Beer: A Healthy Alternative to Milk

So I've been MIA for a few days, busy with moving and running around various airports trying to get home to New York on vacation. It's pretty great being here, although I am a little upset at the moment, since my mother played a devious trick on me. Everybody is out at work, and lil Reed is all home alone and must feed himself. Well, I've been feeding myself for a few years here, so it's not an issue, but now I have to feed myself with somebody else's groceries, and therein lies the problem. Imagine how excited you are, coming home to a full fridge, and inside is a pound of pastrami... Best day evah, right? And on top of that, consider that you've been eating the load of crap that passes for "deli" food out in California for the last two years; you're even more excited! So you get out the bread and open up the pastrami, practically drooling like a stroke-victim and inside the package, it's fucking TURKEY pastrami? Mom, you sick terrizt, if you're reading this, I want you to know just how unacceptable that is to me. Dinner tonight better be awesome!

 So last post I wrote about Gary Faulkner, the Colorado man who went to Pakistan to find Bin Laden... how close did he actually get? Pretty close if you take Time Magazine or his brother's word on it. 8 year old boys 40-inch ninja sword, Dude.

The other day, my friend Guiseppe Fratelli informed me of the upcoming Zoolander sequel. Then I saw this article, and couldn't help but think that Mugatu has indeed returned... his fingerprints are all over this. What did Tom Nicon know that they didn't want him to go public with? Stay tuned...

Good news for alcoholics: Beer is like a multi-vitamin, or something. It's no wonder I've lived such a healthy life. Take that, mom! It provides lots of silicon to lower your risk of osteoporosis, which in the logic of the Reed-Brain, makes it a healthy alternative to milk... That explains why so many lactose-intolerant people are raging alcoholics; it's an evolutionary defense mechanism. 

Justice: He really shouldn't have been lookin' at him like that. Why would he give that guy a dirty look, he looks like such a normal, stand up guy... "I ate his heart to take his soul." Well, actually, it was his lung, genius.

A few years back, I saw a preview for what I thought was a spoof horror film called "Teeth." "Teeth" is about a girl whose lady parts had a sophisticated rape-defense mechanism (I'll let you guess what it is). Apparently, there's an actual term for it (Vagina Dentata). Well, fellas, your nightmare has become reality. Good thing I'm working on a lead condom: it protects against STDs, Vagina Dentata, and X-rays so you can indulge in x-ray sex (NSFW = Not Safe For Work).

 
I'm probably too big to fit in there anyway. 

Who remembers that high school graduation President Obama went to the other day, where he gave nuggets of wisdom such as 'take responsibility for your successes and your failures' and 'don't blame others' (not direct quotes, that's my paraphrasing). Those are certainly admirable ideas, and I agree that people should take responsibility for their actions and look towards self-improvement instead of blaming external forces for their failures or set-backs. Barack Obama sounds like he's channeling Ayn Rand there... Well take a look at this week's weekly address from the White House: Republicans Blocking Progress. That's literally, the title of the post, from the White House blog. Do as I say, not as I do, children. Those pesky republicans, so far in the minority that they couldn't stop healthcare reform despite unanimous republican opposition. They're blocking progress, people!

President Obama to Arizona Senator John Kyl (R): "if we secure the border, then you all won't have any reason to support comprehensive immigration reform." This is what Senator Kyl claims President Obama said, so take it with a grain of salt, but I could very well believe that Obama did indeed express those sentiments to the Arizona Senator. So Obama won't act on securing the border until the republicans sign on for amnesty, which to me sounds like dereliction of duty. But don't forget, it's the republicans who are blocking progress, people.

Government tips on how to be a better father: mute commercials, buy compact fluorescent lightbulbs, and filter your water. Note that when people want to cut the budget, the supporters of big government always shriek about how we're going to have less or are harming cops and teachers. It's always cops and teachers, never the mindless bureaucrats behind the scenes, like the ones whose job it is to tell you how to be a better father. Nope, cops and teachers are the only place we can cut funding, of course... you're not against cops and teachers, are you? Do you hate children, you racist hitler-polpot! 

The always impressive Charles Krauthammer hits the nail on the head (pun intended) once more with an article about the Dreamer in Chief. Great article, not very long, read the whole thing.

China is finally allowing the RMB to increase in value. Well, good, I think...

Shelby Steele has an excellent article in the WSJ about Israel and the Surrender of the West. It all goes back to political correctness, something I have long believed to be the greatest danger to our republic. Some choice quotes (but read the whole thing, I implore you):

"The Jews are being scapegoated again...It projects onto Israel the same sin that made apartheid South Africa so untouchable: white supremacy. Somehow "world opinion" has moved away from the old 20th century view of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict as a complicated territorial dispute between two long-suffering peoples. Today the world puts its thumb on the scale for the Palestinians by demonizing the stronger and whiter Israel as essentially a colonial power committed to the "occupation" of a beleaguered Third World people...

it [PC] is good manners to be outraged at Israel's blockade of Gaza, and it is bad manners to be outraged at Hamas's recent attack on a school because it educated girls, or at the thousands of rockets Hamas has fired into Israeli towns—or even at the fact that Hamas is armed and funded by Iran. The world wants independent investigations of Israel, not of Hamas...

Today we in the West are reluctant to use our full military might in war lest we seem imperialistic; we hesitate to enforce our borders lest we seem racist; we are reluctant to ask for assimilation from new immigrants lest we seem xenophobic; and we are pained to give Western Civilization primacy in our educational curricula lest we seem supremacist. Today the West lives on the defensive, the very legitimacy of our modern societies requiring constant dissociation from the sins of the Western past—racism, economic exploitation, imperialism and so on."

Think he's over-stating things? Thing he's exaggerating the danger? Did you know that Oakland, the 4th largest port in the U.S., just boycotted a shipment of goods from a company based in Israel; a company that has nothing to do with the policies or actions of the Israeli government. The Jews are not a genocidal supremacist group. If Israel wanted to kill all the Palestinians, they are perfectly capable of doing so at any time (hint: they don't want to). Generally, Israelis and jews just want to live in peace without constant fear of attack. It's just hard to make peace with people like Yasser Kashlak, the Syrian Hezbollah supporter who helped fund the Flotilla:

“Gilad Schalit should go back to Paris and those murderers go back to Poland, and after that we will chase them until the ends of the earth to bring them to justice for their acts of slaughter from Deir Yassin until today... Don’t let the moderate Arab leaders delude you, [you] cannot make peace with us. Our children will return to Palestine, you have no reason for coexistence. Even if our leaders will sign a peace agreement, we will not sign. [disclosure: I bolded for emphasis - Reed]’”

Samar Alhaj,  a female organizer of a Hezbollah flotilla on its way to Gaza: 

"Asked on Radio A-Shams by Zohair Bahloul why the ship, Mariam, would only be carrying women, she said, “We are women in order not to give the thieving enemy an excuse to use arms against the ship.” 

So even Israel's enemies admit that Israel won't attack a ship full of non-violent women, while Hamas and Hezbollah try their best to kill as many women, children, and civilians as they can. She also tacitly admits that the "thieving enemy" had an excuse to attack the first ship... Samar, are you granting those filthy j00z some measure of legitimacy? Shame on you, you had better refine your talking points!

Comments

[HP]

Grats, by the way.

[Retro Jordans]

Your article give me a lot helpful message, no doubt a valuable blog. Best wishes to you.