When my oldest child was very young he was in a play group with a number of other children in our neighborhood. For almost two years, Mrs. SW and Oldest Son would meet on a weekly basis with 3 or 4 other toddlers. We were friendly with the parents as couples and all the children were first children. As a general rule, parents are at their best and worst with their first children. Parents tend to be most anxious about their first children, which is ameliorated by the extra attention a first child has as compared to later children, who of necessity receive only a fraction of the attention the oldest received.
One little girl in particular, who I shall call Caroline, caught Mrs. SW's attention. Caroline's parents were an interesting mix. Her father, Ed, was a brilliant man, extremely successful in his field, and rather charismatic. He was a prominent professional, self-assured, and self-confident, already with many significant accomplishments at a relatively young age. His wife, Susan, had chosen to be a stay at home mother. As we got to know them better we discovered Susan had come from a difficult back ground; her mother had been a poorly controlled Manic-Depressive who had never been diagnosed or treated until Susan reached adulthood, despite being overtly symptomatic during her childhood. While I was not at all involved with Susan or her mother as a professional, it was hard not to conclude that her high levels of anxiety were related to her childhood experiences. Susan suffered not only from anxiety, but she also exhibited the kinds of controlling behavior that are not uncommon in people who feel an intense need for structure in order to manage their own affective states. Typically, children who were exposed to poorly regulated parental anger and anxiety attempt to control others; if they are unlucky enough to have porous (ego) boundaries, which is often a concomitant of growing up with a disturbed parent, rigid self-control, accompanied by (unconscious) attempts to control others allows them to feel protected from the vagaries of intense affects. Susan was especially controlling with her young daughter. She had a long list of do's and don'ts (mostly don'ts) and whenever Caroline moved too far away from her or began to explore areas that made her mother anxious, Susan would become anxious, even agitated, and physically remove Caroline from the perceived danger. The dangers that Susan reacted to were nothing out of the ordinary. While the other children would put all sorts of toys in their mouths and climb on furniture, often gathering bumps and bruises from the subsequent falls, such activity was off limits for Caroline whose mother would react with anxiety verging on panic if Caroline so much as mouthed a doll. Since a significant part of a young child's exploration of the world involves putting things in her mouth, Susan's behavior cause Caroline to incorporate powerful inhibitions for such exploration. Further, when everything is a danger, the children quickly learns that the world is a dangerous place and vigilance must be exercised at all times. Uninhibited play, a direct precursor to uninhibited thought, is crushed.
By now, you may be getting some idea of where I am going with this. Although Caroline came into the world with a good intellectual endowment and had a high IQ, by High School she was an unhappy, inhibited, deeply incurious young woman who scored well on tests but had no spark of creativity or liveliness to her.
Consider a culture composed of Susans and Carolines.
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