As somebody who constantly makes things up (see yesterday's post about Owen Wilson's nose conspiracy), I feel not anger, but respect for this young woman. You got me, and if I was an insecure man, I'd go edit yesterday's post to make it seem like I knew your little "using white board to quit job" routine was a hoax. But I'm not insecure (please don't go check to see if I edited it, I didn't I swear). Apparently she's just a hot actress, once more confirming that attractive women in real life are either poppin' out babies at home like they should, or whoring it out in Hollywood. Don't fall prey to the myth that attractive women actually get jobs and do work, please.
Speaking of acting, the legendary James Caan of Bottle Rocket fame is one of those rare Hollywood conservatives. Never heard of Bottle Rocket? Ok, how about James Caan of Bulletproof fame? No takers? I think he was in the Godfather, I don't know if you've heard of that one. Whatever, Bottle Rocket's James Caan is a smart man, not because he's not a liberal, but because of this:
"Caan, who was at the event promoting his involvement with the online platform Openfilm.com, also added that he doesn’t think Hollywood actors need to comment on every single political issue. "I don't want to comment on that. I'll let those other geniuses do that – all those actors who like to find a stage to push their agendas," he said. "They don't have political science degrees... I certainly don't. I'll leave it to Sean Penn or Barbara Streisand to comment on that.""
Damned straight. I hate listening to these assholes lecture about whatever the trendy cause of the week is. Perhaps they don't understand why it's called the silver screen. Silver tarnishes easily, it kinda sucks and gets awarded to second place. The celebrities of Hollywood are celebrities of the silver screen, because their importance to the world is secondary to that of people who are important in real life. That said, Rip Torn: Great actor or greatest actor? He played the best dodgeball coach of all time, but his character in Dodgeball can't compare to himself in real life. Apparently, he drunkenly broke into a bank he thought was his home while armed with a gun. This happened last year, at age 78. Bless him.
Now let me turn my sights to dumb musicians (if the two people I'm going to rail against can even be considered that). Katy Perry, I feel wrong to shit on you because it's just so easy, but the California Girls Gurls song is one of the worst things I've ever heard. I lived in California for two years, there were cute girls and ugly girls, just like anywhere else. You girls aren't special, if anything, many of you are vapid, flaky messes with inflated egos for G-d knows why. To be fair, the guys are similarly lame; lame is probably the best word to describe Cali culture. Tool is a good one to describe Cali people. Ok, I'm sorry to whatever Cali readers I have, you're not all bad, but if she's going to generalize the good, I'm going to generalize the bad. So Katy, you're both forgettable and deniable, and the hottest girls in your state are most likely from other states, or Asia on student visa. When The Beach Boys sang California Girls, I thought it was ok because they were complementing the ladies, but for you to sing a song about yourself like that... could it get any more self-centered?
Unfortunately, yes it can, and that brings us to number two, Travis (Travie now, apparently) McCoy. Your billionaire song is the whiniest, self-pityingest (I made up another word!) piece of garbage I've ever heard. It's more whiny and self-pitying than "Why don't girls date me, what did I do to deserve this, when will mom let me move out?" by <insert name of Jewish comedian here>. The lyrics, "I want to be a billionaire, so freakin bad" pain me every time I hear them. I hate to sound like a commie, but somebody who money is that important to kind of makes me sick. He wants to be "on the cover of Forbes magazine, smiling next to Oprah and the Queen." Well, Travie, how about working for that money? Instead of whining about how bad you want to be a billionaire, start a business or invest in one. Oprah is a self-made woman; granted the Queen is just a lucky asshole, but most billionaires don't get there by whining about how much they want to be one, and how if they were one they'd help the world be a better place. They are men of action (lies do not become them), so get a real job you hippie and grow up, TraviS. Your song is gay.
Ok, now onto real men. From Dad, Badass of the Week Fridtjof Nansen. Note that he's a viking like me.
Real musician Ian Anderson and Jethro Tull play show in Israel, despite pressure to join artist boycott of Israel. I love Tull, have since I can remember, and Bouree is always a fun one to whistle, but this live version performed in Israel has the added bonus of a mid-song Hatikva break. Stand Up and Benefit still remain two of my favorite albums of all time, check 'em out if you've never heard 'em. Lucky dad of mine got to see them in concert like a month ago, I'm very jealous.
Identity politics, the lifeblood of the democratic party: Harry Reid, "If you're a hispanic and you vote Republican, you're Polpot and Casto's demon-spawn son, Polsto... or Caspot if there's more than one of you." Cuban Republican Marco Rubio's response also in the link, but if you don't want to click, I'll let you know that Rubio called Reid a "cockaroach" and told him to "fuck Gaspar Gomez and fuck the fucking Diaz brothers." His representatives were unavailable for comment.
Sex, much like alcohol, can do anything: Sex makes you more beautiful. So are hot people attractive because they get laid, or do they get laid because they're attractive, and thus get hotter, facilitating their sexual conquests? Viscious cycle.
Patriotism is now offensive: You can't sing the national anthem here, this is the Lincoln Memorial! Apparently singing the national anthem is a political "demonstration."
California 1.9 billion in the red after ONE MONTH of new fiscal year. Maybe if they gave the money to Travie McCoy they'd be in a better spot, anything is better than giving money to Sacramento to spend. It's not tax revenue that's indebted us, it's spending. I wonder, Katy Perry, how are you California gurls gonna look when you're all broke?
Buffalo, New York was once the 14th fattest city in the world. One man, trying to lose weight by eating leaner meats, had his efforts foiled by the law. NY Police Find Live Cat Marinating in Car Trunk. Cats are evil, disgusting animals, not to be confused with their cute, awesome relatives, the Lolcat.
My second or third post ever on this blog was a piece of history about myself, my father, and camping. Thankfully, he was a little better than these guys (H/T also goes out to my dad, from one of my favorite blogs, Are We Lumberjacks):
I leave you with a reminder to find me an adult sized alligator shirt. My father's good friend went on vacation, and being the vigilant man that he is, he found a shirt, but alas, it was not made for adults. Here are the pictures he took so you know what to look for.