least Guy seems to realize how bad his hair is and genuinely seems to hate himself. This guy looks like a gay Draco Malfoy... Gayco Malfoy.

Kobayashi lost this hot-dog eating competition when he had to run to the ATM half-way thru and drain his bank account. 69 Dollar Hot Dog at Serendipity 3. My family used to go there yearly to celebrate the end of the school year, and I think it got gayer each year (literally gay, not like, derogatory "quit being so gay" gay). The frozen hot chocolate was always pretty good, but that's about all I remember from that place besides the gayness and how the interior looks. Makes sense that they'd have a 69 dollar weiner, if you get my middle school level drift ;).

Speaking of gay, Masshole rep Barney Frank (D-Mass) perpetuates age-old jewish stereotype's by arguing over a dollar senior citizen discount. Glenn puts it best: "If only he were as cheap with our money as he is with his own."

“Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank caused a scene when he demanded a $1 senior discount on his ferry fare to Fire Island’s popular gay haunt, The Pines, last Friday. Frank was turned down by ticket clerks at the dock in Sayville because he didn’t have the required Suffolk County Senior Citizens ID. A witness reports, ‘Frank made such a drama over the senior rate that I contemplated offering him the dollar to cool down the situation.’”

They call this news? Muslims and Nazis don't like Jewish People. Keep up the groundbreaking reporting Der Spiegel.

Just because you're a teacher does not mean you're good, nor does it mean you necessarily care about children. Whistleblowing teacher fired for exposing teacher thefts of student food. What a god awful story, only one person here did the right thing and she got punished. That's usually how it goes though, ain't it? Stealing federally provided lunches from poor students, it doesn't get much worse than that. Actually, now that I've started my brain working, if I really wanted to go to hell, after stealing the lunch I'd sell it back to the kids (at a cheap price of course, they ARE strapped for cash you know) and make a little bonus. You always hear how underpaid teachers are, right?

Just because you're a cop does not mean you're good, nor does it mean you necessarily care about stopping murderers and saving lives. Unfortunately, I kind of understand the cops a little tiny bit here... Yes, what they did was jacked up, but that's the sort of lesson that gets instilled in large bureaucracies, where covering ones own ass is the most important thing. Ideally, I would hope that covering your ass would involve not letting innocent people get murdered on your watch, but who am I to have ideals anyway? As always, Glenn puts it best: "Breaking down doors for drug raids is bad. Breaking down doors to prevent murder is good. Guess which one the cops hold back on..." Remember, a few months ago I posted video of the cops breaking into a house on a "drug bust," arresting the father and killing the pet dog in front of the family (including a little kid). I think they found a little pot in that house, but that was all. Dave Chappelle was wiser than he knew (first minute has the most relevant part, but the whole clip is hilarious).

Chappelle's Show
Tron Carter's Law & Order
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

My Apologies

My apologies, but due to getting out of work 2 and a half hours later than normal, combined with a head-splitting migraine, I will not be posting a full post today. Posting will resume tomorrow as normal. But first... Scumbaggery now being charged as Rape? I know that all rapists are scumbags, but are all scumbags rapists? Probably, and they're holocaust denying animal abusers too.

So Sir Elton John didn't get any mention from me despite me reading some surprising articles about him (He played Rush Limbaughs wedding and is producing an Animal Farm play). I think three time's a charm, and despite my natural aversion to guys in glitter, the Pinball wizard is getting a mention today: Sir Elton John rips Arizona boycott.

Also, John Stewart defends Andrew Breitbart? People seem to forget that the administration fired Sherrod, not Breitbart or Fox News, but Stewart doesn't fall into that and deserves some credit. Also, he's funny.

I leave you with a video of a Spanish man arguing an Ibex. It's surprisingly hilarious (h/t: Hanky Bartimus).

The Perfect Girlfriend

So last week, I started putting up pictures of scantily clad broads and I saw a huge uptick in my traffic... surprise surprise. I've come to terms with the fact that no matter how good I think I have written a post, you all just care about boobs. That's fine, I'll deliver the breasts. First, I'll make you read what I have to say though (please don't scroll to the bottom without reading, it hurts my feelings!). Maybe this will get you to read: We all know that SEX makes you smarter, but for those of you too nerdy to interact with real females, I've got even better news - Virtual sex might have the same benefits. I can't wait til they have virtual reality sex, and trust me, the first kinds of virtual reality WILL be sex-based. Sex leads industry, whether it be in the case of VHS or even the internet, sex is the forerunner in all. My favorite part of games like City of Heroes and World of Warcraft is creating my character, customizing how he looks and making it to my liking. Now imagine, you have a character creator where you can customize the virtual fuck-buddy... that is pure win, my friends. Don't worry, you don't have to imagine, I've imagined for you. I now take the pleasure in presenting my future virtual girlfriend! I've programmed her and designed her personality to personal taste.

The horror, THE HORROR! Run Liberals, make good on your promise to flee to Canada if Bush gets elected again. ABC News: (Jeb) Bush 2012? Surely a terrifying concept, let's hope it doesn't come down to that. Then again, between him and Palin.. *shudder*

Living on the edge: Pilot Ejects Seconds Before Crashing and Exploding His Plane (with badass pictures included).

Good news: Iran studying nuclear fusion reactors. Actually, I don't know how scary this thought really is, seeing as nuclear fusion reactors haven't been properly achieved by anyone... yet.

The new Goth: from Korn to Qaeda (it's an alliteration if you say it out loud): Homegrown Jihadis just a bunch of angsty fags adolescents? I'm not sure if I agree with this assessment entirely, but it's certainly an interesting take. I remember one goth chick from my highschool that was always looking to shock and appall, she ended up getting into neo-nazism and I distinctly remember a picture circulating that showed a swastika shaved into her pubes. She was a real loser, but she reveled in it, and I could easily see a teenager like her getting seduced by the shock value of joining the fight against 'Mrrrka.

This is pretty much how I feel about the Kings of Leon in a nutshell: Kings of Leon Concert Cut Short Due to Pigeon Poop. I liked that song "Sex on Fire" which I assume to be about a bad night in Reno capped with a shot of penicillin, but that other song "Use Somebody" kind of makes me want to become a pigeon and just shit all over their concert schedule.

Oops: Chinese Police Beat Official's Wife By Mistake... "I'm sorry ma'am, I thought you were somebody else's wife." Note, the story is not an apology for the police beating the shit out of a woman, it's an apology for beating the wrong woman. Keep it classy, Beijing.

French Nuns get signed to GaGa's record lable. I have nothing to add, I think the headline speaks for itself.

Law and Order: It's a hard-knock life in the pen... unless you're in MEXICAN prison, in which case sign up for your free cell-key, gun, and vehicle in the rec-center. At least they're not in Turkish prison in the 70's, Billy Hayes had a real tough time there. If you don't get the reference, I'm talking about the story which was told in the 1978 flick, Midnight Express, which was written by Oliver Stone. Oliver Stone, the useful idiot who hangs out with Hugo Chavez and loves communism. Nevermind the hypocrisy of being a millionare beneficiary of capitalism; if I were to write about every rich, famous, capitalist-beneficiary communist-sympathizer, I'd have no room to write about anything else. No, Stone gets the mention for this extra bit of nuttery. If you're too lazy to click the link, he said Hitler gets a bad rap and his story is told out of context, the holocaust is taught because of a strong jewish lobby, and the jews control the media. I'm not surprised that he said any of that, hard leftism often goes hand in hand with anti-semitism, but I'm semi-surprised at the lack of condemnation he recieves. If only Mel Gibson had said it, we'd have a news story on our hands I guess.

Confirmed: Reason the Gulf has yet to be cleaned up - Louisiana is the laziest state in the union.

Startin' 'em early: Poledancing classes for 6 year olds. As I always said, if there's grass on the field, leave the middle school and go younger. Kindergartens always a safe bet.

No surprises here: Porn for women sounds incredibly boring and lame. Heck, I haven't been able to watch lesbian porn since I was like 14, it's too softcore. If there's not a corpse and at least 2 different household goods being used in ways they're not intended for, I can't even get it up.

Good news for time-travel: Time-travel without Grandfather Paradox is possible. But does that solve Niven's law of time travel?

More than a 100 planets found in last few weeks that are "Earth-like." Sign me up to go, and make sure I can bring my virtual girlfriend.

Cornell Law's Prof. Jacobson talks about the Religion of Context. He then writes here about Visconti's Law (an extension of Godwin's Law). As the good Professor himself notes, this is related to a Kafkatrap, which is linked and explained here. It's a long article, so I'll briefly explain the Kafkatrap, which is employed often to attack anybody who deviates from the lefty line (rightys use it sometimes too, but with less results). Basically, the accuser (A) will accuse the trap victim (B) of some charge that cannot be disproven (anti-semitism, racism, sexism, homophobic tendencies, etc.). A uses a variety of different models of the Kafkatrap to smear B, some examples being:

“Your refusal to acknowledge that you are guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…} confirms that you are guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}.” - Kafkatrap Model A

“Even if you do not feel yourself to be guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}, you are guilty because you have benefited from the {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…} behavior of others in the system.” - Kafkatrap Model C

“Even if you do not feel yourself to be guilty of {sin,racism,sexism, homophobia,oppression…}, you are guilty because you have a privileged position in the {sinful,racist,sexist,homophobic,oppressive,…} system.” Model P

The act of demanding a definition of {sin,racism,sexism,homophobia,oppression} that can be consequentially checked and falsified proves you are {sinful,racist,sexist, homophobic, oppressive}.” Model D

Skepticism about any particular anecdotal account of {sin,racism,sexism,homophobia,oppression,…}, or any attempt to deny that the particular anecdote implies a systemic problem in which you are one of the guilty parties, is itself sufficient to establish your guilt.” Model S

So that's basically how the Kafkatrap works, beware of it and call it out when you see it. That's what they do to the Tea Party; Step One: Call them racist. Subsequently, they will enthusiastically deny the allegations. Step Two: Infer that their heated denials and hot tempers that are natural reactions to the incediary charges are further proof of their racism. It's that simple!

The real secret to getting rid of racism is very easy, of course. Morgan Freeman knows this open secret and drops it hard on some unsuspecting, stereotypical New York Jew (Mike Wallace). Put that in your conventional wisdom pipe and smoke it.  Mike Wallace's paternalistic, condescending attitude shines right through here, almost as conspicuously as James Cameron's in Avatar.

Btw, for those expecting a picture of a breasty babe, the one I drew for you will have to suffice for today ;).

I'll Take the Kilted Ermine on the Rocks

Yesterday I had some news on Alvin Greene, the awesome Democratic Senate candidate from South Carolina. Today, I have news about the next Governor of Tennessee (I hope). Tennessee Republicans, not wanting to be outdone by S.C. Democrats, have put forth a gubernatorial candidate that makes Alvin Greene look like Stephen Hawking... well, maybe just Stephen hawKing. I love American politics sometimes... If my old roommate Jackson is reading this, bless your home state buddy.

If he somehow loses the primary, god forbid, I'd advise him to try out for the role of Col. Mustard in the inevitable Clue remake. Basil Marceaux, you are awesome.

And for today's winner of "Creepiest Thing You've Ever Seen", July 2010 edition, we have Thailand! I know the site is in Japanese, but the bakery in question is located in Thailand. If you're fat and trying to lose the weight, click the link and you'll never want to eat carbs again. Hell, you might not ever want to eat meat again either.

Also creepy: Taxidermied rodents used as beer bottles. Actually it's not really creepy, it's kinda cute. The beer inside packs a punch too, coming in at a wimpy 55% alcohol content. I don't know which one I'd go for, the squirrel wearing the tophat or the ermine wearing a kilt. Tough call.

Cheat on your girl, it's all your fault. Your girl cheats on you, it's all your fault. Tell me something I don't know. Think that's hypocrisy? How about John Kerry parking his boat in Rhode Island so he doesn't have to pay Mass taxes on it? The Boston Herald ran a front page story on it, and JWF (who I linked to above) says it all, so I need not put in my two cents. In summation, this is a guy who votes to raise taxes, bitches when people complain about paying the taxes, and then he finds loopholes to exempt himself from paying said taxes that he helped enact.

Never forget that many Republicans are barking up the populist tree now that it's politically expedient, but in reality they're just as bad as the Democrats when it comes to being fiscally responsible. Paul Ryan (R - Wisconsin) asks, "Why isn't the GOP discussing my roadmap?" Paul Ryan, perhaps the only Republican who has offered a serious, thought-out plan to get this country out of debt, is having a tough time selling his plan even to his fellow republicans. This is the same guy who Obama seemed to have respect for, despite his tough questions during the healthcare debate. Ryan backs up his plans with hard numbers and seems to know how to actually budget (something Congress can't do for shit). Why hasn't the GOP been pushing for this sort of thing? They hate cutting spending just as much as the Democrats, that's why.

When the government has to make cuts, they always talk about the firemen, cops and teachers who are going to lose their jobs. G-d forbid they cut spending on, gee, I dunno, $850,000 statues. Always remember, no matter what they're spending money on, if you try to cut their budgets, its the firemen who go out the window, not the artwork.

Hey Eric Holder, here's your honest conversation on race from James Webb (D - Virginia). I always wondered why hispanics and other choice ethnicities recieved affirmative action, when part of its alleged purpose was to help right some of the wrongs that uniquely plagued blacks in America. Jim Webb's op-ed in the WSJ is pretty thoughtful and brief, I encourage you to check it out.

Times are hard, in this economy, even powerful Sith Lords are out of work. Darth Vader has stooped to robbing banks, presumably to help pay for his exorbitant healthcare bills (that life-support suit costs a lot to maintain). I guess the Emperor has axed healthcare benefits to his employees now that Obama passed healthcare. Wait until he founds out he has twins to support (they will be on his plan until they turn 26, right?), he's really gonna lash out.

Missouri women learn the hard way about the dangers of drinking and dining and ditching. If you're going to steal, it's smartest not to leave personal identification on the property of the people who you stole from. Next time you drink and decide to dine and ditch, you'd be smarter to go through the Drive-Thru. **Note, I am not endorsing petty theft or drunk driving**

Months ago, I wrote about employees at the SEC watching porn on the job. Seems like the feds are cracking down harder now, and I may be busted: The Federal Porn Initiative Moves to the Pentagon, Intel Community. From that report, it seems like they're only cracking down on the people who looked at illegal porn such as child porn, so I should be safe this time around. If you see reports about them nabbing servicemen who were looking at Fat Tranny Midget Amputee Interspecies porn, well, don't bother checking the site for updates because that's probably me. Ed seems to take this a little bit more seriously than I do, but that's because I know that watching porn at work improves morale, and good cheese work comes from happy cows military.

I didn't like it much when I visited, but perhaps it's time for a second look at L.A.? Reader and good friend Timmy Caps sends this picture from the City of Angels.

Have a good weekend!

Print Me A Steak, Rare, With a Side of Mashed Taters

I wrote about NASA's new mission a few days ago (Muslim outreach if you don't recall) and I have some images of their newest photos that you can find here. I'll post the first one for you to get a taste of what the new NASA mission looks like.

I especially think that last one will soften their hearts, or unclench their fists as Obama would say. People love it when you compliment their cooking, so good job NASA!

Whenever I go home on leave, the popular line of the vacation goes something like this, "Dude, whatdya mean there's a 15 minute wait for a table? You're a fucking hero man!" My friends like to use the tongue-in-cheek "You're a hero" line all the time, and to be honest I started referring to myself as a hero or national treasure. It's funny to say, especially given that I was still in training when they started calling me a hero, but we all used appropriate dosage of sarcasm and of course, I don't actually think I'm a hero (but heroes never do, do they?). Why am I bringing this up? Some asshat retired Lt. Col. at the LA Times wrote an article headlined: Every soldier a hero? Hardly. I'm tempted to stay silent on this, as he only mentions soldiers (i.e., ARMY) but I assume he's just using a blanket term and means anybody in the U.S. Armed Services. I understand where the retired Lt. Col. is coming from, I really do. I know plenty of shitbags in the service who fuck around and don't give a rip about Alabama the U.S.. Personally, part of the reason I joined the service was for personal gain; The Navy would give me something I wanted (a job, training, education) and in return, I'd trade in 6 years of my life for them to do whatever the hell they want with. I still think I made the right decision, it was a fair trade, and though I'm not sure I'll re-enlist, the possibility exists for sure. So am I a hero? I don't think so. But what sir seems to gloss over is that when it comes down to it, everybody in the service is there because they volunteered, and maybe it's not a sacrifice for officers like him (but I do believe officers sacrifice at least as much), but it counts for something. Suppose you're a supply officer and your specialty is budgeting for the chow-hall. Shit hits the fan, you're still going to get a rifle and going to fight, whether you believe in the war or not. What I'm saying is not that everybody in the military is a hero, because that'd be false. What I am saying is that I find nothing objectionable about civilians regarding the military as a heroic institution, full of brave young men and women. Because as we say in the military, "perception is reality."

In related news, the Washington Times poses the important questions: Will fart fiction gets boys to read? If the Washington Times read my blog, they'd have seen the tattoo that I posted yesterday proclaiming reeding to be faggotry.

Welcome to the future: Digital Food Printer Creates Nutritious Meals. I wonder, will it be able to make a sandwich on nice Italian bread with prosciutto di parma, fresh mozzarella, roasted red peppers, balsamic vinaigrette, and perhaps some assorted greens? If it can't do that, I don't have much use for it. On the serious, while that machine sounds pretty cool, I enjoy cooking as a hobby so I'm not sure it'll ever completely replace me in the kitchen, although I am lazy to cook sometimes...

I don't recall if I ever wrote about Alvin Greene in the past, but I'm sure some of you have heard of him by now. He's the democratic senate candidate in S.C. that nobody had heard of until he unexpectedly won the democratic primary. I haven't written about him, mostly because it's too easy, but also because I think it's a little sad and I feel bad for the guy. I mean, he seems genuinely mentally retarded, and I don't mean that in the, "Hey, quit being retarded" derogatory sense of the word. I mean I think he's actually got mental problems, mainly retardation. Like most retards (see Sean Penn, I Am Sam), he provides endless wells of humor, but like I said, I'd feel bad making fun of him for it. When I read about him today, however, I knew that I finally had to write about it. This is because he said he didn't get promoted because, and I quote, "I’m telling you who they promote: the terrorists and the communists. This is why we need to overhaul the military and get these people out." To which Allah hilariously wrote, "Which, of course, is a vile lie. It’s only terrorists who occasionally get promoted." Alvin Greene sounds like me, and for that he gets my blogs official endorsement. Also, he showed porn to an 18 year old girl on a college campus and lives with his parents. Can't help but love the guy, he really is awesome and amusing to no end.

Lefties and terrizts Archaeologists continue to use flag feature to silence dissent. This is just another example of a common tactic used against right-leaning blogs where people who disagree with the blogs will flag them for inappropriate content. Google and Youtube both have automated systems that take down the content once it's been flagged and thus, the content is squashed at least temporarily. At the same time as this happens, blogs and videos by literal terrizt groups are open and hosted just fine on youtube and google. Put simply: If you host a video condemning radical islamic terrizm archaeology, your video will be taken down for offensive content, but if you show literal beheadings and attacks on Americans and Israelis, you are left alone. If you don't believe me, feel free to take a look at the two videos at the bottom of the page I just linked to. I am not a fan of Michelle Malkin, but there's no doubt she's right in this case; watch the videos yourself.

Speaking of censorship, the most depraved example I have ever seen of censorship is being employed in Palestine against the legendary Euro-disco group, Boney M. You know, the ones that sing "Daddy Cool" and "The Rivers of Babylon" which was covered by Sublime. Well looks like they won't be singing "The Rivers of Babylon" in Ramallah, for fear of offending the archaeology loving people of the West Bank. Note: Boney M. isn't censoring themselves, they were asked by management NOT to sing the song and they are disappointed by that decision.

And you thought craigslist was just for the hookers in casual encounters: Patient, resourceful 17 year old makes only 14 trades on craigslist to acquire a Porsche.

Worst 11 Year Old Evah?: Jessica Slaughter uses language that the 10 year old from Kick-Ass would be shocked by (not really though). Actually, they're about on par, only that one is fictional and the other is real. The first link is the original video, here comes the good stuff with her dad who looks like Sam Elliot but sounds like Randy Savage threatening the haters. From the dad, "Consequences will never be the same!" What does that even mean?

Do Japanese and Korean robots have slanty eyes and can they pronounce the letter L? I ask this because 'Mrrkin robots do not exist in the same capacity, sadly. Maybe we don't build robots like they do because we're tired of fighting them after the war in the Matrix and the Terminator series...

Some Jew reminds followers of the Sherrod case of the importance of reading. I still feel a little bit used and misled by Andrew Breitbart and his video of Sherrod speaking to the NAACP, but perhaps it's my own fault for being misled. Apparently, the article he wrote that accompanied the video did not focus on Sherrod, nor call for her to be punished. Rather, the focus was on the audience who seemingly agreed with her past racist actions. Point well taken, Jew, but I still feel used.

I appreciate comments in the comments section. I know lots of random people read this, because sometimes somebody I haven't seen in ages will talk to me and remark on how they liked a post. Don't be shy with the comments section, comments are appreciated. Alright, well I'd write more, but looking at my traffic over the last few days, I have realized that you all don't give a rip about what I write, you just check in whenever I have pictures of hotties in bikinis... I guess I'll indulge you all, spoiled punks.

Hell yeah, 'Mrrrka! YEEEEEHAW! 

There is a G-d, and He Likes Boobs and Booze

Best day evah? Maybe not, but best 3 news items evah for sure.

There is a G-d: Female breasts are getting bigger! Heres a picture to prove it (Yes, that's Yolanda, Saffron, Bridget, or that chick from Mad Men if you don't watch Firefly).

 

The aforementioned G-d also likes to party: Alcohol is healthy for you!

The Chosen People: Jews have 20% more sex than Catholics and Protestants, booyah! Also, alcoholics (aka healthy people, see above link) get laid a lot more than people who don't drink.

The Chosen People? Maybe chosen to be hated and killed... Lee Smith writes on Mainstreaming Hate, which refers more specifically to the mainstreaming of anti-semitism. It rolls around every so often, the naive gunless jews with poor memories usually get murdered, and the smart ones live on to make the race more pure and intelligent. JEW POWER! Sorry, I got a little overboard there, you gentiles are cool, srsly. I am not a jewish supremacist, but no for real we're chosen, suck it.

I wrote about how I think racism is bad, and Greg Gutfeld of Redeye offers his input (sounds pretty ridiculous after I literally just wrote, "JEW POWER" and told non-jews to suck it, but my tongue was firmly in my cheek and I think you all know). He says a lot of what I said yesterday, mostly, and his post is brief and humorous, so check it out. The better post about the whole NAACP thing is by Cornell Law Prof. William Jacobson of "Legal Insurrection." Prof. Jacobson says:

"In context, Sherrod at worst was a former racist who had realized the error of her ways... Media Matters and Think Progress, the ultimate out-of-context word and phrase manipulators, are hot on the case because Shirley Sherrod was taken out of context.

So how about some context for the handful (out of many millions) of people who have attended Tea Party rallies carrying racist signs?

How about considering that some of the people were not really Tea Party supporters but plants by the opposition designed to create controversy? Or that some of the photos were not even at Tea Party rallies? Or that some of the people were kicked out of the Tea Party movement? Or that some of the accusations of racist words being shouted are denied and the videos show otherwise? Or that numerous blacks who are active in the Tea Party movement deny that there is widespread racism? Or that the Tea Party philosophy of limited government and free enterprise is completely race neutral?"

The other day on the news, the anchor was talking about the Tea Party being racist, and used posters of Obama with the Hitler mustache as proof. Those posters are obviously retarded and historically illiterate, but more incredibly, I was shocked at the scientific breakthrough that I have never heard of til just that day. Apparently, this anchor had warped through the time-space continuum and jumped into the future, completely missing 8 years of Bushitler displays around the country. A quick google search would bring her up to date, and I literally just clicked the first link to find a decent record of some high profile Bushitler peeps. BTW, that site only goes up to 2005, so keep that in mind as well. Comparing Obama to Hitler is not racist, it's just retarded.

Comparing Obama to Bush is bad (for Obama fans) because generally, Obama has been worse than Bush on the few things Bush actually did well, for example as the NYT (?!?!!! THE NYT!) points out, Bush was awesome on AIDS relief in Africa. Things that Bush did bad, on the other hand, are consistently continued by Obama, or even escalated (see government ordered hit on U.S. citizen). Still waiting for DADT to get repealed so I can come out of the closet (just kidding, Mom). Too bad Obama's worse for gay rights than Dick Cheney. Then again, why should Obama throw them a bone when the gay community is tucked into his pocket, or at least the pocket of the democrat identity politicians. Obama's way worse on spending than the terrible Republicans were while Bush was in office, but let's not quickly forget how terrible they were. 

If you didn't think the prospect of drowning sucks enough as it is, after reading this you'll really be terrified. Drowning and suffocating are two of the scariest things to me, but then again it doesn't take much to scare me (moths, scary movies, no lights on at night, garages, basements, nighttime, Carrot Top).

A Word of Thanks to Four Black Men and a Gun... awesome article by Marcus Cole, a black guy from the hood who moved to a white neighborhood and had REAL racists act violently towards his family. His father and he understand that the cops aren't always there to save you, that the government can't be there 24/7 to ensure your safety, and that the second amendment is an invaluable right that offers the freedom to defend oneself. Law enforcement, is generally a necessary force for good that does a lot of work to protect the safety of our countrymen, but reality dictates that they are not superhuman defenders, and there sometimes is a need to defend oneself when the cops can't be there. 

Terrizt Archaeologist who threatened the South Park creators arrested on terrorism charges. What a jerk.. these guys are serious, and they want to harm us, it's not harmless, cute, jihad talk.

Some more Journolist stuff:

• Journolisters call Tea Party fascist, then propose idea to have the government force Fox News to stop broadcasting... the irony apparently goes over their heads. More historical illiteracy I guess.
• Ed Morrissey provides his input on the above mentioned, and I think he puts it well.
• Glenn has more at Instapundit.
• Journolister wishes death upon Rush Limbaugh, says if she saw him having a heart attack she'd stand by watching and laughing. Rush responds.

Mediocre British chick (I give her 5 out of 10, and pretty much any girl who's not obese gets that these days) publicly announces that she's the largest whore of all time (I think empowered is the term she used), likely has diseases. The money quote: "Now all I want to do is settle down. I just hope I haven't put men off." Aww, don't worry babe, I'm sure there's some guy out there that wants Syphilis; perhaps some die-hard Al Capone impersonator...

Reader and BFF Guiseppe Fratelli sent me this picture of the tattoo I should get (it even has my name in it!). Whatdy'all think? Is it 'Mrrrkin enough for me?

 

Although reeding is for faggots, you're not gay if you reed my site, because it's not a book, and the truth is that books are for nerds, my site is cool.

Playboy Officially SFW, Navy Expected to See Drop in Productivity

To start things off, I owe that woman from the NAACP an apology it seems. The video I saw seemed pretty damning, but upon checking out the full clip, it seems that I was a little misled. She went further in the full video to explain that she learned that her job isn't about helping somebody based on race, but by helping somebody based on his or her needs. So yeah, I jumped the gun, my bad.

Second: Posting that picture of the scantily clad beauty netted me a ton of hits, so in response, I'm going to have to keep that idea going.

Mmmm, enjoy... I hope you've eaten before seeing this.

REPRESENT! I saw this article today and thought it was actually going to be about coyotes (it sorta is) complete with pictures of cute little puppies and such, but then I started reading and saw that it mentioned the place I grew up, Westchester County, NY. I was visiting on leave when the coyote incidents took place (at least one of them). Aside from being predisposed to liking the article due to it refering to my home and talking about animals, I actually read the whole thing and found it to be a great read. It's not just about guns (which I also love), but freedom and all other sorts of 'Mrrkin shit (Lunch buffet at the titty bar not included). I wanted to pick out some quotes, but there were too many and I think it's worth reading in it's entirety.

Bombshell study: Free markets lead to fairer wages. 

Progress: Playboy now has SFW website so you can browse on the job! Nothing about the navy declining in productivity, just an educated guess...

Glenn Reynolds' monthly Popular Mechanics article is out and focuses on the war against photography. I'm not sure how much any of my readers know about this, so this is probably a good starting off point. I'll give a brief little intro: Basically, some events such as on-duty cops arresting bystanders for videotaping said cops in public places are taking place. Also, two reporters were banned from using the metro in some city (excuse my forgetfulness) for videotaping or something like that. Reason.com has been covering it a lot, I sometimes read about it, maybe I'm doing myself a disservice by maintaining an apathetic stance on the issue, but I guess I consider it a minor concern. I guess I'm just jaded.

Religion of peace poop? Muslims get the OK to drink shitty coffee (pun intended).

To quote a famous Briton, "Mother should I trust the Government?" If this is where they get their facts, then hell no. That girl grinding her ass on that pole - that girl is somebody's daughter. Then again, she does need your help to pay for med school.

I'm sure most of you haven't heard of the whole Journolist thing, and I don't recall writing anything about it when the story first blew up on the blogs. Brief sum-up: There's a private server with 400 or so (mostly openly liberal) journalists who have to be invited to the group to become a member. A vengeful or perhaps frustrated member of the list decided to publish some of the archives, namely ones written by WaPo's conservative beat writer Dave Weigel, which in turn exposed that he was a terrible choice for reporting the conservative beat, and seemed to resent those who he covered.  I'm not going to provide links, you all can go look it up yourself if you want to read more about that. The more scandalous part of the story was that it seemed like the group was intentionally trying to spin stories or silence stories from emerging into the national media spotlight, which is indeed dishonest, but I thought that those charges were a bit dubious at the time. Now some more journalist stuff has been leaked, and some of it is pretty damning. Below I will link to some good reading and reactions to the story.

Some background info on what was leaked found here at Instapundit.

Reactions to the story from both right and left found here.

To be continued? Tune in tomorrow to find out.

I think some of the charges are still dubious; I don't think there's a liberal conspiracy in the media to hide stories that are harmful to the democrat agenda and intentionally overblow stories that are harmful to conservatives. But like Glenn said, keep this in mind the next time they try to tell you that people who oppose the policies of our president are racists. Racism used to be a hefty charge, but the way it gets thrown around today really robs it of it's meaning. It's shameful that a group of professional journalists would actually say things like:

"Pick one of Obama’s conservative critics, [Spencer] Ackerman  wrote, “Fred Barnes, Karl Rove, who cares — and call them racists.”

Disgusting. Have your differences with Karl Rove, Fred Barnes, I do for sure. Call them racist if they're being racist, but the reckless abandon with which Ackerman weilds the race-club is reprehensible to say the least. Bolded by me for emphasis.

Courtesy of my father, who is a witch-doctor shrink psychiatrist, some psychiatric humor from the always impressive R. Lee Ermy.

And you really thought I punish you all with those fat women in bikinis? C'mon, you know I love you guys, enjoy this broad and have a nice night!

This Post Contains a Scantily Clad Beauty

Footage of evil Jooooooos torturing poor Gazan's found here. The horror! The horror! On a serious note, I know they get a lot of shit that sucks, and I'm not trying to downplay it, but c'mon, humanitarian crisis? If you truly care about people, start crying for the people of the Congo.

NAACP passes resolution condemning Tea Party for racism. Video of Tea Party racism found here. Oh? That's a Latino supremacist separatist group telling Whitey to go back to Europe, is it? I'm sorry, I meant this video of Tea Party racism found HERE... What do you mean that's video of an NAACP conference where the speaker on stage is openly admitting her racism and discriminatory acts against a white guy? There has to be SOME sort of video evidence of the widely recorded event the CBC claims took place at a Tea Party rally, where racial epithets were hurled at them and protesters spit on them as they passed, right? Well Andrew Breitbart offered an $100,000 donation to the United Negro College Fund if somebody could produce proof that this event ever happened and nobody has come forth with any evidence. Just so we've all got it straight, you can go out and call anybody racist with no proof, but when you challenge the claims, you need proof that it NEVER happened... interesting. Follow the link, Andrew holds up his claims using facts and video evidence from the event in question, or you could just take the CBC's word and label an entire group racist based on zero evidence. It's like Duke Lacrosse; you're guilty until proven innocent when you're up against these schmucks who'll use race to divide any issue. They told me if Obama was elected President, we'd have a post-racial America... oh well. Read the Breitbart article, it's enlightening for those who haven't been paying attention.

Instapundit notes that CBS was on the NAACP story, and quotes a commenter as saying: "The difference between the tea party and the naacp is if you are looking for racists at the tea party you look at the fringe and if you are looking for racists at the naacp you look to the stage." As Glenn says, "Ouch."

Thank God for Britain, a truly post-racial democracy just across the pond. They're so post-racial that a black couple can give birth to a white child! That guy certainly has some solid trust in his wife, because I'd be ordering up paternity tests if I were him. Sounds like a sweet guy, if not naive and I'm sure he'll be a good father to that little cracker. Raise her well, cause when she grows up you can use her to get you out of tickets and use her to talk to the cops!

STAAAAAMOSSSSSSS!!!! The best hair of the 90's gets the Letterman treatment, but wins the case and remains a g-d among men. If only I weren't in the military, I could grow a beastly mullet like Uncle Jesse... It's hard to deal with my short hair when at every crossroads, I ask myself, What Would Uncle Jesse Do?

Go Navy, suck it Air Force (Sorry elder bro, you know I love you even though you're an air-warrior)! The first bit is an animation, but the second half of this 30 second clip shows actual footage of the Navy humping a drone in the face. Who said the AF gets all the cool toys? So what if they get queen sized massage beds in the barracks, we've got frikkin lazers.

Chinese sexy homeless man to get his own bio-pic. I find the story to be a little bit unremarkable; if you're going to be a rags-to-riches epic, you should either be that Will Smith movie where he pursues happiness or Eddie Murphy and Dan Akroyd in that switcheroo movie. This guy just looks like a hipster who abandoned his family, who in turn sadly died while he was gone. I guess Hollywood has really run out of ideas (and roman numerals to add to the Land Before Time franchise). I guess kids got tired of Peetwees lisp and that retarded stegasaurus, Spike.

Now, on the advice of several other bloggers, I'm going to post a picture of a very attractive, half-naked woman in a shameless bid to increase my traffic. Let's see what a google search of "very attractive half-naked woman" yields...

Booyah! 'Mrrkin flag and everything, that is pure 'Mrrrka my friends. Take that, you freedom hating archaeologists. If you don't like that picture, you're a holocaust denier!

Terrizts or Archaelogists?

Assuming George Bush and the Joos didn't orchestrate the man-made disaster of 9/11/01, one normally believes that terrizts flew planes into the WTC to attack America because they hate us. New evidence has emerged today that these supposed terrizts were really just passionate archaelogists, determined to unearth the secret 18th century ship buried beneath ground zero or die trying (they died trying). Thankfully, a full 9 years later, 'Mrrrkin archaelogists finally realized what those brave martyrs were trying to show us. In light of this new development, I hope that President Obama will evacuate all troops from Afghanistan, as a war there is unnecessary seeing as they didn't really attack us with malicious intent.

The NYT (the source for the article on the ship mentioned above) sure does seem to have a love for totalitarianism. First, they've got Tom Friedman repeatedly lauding China for their effective and decisive leadership system, and now they've expressed their envy of the Chinese approach to the internet. Ok, maybe the latter statement is a little dishonest, but Ed's post does raise legitimate concerns. Like Ed, I have all sorts of issues with the way Google operates its business, but the NYT's gripe with google seems to be a little baseless, and could be seen as an excuse to support government regulation of the internet. The real point Ed makes is simple, and can be seen right here:

"If people don’t like the search results from Google, they can use Bing, Yahoo, Altavista, Jeeves, or any number of other competitors... What’s so difficult about choice that escapes the Times’ editors?"

Yeah NYT, why do you hate freedom? NYT, you sound like a bunch of freedom hating terrizts archaeologists?

Finally: Billy the Kid possibly to receive pardon over a century overdue.

FINALLY:  86 days later, is the oil spill finally capped?

Tragedy: Largest boobs in the world guilty of attempted suicide. Apparently she's fluent in English and Chinese, she sounds like my soul mate. Sheyla Hershey, could she possibly be a jew? She's almost too good to be true, but seriously, Sheyla... if your breasts need to be reduced, even to save your life, I will never consider you. You'll have to find yourself another guy, sorry, I'm only interested in the biggest.

Color is only skin deep, we all look the same on the inside... except for this apple. It looks delicious, and it's healthier for you too. Let me know when they get to Hawaii.

Is this the Hope or is it the Change? Europe Warns Obama: This Relationship is Not Working. So much for repairing our standing in the international community. We've pissed off Canada, England, Honduras, Israel, Taiwan, India, Eastern European Countries that nobody cares about because they only eat soup and the list goes on. Well if pissing off our allies scores some points with our enemies and makes them more friendly, that's good right? NoKo attacks SoKo, Russia eats Poland (I may have made that up), Brazil and Turkey heart Iran, Iran speeds up on nuclear development, Turkey takes a doo-doo on Israel, Mel Gibson burns down house (but not before blowjob). So much for smart power.