Kickass President, Battling Addiction, and Projectile Vomit

I walk around this world, and oftentimes, I find that holding things can be heavy. Like a large box, or maybe a bag of sand. That a person can be strong enough to squat this kind of weight kind of scares me.

He probably doesn't think anything is heavy, I bet he just picks things up all the time and doesn't even notice. Ok, so I'm admittedly not the most muscular guy on the block, but I think squatting 1000 pounds is a daunting task for even the beefiest of juice shooting guidos on Long Island. I've never seen the exorcist, but I think after this video I've pretty much seen all the good parts, right? The kicker: This is a video of the second of three attempts... that's right, he goes again.

I run across fun stuff like the video above on the internet all the time, I love the internet. If the internet had a mouth, I would date it (so it could hold an intelligent conversation, you sick fucks, what were you thinking?). That said, I don't think my affection towards the internet could be considered an addiction. During the course of my Chinese studies, I read plenty of articles about young Chinese internet addicts running away from home to live at the internet bars and play games, and how it's sort of a growing social problem over there. I have also read news reports of people literally dying due to lack of sleep/nutrients because they were playing videogames for days straight. I specifically remember one sickening story of a Korean couple who were so absorbed in World of Warcraft [Disclosure: I used to play] that their neglect for their infant child led to its death. Yeah, sounds like addiction to me, that scene comes straight out of Trainspotting. On the other hand, this headline is just hilarious: Chinese internet addicts stage mutiny at boot camp. I can just imagine the inspiring speeches given by the rebel leaders, the breath of freedom as they bust out the gates. Great Escape remake to follow, with a 21st century twist.

Americans like to complain about taxes, it's a historical trait that is central to our American identity. We revolted because of taxes (numerous times), and it's a central theme in all political races. People often whine about funding useless bullshit (like my salary, thanks guys!), but hey, at least we're not Britain. Next on British Parliament's agenda: Pole-dancing Lessons for Elementary Students?

I don't have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, my mom just wanted to curb my ADD while in the womb. Pregnant chicks, rejoice! Thanks for looking out for me mom!

Now that we've established that drinking while pregnant is actually beneficial, let's turn our gaze to another brilliant study: Cocaine addiction combatted with enriched environment. What I got out of the article: if you do cocaine in fun places, you won't get addicted! For example, doing blow off a stripper in Vegas, that's just partying, you won't have to worry about giving HJs in the bathroom of the Olive Garden to feed your future habit. Bumping lines off your surfboard in Hawaii, that's just getting you focused on the next big wave buddy. Doing crack in the projects: BAD! Don't do it.

New product from the makers of Bacon Salt: MALT SALT! If you preface a product with "from the makers of Bacon Salt," I'm definitely prone to immediately loving it. People who have seen me in my natural habitat know that I have the weird habit of eating spices (if you are interested in starting this habit, I can give you some recommendations on the best spices to eat... Montreal Steak Seasoning, Goya's Adobo, anything called Cajun seasoning). I'll add this one to the shopping cart and report back on my findings.

Headline of the Day: Metrobus driver that punched McGruff the crime dog rehired. Sick bastards, how could they condone such a blasphemous crime. This is not an example of taking a bite out of crime, Metrobus, shame on you!

President Obama has been super serial about this Gulf Spill since it's onset. Three days after the spill happened, the Dutch offered their assistance in cleaning up the spill, but Obama was so super serial about stopping the spill that he was all like, "Nah it's cool buddy, I got this!" I'm glad that our President is so committed to stopping this environmental disaster, but the other day he kind of harshed my mellow when he claimed that he didn't know who's ass to kick on this BP oil spill catastrophe. Here's the soundbite where our President shows how involved he is with the spill... you see, he cares!