I took nyquil last night and slept like 12 hours. Also, I need to go into work early today so this is going to be a rushed post but here goes.
New kind of Monkey discovered in Burma (I refuse to call it Myanmar, I don't give in to the demands of terrorists). Of course, the only specimen ever to be observed by scientists was already dead and being prepared to be eaten. Those southern Asians sure do love to eat their monkeys!
Charlie Sheen has made a career of playing Charlie Sheen in movies since the dawn of time. Is it any wonder that he also plays Charlie Sheen in real life, after his career and bank accounts were repeatedly rewarded for acting that way on TV? Charlie Sheen hospitalized after being found naked in trashed hotel room with hooker hiding in the closet, admits taking copious amounts of cocaine. Who's surprised?
Zach Galifianakis gets hoisted by his own petard during an interview with Texas radio host, Gordon Keith. The tables are turned, and the outcome is just as hilarious as expected.
Israel to Get its Own Tea Party. This might surprise some, but I don't think I like it. Their tea party is defined by opposition to a foreign president (Obama) and has nothing to do with the ideals of smaller government. I get to rain shit on Obama because he's my President, you forners (foreigners) better back off. Also, color me naive, but I think that halted settlements would be good, not as a precondition, but as part of a package deal to reach a two-state solution but that's just me.
1/9th of Our Nuclear Arsenal Goes Offline for an Hour. Heads better be rolling, I planned to use those nukes today!
Stranger Danger on Halloween is a Farce. Although there is one documented report of somebody poisoning Halloween candy:
Joel Best, a sociologist at the University of Delaware, has researched the topic and spends every October telling the press that there has never been a single case of any child being killed by a stranger's Halloween candy. (Oh, yes, he concedes, there was once a Texas boy poisoned by a Pixie Stix. But his dad did it for the insurance money. He was executed.)
Wish they had a picture of the best tattoo artist evah's masterpiece: Tattooist Charged Over 40cm Penis Tattoo on Man's Back.
I had more to post but I'm out of time unfortunately.