Reed the Viking

Good News!

So I had a very busy day and no time to post a full posting, but I promise I will tomorrow. I wasn't even going to post a little half posting until I checked my blog stats a minute ago and discovered something incredible. Let me preface a little bit by saying that my blog statistics let me know how people arrive at my blog, and when I see an oddity that catches my eye, I usually check it. Well I had somebody reach my blog via a standard google search, so I decided to check out the sort of search that might lead to my blog... I am proud to reveal to all that I am THE NUMBER ONE search response to the search request, "Where did I hear murder boner." This may be the proudest day of my life, and having fulfilled my dreams, I can stop blogging forevermore (although I won't, so keep checking back). Goodnight!

They Took R Jerrrrrrbs!

Don't have much time to write today, but I have lots of good links to share! Below are some good links dealing with Arizona and Immigration.

I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't know what he's talking about in regard to immigration... Here's a really good article that reaches a different conclusion based on the same things I talked about yesterday. I've got to put some more thought into it, but it's really pretty reasonable. To finish it off, here's some fair and balanced reporting (and by fair and balanced, I mean right-of-center) on two of the most recent protest movements. Megyn Kelly is hot, and I'm inclined to agree with much of what they're talking about here.

Seems like the Arizona Immigration bill isn't the only example of recent police overreach...

 Attractive females who want to feel younger, you know what to do...

Just wrong...

Politicizing the public schools? Indoctrinating the chillunz? Nothing to see here... Deficit? What deficit? Don't you dare cut spending!

When it comes down to it, I don't worry about much. Que sera, sera. Lo que paso, paso... Really, all you can do is laugh. Seriously, laugh. Reduce your healthcare bill :-P. (h/t: Hotair)

We Spoke Too Soon

Boobs do cause earthquakes... (h/t: my friend Frodo)

Bewbs: A Protest Movement I Can Uphold

So of course, the Arizona Immigration Bill has created a lot of controversy out there, why not weigh in? Well, mostly because I'm not really that versed on the issue at hand, but I'll see what I can come up with. Disclaimer: I am originally from N.Y. and I've never lived near a national border. I don't know the local circumstances down in Arizona, and it's not really fair for me to pass judgement on something I don't quite understand. That said, according to my understanding, this bill is a step too far in combating what I think is a legitimate problem. From what my friends from Arizona have told me, illegal immigrants are a drain on their local economies and a source of a lot of violent crime. If Arizona feels that the federal government hasn't looked out for it's interests and benefits on this issue, I think they should be able to protect themselves and come to their own legislative solution. However, this new bill reaches too far, and will inevitably lead to racial profiling and discrimination. So from my uneducated, New York point of view, I believe this new law is pretty indefensible and is an affront to civil liberties. Bad Arizona *rolled up newspaper to the nose*. Again, if I'm wrong or miserably uninformed, feel free to provide a thoughtful response in the comments.

Here's a protest movement I can get down with (via the WaPo)

Bewbs... niiiiiiiiice. I know beggars can't be choosers, but next time more bewbs, better looking women, and less hippies would be great.

Obama wins points with me by hosting the Yankees at the White House, but probably will lose favor with the rest of the country for it. Also in attendance was White House resident tax-cheat, Tim "I never had a real job" Geithner. If you want to place some of these stamps on our dollar bills, be careful, you might be prosecuted. They can prosecute people for that and I won't particularly care, but damn 'em to hell if they start going after the "Boner Dollars." I'll never give up that right!

 

Bad news for the U.S.? .... I always say if shit hit the fan here, at least I'll be prepared to live in China/Taiwan, but that's supposed to be a joke. At least English is still dominating, suck it frogs! Just kidding, I love France ever since their first lady is Carla Bruni (hot and noody!).

Time for the obligatory lament Britain's fate link... of course, you can find bullshit like this in America too, so don't lament too much. Remember, the British are the ones who bring us gems like this (h/t: Hotair). He is risen..... the evidence lies in the bacon fat!

Ahead of the Curve

Not necessarily of the opinion that it's a good idea, but I'm ahead of the curve on this one.

Had a good weekend, won first prize in a mandarin chinese speech competition, was asked to perform to 600 guests there and it went pretty well. The contest was held in San Francisco, so of course I wasn't surprised that on the wall of the school that hosted the competition, they had a portrait of Che Guevara (among others in the large mural). With this in mind, it's no surprise that only 60% of Americans think capitalism is better than socialism. That's a sad statistic :(. Got nothing else, it's been a busy weekend, I'll post more throughout the week.

Brand Damage and the Elusive "Murder Boner"

The other day, when mentioning my healthcare, reader HP commented:

I'm guessing you're on TriCare...if so, remember that what you have isn't at all representative. It's socialized medicine, sure, but it's for a small and controlled group of people. Who also don't get to go to the doctor whenever they want, often have to wait a long time to be seen, and occasionally go in for an appendectomy and come out missing both legs...

I wanted to address this at the time, and I'm not sure why I didn't. Yes, my healthcare is decent, and the people who work there aren't like the DMV of the Healthcare world; they do care and work hard for my benefit. On the other hand, like the commenter said, it is for a very specific purpose and does have many problems. The fact that this model of socialized medicine is for a small and controlled group of people is precisely why it can be as successful as it is. All taxpayers pay to support this small sampling of the population, and therefore it is much more manageable than say, 323 million americans in the system. Personally, I am against the idea of a nationalized system for a myriad of reasons, but I think the root of the opposition is more due to the cost of the bill that just passed. My brother sent me this (pictured below), which I think drives the point home a little. But enough about healthcare, I'm sick of the subject.

 

Sometimes it's not the ideas of an organization or movement that make it disgusting, but rather the brand has become so tarnished that it's impossible for anybody to want to identify with that movement. Growing up in New York, admitting you're a Republican in a high school or college classroom is only a little less dangerous than admitting you're gay in Iran. I always steered away from the Republican label myself not only due to the terrible brand (racist, sexist, redneck/racist, poor hating take your pick) but also because I'm legitimately not a Republican. Well here's James Cameron, continuing to ruin a brand I would ideally love to associate with. I consider myself an environmentalist, but how do I separate myself from these fools? Nowadays, when I hear "environmentalist" or "green something," I just roll my eyes and think "lame." It's truly a damn shame. Same goes with today's "feminism," but that's a whole other can of worms. Really James, Global Warming is as dangerous as the Nazis? Whether or not you believe Anthropogenic Global Warming is really an issue, obviously we should all do our best to keep our earth clean. However, following his logic, people who don't recycle are no better than the SS, if AGW is indeed as evil as he says. Talking this kind of shit truly alienates me; I know my history, and the Nazis were fucking evil. No Al Gore, Global Warming did not cause the recent string of earthquakes or the volcano in Iceland; this "explanation" holds no more water than the Ayatollah who said infidelity causes earthquakes, or my stupid "It's cause 2012 is coming" joke. 

Some fun friday links to lighten the tone for the weekend:

Awesome new photos from the hubble

WTF?! What the FUCK!?

And they wonder why we don't trust the government to run healthcare (that goes for when either party is in power) 

Just a reminder as to why the U.N. is mostly useless... maybe U.N. stands for Useless Nations?

On the other hand, the SEC probably doesn't have much to do these days what with the lack of fraud in the corporate world [/sarcasm]. Actually, pornography boosts morale, and morale filled workers are more effective (I'll send this as a suggestion up the chain of command!). Maybe they'll start issuing playboy in bootcamp, although since 2girls1cup came out I can't get off on anything less than snuff-porn (yeah, I only work with the legendary "murder boner").

I Thought This Was America!

The title of the post is from a classic episode of South Park, where Randy Marsh gets in fights with other parents at his son's little league games. South Park is one of my favorite shows, and it's been consistently funny since it's first season. My father linked to my blog, and referred to me as a "South Park Libertarian." I fully accept this appellation and find it quite fitting. I was raised on South Park (much to my mother's disapproval) and I remember the first episode I ever saw back in 1997 at the young age of 9. It was the one where the boys get a pig and an elephant to mate with the help of Sir Elton John. Where am I going with all this, you might ask? I might answer...

Last night I got a phone call from my older sister. Our relationship is really good nowadays, but we don't talk all that often because she's a super busy doctor and there's a time difference between our two households. I figure, a phone call at that hour from her is a little noteworthy, and it was. My sis is a very smart girl, and she keeps up with the news, but she's not as enthusiastic about current events as I am. She sounded upset..., "Reed, did you see the new South Park?" I had not. I was going to see the re-run that was playing at 9:00 here, and it was supposed to be the new episode titled "201." It's the continuation of the previous week's episode, "200" which was both hilarious and poignant. She told me the episode was going to make me feel outraged, and that she was so fired up that she wanted to go out and do something about it. She even asked me, "Reed, what can I do? I feel like this isn't even America," to which I responded with the, "I thought this was America" line. I was planning on watching the episode on it's second run last night at 9:00, but they actually refused to show it, and showed a different episode instead. 

I was able to catch the episode online today, and my sister was right. I am outraged, I'm upset, I'm angry, I'm even a little bit scared. For those who haven't heard anything about this episode, the premise is that Islam has a special power that makes it immune from criticism and apparently they were right. The yellow-bellyed executives at Comedy Central caved to terrorist threats and censored not only the image of Muhammad but also even the mention of his name. It gets even worse... Comedy Central was obviously ashamed of their cowardice, they even went so far as to censor an entire speech about giving into fear and intimidation. Muhammad wasn't even treated with the least bit of negativity or disrespect, other than the mention that nobody dares ridicule him or the Islamic faith.

South Park first made an issue of this in season 10, in their Cartoon Wars series. Back then, I was ashamed of Comedy Central's cowardice, so I wasn't really surprised that they did it again, but I'm truly disappointed. My sister said she felt like she had lost faith and I don't blame her. One of our most central values, one of the benchmarks of our republic is the freedom of speech. The First Amendment is essential to a free society. 

In the episode 201, South Park depicts Jesus Christ as a porn-addict who refers to Buddha as a "fag," while Buddha is next to him blowing cocaine. Moses was drawn as a giant dreidel type thing, and they have ripped on Jews countless times. They have devoted entire episodes to ridiculing Scientologists and Mormons, and have literally showed Kyle murder Jesus, only to have Jesus resurrect and murder an evil priest. They've had the Pope curse, and shown the Vatican as a bunch of alien spider worshippers. I think it's all pretty hilarious, and I'm glad they can act with impunity. However, as they mention in their episode, the prophet Muhammad has avoided any criticism or ridicule, and they muse about the origins of his power. It's obvious that the origin of his power is the fear of retaliation by spineless turds like Comedy Central. I can't believe it has come to this in the self-proclaimed "Land of the Free," paralyzed and rendered impotent by fear. You could joke about the Pope fucking a 3 year old boy, and show Moses taking a shit on Madonna's chest (my next picture), I guarantee the worst that happens is a loss of endorsement from AIPAC and calls for apology. Dare you utter the holy prophet Muhammad's name on television, and it's a problem. Quite frankly, I'm offended.

To show that I'm not intimidated by fear, I will show a depiction of several religious figures. Hope I don't incite a fatwa of some sort.

 

The episode even exposes and highlights the silliness of the network by reminding them that they did once show Muhammad in The Super Best Friends episode. The lesson I learned from the episode (since the real lesson was bleeped out for about a minute) was that people can control speech with threats of violence. I thought this was America!

**UPDATE [7:34PM PST]: Last night I was supposed to watch the episode on TV, but they aired another episode instead. Right now, from 7:30PM-8:30PM they are scheduled to rerun the episode, but have AGAIN decided not to show it. Has comedy central banned the episode from the airwaves?

If She Doesn't Consent, Quaaludes and Champagne!

I think I ought to spend more time at the library (h/t: Glenn).

So yesterday I wrote about incendiary rhetoric, and in the recent past I also wrote about some human rights that I hold dear (tourism, sexual gratification, iPhones). Today I'd like to follow up on these two tangents for just a moment. Here's some rhetoric that I wouldn't necessarily classify as incendiary, but rather, I might say it is quite... compelling, to say the least. Hey Evo, I know cocaine's one of your national treasures, but you might wanna take it down a notch there buddy. 

On the important issues of human rights, I look again to human rights forerunner, Great Britain. To be frank, I disagree with the the Daily Mail on both of the following accounts. The first article seemingly is against what they call a landmark victory for sex offenders. I tend to believe violent sex offenders give up the majority of their rights when they commit their crimes, but these days anything can count as a sex offense. You can lose your job or reputation just for being accused (falsely) of rape, or for looking at somebody the wrong way. Lastly, can't all the guys of the world just come out and say we all support the "If there's grass on the field, play ball, and if she doesn't consent, give her some champagne and Quaalude Polanksi" defense? 

The other human rights issue the Daily Mail wrote about was the right to protect your property. I'm all about it, Daily Mail, and if somebody comes into my house to harm me or my family, I'll sleep just fine the rest of the night after bustin' a cap or two. On the other hand, is this at all defensible? Do you know how many houses I've urinated on (besides my own)? More than I can remember, and if you try to tell me that peeing on strange buildings is wrong, I fall back on my right to sexual pleasure baby! The Daily Mail expects this case to reignite the debate about the right to defend one's property, and I am calling them out for retardation.

Three cheers for National Healthcare! 

HOORAH!

HOORAH!

HOORAH!

Each cheer is a different link. I actually have government healthcare, and it's not all that bad to be honest. It's a little impersonal, and a lot inconvenient in many ways, but it's also free/cheap and reasonably accommodating. On the other hand, if I weren't given this healthcare, I would prefer to have my own doctor who I know and have a rapport with. I feel like I'm kinda beating up on Britain a lot recently, which is a little unfair because I don't even live there. So let's turn our sights domestic a bit, shall we? Kudos to our President for his apparently visionary space policy. I'm not very informed on NASA/Space issues, but I think that stuff is cool, and the article is a good read. Also kudos to our Commander in Chief for kicking serious ass in AfPak, and merking* (that's slang for "beating the shit out of," for all my readers over the age of 50) AQI (Al-Qaeda in Iraq) and it's leaders. Keep the drones coming, the terrizts dying, and the commies crying as I always say. 

So big thumbs up to Obama on those two fronts. Big thumbs down, on the other hand, to Michael Steele and the NRC who once again reminded people why nobody trusts them to be the party of fiscal responsibility. At least there's Chris Christie...

*Do not confuse the verb "to merk" in it's main verb tense for "merking" with the completely different word "merkin," which is a pubic wig.

Incendiary Rhetoric

Don't have much time to write today, I've got a lot of things to take care of before bed time. I just thought I'd share some interesting links with all my readers (hi mom, dad). 

Currently, worries about overreaching government and anxiety over our national deficit are quite in widespread in American politics. These worries transcend party lines and can be seen in the most liberal corners of New York to the most conservative reaches of Oklahoma. I always thought that being anti-establishment was often just immaturity and misplaced angst, while being a cheerleader and shill for government expansion is just lame. So understand that I really am reluctant to defend the "Tea Party" because, well, it's kinda dorky (in the high school sense of the word). On the other hand, the claim that these "monochromatic" "middle-aged man" gatherings are in any way racist or violent kinda boggles my mind. Remember, incendiary rhetoric ONLY comes from the right-wing militia forming sister-banging Americans. Here are two good articles that dissects these claims. As always, mind the slant and the source and think for yourself. 

Remembering REAL Violent Protests

Damned if you do and damned if you don't

It's not that I really care about the tea party or feel like I should have to defend them, I just let the blatant hypocrisy go by without mention. For example, President Obama has already played more golf than Bush did in his entire 8 years. I don't think Obama is wrong for playing golf a lot, he's a person and he needs to relax sometimes too. It's that, as the article even mentions, people ridiculed President Bush (who I don't particularly like as a leader for other reasons) for something that President Obama would never be ridiculed for. There seems to be a double-standard in the media when a republican politician does something versus when a democrat politician does it. I personally feel the need to call them out, so that's what I'm at.

People worried about government expansion and the nanny state are not paranoid, we didn't elect these fools to congress to tell us what we can and can't eat. From the comments yesterday, Fellatio J. McGee said:

"Charles Sumner was re-elected to the senate several times after his caning despite having been literally beaten retarded. Theres a fun precedent that paved the way for the ubiquitous brain dead incumbents you see today."

Brain dead incumbents indeed; It's shit like this that makes people worry about the imminent arrival of the nanny-state

And this.

To end the post on a happy note, time for some thrilling heroics. (H/T: Hotair)

On Human Rights, Political Discourse and Weird Phenomenons (Phenomenii?)

For the record, the plural of "phenomenon" is "phenomena," but I think Phenomenii has a better ring to it. The other day I talked about how sexual pleasure was a human right. Well good news, today I have learned even more about human rights! TOURISM! Being a man who loves to travel, I was thrilled to hear that it was my human right (I hope it doesn't only apply to members of the EU :(). We have a right to health care, a right to tourism, I really hope that we gain the right to a next generation iPhone (h/t: Hotair) in the near future (ask anybody who has one, they're indispensable). It seems like Europe has a lot better rights than America, especially in regards to immigration and the right to not be murdered when robbing a house. In some places in America, if you are robbing somebody's house and they kill you, they don't even get in trouble with the law! It's so backwards.

A Perfect World

My favorite human right was the right to stupidity (see Jackass, Jackass: The Movie, Jackass 2) which is fun for everybody... but now that healthcare has passed and the taxpayer (me) has to foot the medical bill, I'm not sure I find it funny anymore :(. Don't get me wrong, I think the hummer is a retarded and wasteful car, and as an environmentalist I hate it's existence, but I really do see where Penn Jillette is coming from in that article (his hair being a prime example of our right to stupidity). 

I don't like Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh much, but I like to watch the left flip out over the shit they say. Kudos to Byron York for callin' out "leg-tinglin'" Chris Matthews and other idiots on this bit. Anybody who knows me knows that I'm not a fan of W. either, but are they really trying to claim that nobody ever referred to the Bush administration as the Bush "regime?" Cry about protesters putting the hitlerstache on Obama and the degradation of modern political discourse all you want, but don't get pissy when I assume you were in Uganda from 2000-2008 and start filling you in on the last 10 years. And don't forget that Congressman Preston Brooks (D-SC) beat the shit out of Senator Charles Sumner (R-MA) with a cane in congress on May 22nd, 1856. That's coarse political discourse, and a fun bit of history for you. 

Some of my readers (hi Mom, Dad!) know that I speak Mandarin Chinese. As a non-native chinese speaker, I personally believe that pronunciation is the most difficult part of chinese (never mind the lack of an alphabet). You could see how I'm jealous of this nice lady, eh? She can't even speak the language and her pronunciation is probably better than mine :(. Some of my readers (don't read this part Mom) also know that I love technology, and can't wait to merge with machines and possibly bone fembots, but some technology is truly creepy (fembots aren't, Reed?). Maybe her husband is Sting (get it, I'll be watching you... Reed, jokes aren't funny when you have to explain them, and that one wasn't funny to begin with). I think I write too much in parentheses and use them too often, I'll try to cut down on that in the future. It's the voice in my head talking to other voices in my head. Piggybacking on the technology tangent, I linked above to the leaked next generation iPhone and I advise you to check it out, but don't drool on and ruin your keyboard (or leak any other fluids on there with your sick techno-boners, pervert). 

Exit question: Who ISN'T afraid of Virginia Woolfe?