Wanted: Alligator Shirt with Mouth Flap

Of all the retarded habits I inherited from my father, the most interesting by far is my habit regarding disposable razor cartridges. You see, my dad read some sci-fi book where aliens come to earth and are deciding whether or not to uplift us and teach us all the cool stuff that they know. Ultimately, they decide that we can't be trusted because we prematurely throw out our disposable razor cartridges. To show his dedication in the pursuit of being uplifted by super awesome aliens, my dad refuses to throw out his disposable razors until it cuts him to the point of drawing blood. When he taught me how to shave my face, beardlessness notwithstanding, I also took on this stupid habit. I suggest it to anybody who doesn't mind the sight of blood, as it can help us be accepted by aliens, it can help you save money on new cartridges, and it's better for the environment since you're cutting waste.

When I was young, I had an awesome alligator t-shirt that I insisted on wearing to even the most formal occasions (my cousins will never let me live it down). In my defense, I was only three years old, I probably couldn't even drink and drive back then. The shirt was super cool though, because you could lift the alligator's mouth and see his teeth and mouth! I found a picture of me wearing it as a little kid, but to protect the secret identity of myself and my compatriot, I have added a layer of disguise. Why am I writing about this? Because I want one of those shirts to wear now, and hopefully somebody can help me find it! If you can help me, leave a message in the comments please.

 

Finally, I was going to update the blog with this piece of news last night but it was too late. Most hated man in America makes worst baseball call evah! If you haven't seen this yet, I suggest putting on a steel jock strap, because this video will make you so mad you'll want to punch yourself in the junk. Jim Joyce has incited the wrath of former professional wrestler, the Iron Sheik. My old friend Guiseppe Fratelli linked the Iron Sheik's twitter to me, and I am happy to share with you all some of his more intelligent commentary about the botched call:

"jim joyce is worse than low life motherfucker mario lopez. he have no dick and no balls i fuck his ass make him humble"

"jim joyce you make people not happy. i see you i beat the fuck out of you break your back and fuck your ass make you humble"

"hulk hogan use the medicine for the body- he fag he gay i can break his leg and fuck his ass"

For your viewing pleasure I have added video of his most coherent speech regarding this sensitive issue of national importance.

Well said, Sheik, that's pretty much exactly how I feel.

Comments

[G]

You just reminded me I owned a white alligator shirt years ago.I can help finding your baby alligator shirt. So where should I start looking? San Diego? lol

[glass baby bottles]

Avoid using animals skins for clothes as it is really cruelty with animals.